


You're a pessimist, Moon Taeil

by Bitesizedoyoungs



Category: K-pop, NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bakery, Comedy, Crushes, Denial of Feelings, Drama, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Romance, Slow Build, Somebody save Taeil
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-30
Updated: 2019-01-27
Packaged: 2019-02-24 03:17:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 25
Words: 63,148
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13204716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bitesizedoyoungs/pseuds/Bitesizedoyoungs
Summary: Taeil writes Taeyong a love letter and ends up losing it at work. It falls into the wrong hands and instead of being an honest person and admitting that he wrote the letter, he decides to lie instead. Things get out of hand after that, and somehow after a slight misunderstanding everyone, including Taeyong, thinks Taeil has a crush on Johnny.





	1. Here's the plan

Tomorrow is the day. Seriously. Taeil means it this time, tomorrow's the day he confesses to Taeyong and he's not going to go back on his word this time either. Taeil sits on his floor in front of his coffee table, pen in his hand as he tries to think of the right words to write to Taeyong. Sicheng sits across from him with a bored look on his face, "How hard can it be?" He asks for the third time tonight. "I mean, all you have to do is write three little words and you'll be done." It's not that simple! Taeil wishes it were, but it's not. He can't just write, 'I like you.' And end his letter there, there needs to be something more to it. Taeil sighs and rips the sheet of paper he's been writing on out of his notebook, "You don't get it," he sighs as he crumples up his half finished love note and throws it on the ground.

 

Sicheng rolls his eyes, he snatches the pen out of Taeil's hands and quickly jots down, _'Taeyong, I like you!!'_ In sloppy handwriting, "There," He says with a smile, "All done."

 

"No! That's not enough, there needs to be more emotion to it, you know?"

 

"Fine, I'll draw a heart."

 

Taeil frowns, "That still isn't good enough! I need him to know my feelings. He needs to know that I've liked him for a long time and that i—"

 

Sicheng smirks as he takes Taeil's notebook away from him, "Okay, I got it!" He announces before he quickly writes another message out, ' _Dear Taeyong, I'VE LOVED YOU FOR NINE MONTHS, LET'S GO OUT.'_ For an added touch, he draws a giant heart at the bottom of the page then gives the notebook back to its owner. Taeil's cheeks start to burn, "I don't love him." He insists. His younger friend doesn't believe him though, of course he doesn't, and he just shakes his head, "Like, love, what's the difference?" Sicheng asks.

 

"There's a big di—"

 

Sicheng puts a hand up in the air, "Fine," he mumbles, crossing out the giant 'love' on the page, and replacing it with a 'like'. No! Now the page is messy, he can't give Taeyong a messy love letter. Everything has to be neat and readable. Taeil rips the piece of paper out of his notebook. Sicheng groans, "Come on, Taeil, we've been here for three hours, I'm bored." Taeil ignores him. In neat handwriting he slowly writes out Taeyong's name, then he pauses and stares at the blank page. "Just write, 'I like you!' You can worry about the rest later." _This man doesn't have a romantic bone in his body._ There has to be something that makes Taeil's love confession memorable, or he's better off not confessing at all.

 

 _'Ever since I first saw you..'_ Taeil writes down on the page, and stops when Sicheng makes a disapproving sound. The younger man leans over the table and shakes his head, "That's so sappy." It is, isn't it? Taeil groans as he tears yet another piece of paper out of his notebook. "Quit wasting paper," Sicheng complains, "You could be using all this paper for planning, you know." He does know that, but he's gotten into the habit of just crumbling his rough drafts up instead of using them for more resourceful purposes. He sighs and tosses down his black pen, "I give up."

 

Sicheng throws his head back and groans loudly, "You said you were going to confess to him so just do it, don't be such a chicken." Don't be such a chicken he says, like it's an easy thing to do. "I don't know what to tell him!" Taeil whines, and Sicheng rolls his eyes, "Repeat after me, Taeil." He orders, "Taeyong, I like you."

 

"What part of 'It needs more emotion' don't you understand?" Taeil grumbles.

 

"I like you a lot, Taeyong."

 

Taeil stares at the man sitting across from him, "Really?" He asks flatly, "Really? Do you really think 'I like you a lot,' is better than 'I like you'?" He frowns when he sees Sicheng nodding, "It's not, it makes me seem lazy!" He tries to explain. Sicheng once again rolls his eyes, "How does it make you seem lazy? I'll let you in on a little secret, okay? I keep it simple when confessing to guys and you know what? They never care if I just tell them 'I like you!' I guarantee you that Taeyong won't care how you confess to him either."

 

Taeil frowns, "Who doesn't want to be romanced though? Who wouldn't want a cute little love letter, or some flowers, or a candlelit dinner," he asks, "Or like, fireworks set off in the sky that say, 'I like you.' Or a cute heart shaped cake, or a box o—"

 

"Taeil," Sicheng calls out in a soft voice, "You don't have to do any—"

 

"But what if he already has three other people waiting to confess to him? What's going to separate me from those other guys? If I don't do something special, he's going to pick one of the other gu—"

 

"Okay, okay, chill, I have an idea." Sicheng announces, "How about you write your little letter and as an added bonus, you make him a cupcake too?" He suggests. Taeil shakes his head, "What if he doesn't like cupcakes?!" Sicheng stares at him, just stares at him for a long moment before finally saying, "Who doesn't like cupcakes?"

 

"Maybe Taeyong hates sweets."

 

"Taeil, he's a baker, remember?"

 

"Okay, but what if he's tired of eating cupcakes, or he's going on a diet and he gets offen—"

 

"If he doesn't want it, I'll eat it."

 

Taeil rests his head on the cool surface of his wooden coffee table, he sighs, "I can't cook anyways, so why would I make him a cupcake?" Sicheng shoves his hand into the bag of chips he has on his lap and stuffs a handful into his mouth. "Look," he says with his mouth full, "How hard could it be to copy a recipe off the internet?" Extremely hard. In fact if Taeil could follow simple recipes, he'd be a baker instead of a cashier. "I can't bake." He mutters, "I screw up everything I make."

 

"Hey, you have to have some confidence, man."

 

"I'm sure I can make him a little cupcake."

 

"That's the spi—"

 

"And that he'll hate it, and then he'll start to hate me because my baking skills are a j—"

 

"Taeil, don't be like that."

 

Taeil stands up quickly, "I know what I'll do." He proudly announces. Sicheng grins in response. "I'm not going to confess, I'm just going to call in sick tomorr—"

 

"No!" Sicheng shouts as he stands up to join him, "You're doing this tomorrow." _I'm doing this tomorrow, I'm doing this tomorrow, I'm d— God, I don't think I can do this._ Sicheng walks over to him and places his hands on his shoulders, "Taeil, do you want me to tell him you like him?"

 

"No!" Taeil yells, "I know you, you'll say something weird to him."

 

"I'll be straightforward, I promise I'll only tell h—"

 

"You can't!"

 

"Okay, then you do it."

 

Taeil covers his face with his hands. "I can't," he mutters. "What?" Sicheng asks. _Do I really have to say it out loud?_ "I said...I can't." Taeil repeats after he has a moment to think to himself. Sicheng pats his back, "How long have you been saying you wanted to do this?" He asks, and Taeil remains quiet. "It's been what? Four? Five months now? Taeil, you can't keep putting this off." _You're so right._ "Look, I don't want to put any pressure on you, but..." Sicheng chuckles, "You, uh, kind of have to hurry up and tell him how you feel...if you don't...well then, Jaehyun might.."

 

Taeil frowns, "Jaehyun might what?" He asks. Sicheng sighs, and another awkward sounding chuckle leaves his lips afterwards, "I'm not supposed to be telling you this, but I have to. I mean, how else am I going to get you to confess to Taeyong?" He mutters, "Listen, let's just say if you don't tell Taeyong how you feel, and fast, then well..Jaehyun might just steal him from you. " That was supposed to motivate Taeil. He has a love rival and this is the part of his love story where he's supposed to get a sudden burst of courage and bravely confesses to Taeyong in the morning at work. Taeil lies down on his couch, clutching a pillow tightly, "It's no use then," He says as he looks over at his TV, "Why should I even try?"

 

"Tae—"

 

"He's obviously going to pick Jaehyun, I mean why wouldn't he? Jaehyun's tall, good looking, funny, and I bet he doesn't start kitchen fires when he tries to cook. It's over."

 

"Taeil—"

 

"I'm going to look online for a new job."

 

"Oh my god, Taeil, you have to stop being so negative." Sicheng groans. That's the thing though, Taeil isn't being negative, nah, he's just being realistic. Jaehyun would make a better boyfriend than Taeil, hell, Taeil can't even write Taeyong a card, does he really think he'll be able to hold Taeyong's hand, or go on dates with him, or kiss him? He might as well give up now. "Okay, get up. Let's finish writing Taeyong's letter." Sicheng orders. Why bother? It doesn't matter what Taeil gives Taeyong, Jaehyun's just going to give him something better. "I'm not going to tell him." Taeil states, and Sicheng hits him with a pillow, "You can't back out of this now!" That's exactly what Taeil's going to do. "If you let Taeyong slip away, you'll hate yourself forever. " _Too late._ Taeil sighs, "I'm just going to embarrass myself."

 

"Who cares?!"

 

"I care."

 

"Taeil," Sicheng sighs, "You have to tell him, okay? Even if you stutter and say something stupid, you have to tell him, okay?" _I don't want to._ "He has to know how you feel, and you have to know how he feels, how else are you two supposed to get together?"

 

"Bu—"

 

"You can't wait another five months, Taeil. Taeyong and Jaehyun could end up together, and they could end up staying together. And then what? Are you just going to be miserable for the rest of your life?" That was the original plan actually. Taeil groans, knowing all too well that Sicheng's right. He sits up and looks at his friend, "But I don't know what to do," He complains. Sicheng grins, "Um, I came here to help you out, remember?"

 

Taeil sighs and slips back down onto the floor, he picks up his pen, "What should I write?" He asks, "And don't say, 'I like you.' " The younger man pouts, he takes a moment to think before speaking again, " Just say whatever comes to mind, okay? Be completely unfiltered."

 

"What if I ramble?"

 

Sicheng shrugs, "That's okay, we can just go back and edit your letter afterwards."

 

Taeil nods, "Okay, just write. Don't think about it, just write," He mutters to himself.


	2. Don't do it.

As Taeil stares at the page in front of him, the only words that come to mind are the three Sicheng kept telling him to write down earlier. Great, now he wants to punch himself. Taeil takes a deep breath, _I can do this. It'll be easy, all I have to do is write whatever comes to mind._ He looks over his shoulder, suddenly feeling uncomfortable with Sicheng staring down at him. "Um, can you move? " he asks, "It's just, I can't focus with you staring at me," he says, instead of saying, 'I'm afraid you'll laugh at me when you see what I write.' Sicheng nods before sitting back down at the table across from him, "I'll look up some recipes while you write then."

 

Okay this is it. Time to write Taeyong a letter, one that he'll remember for the rest of his life. _I have to pee_ , Taeil thinks. Well, this won't do, he can't possibly write while he has a full bladder. When he stands up, Sicheng gives him a disapproving look. "I really have to go to the bathroom," he announces, pointing to the door across the room. Sicheng looks back down at his phone, "You should have went earlier." Why is Sicheng acting like one of those strict teachers who hates the idea of people having normal functioning bladders and having to go to the rest room? When you gotta go, you gotta go.

 

Taeil does his business and takes his time washing his hands afterwards because he can't leave anything like dirt on his letter to Taeyong. He dries his hands thoroughly too, since he doesn't like the idea of leaving water spots on his paper. When he returns to the living room, Sicheng sighs and shakes his head, "What'd you do take a nap?" He asks. What a funny guy. Taeil shakes his head, "Did you find a recipe?" He asks as he sits back down.

 

"About that, what kind of cupcake do you think Taeyong will want? Chocolate or vanilla? Oh! there's also a recipe for red velvet ones, an—"

 

"I don't know. " Taeil lowers his head in shame. How can he not know what flavor Taeyong likes more? He says he likes this man and yet he doesn't even know if he prefers chocolate over vanilla or vice versa. "That's another reason why I don't want to make him one, what if he hates the flavor I make?" He asks, "What if he hates my cupcake and as soon as he sees it he slaps it out of my hands?"

 

"I don't think that'll happen, Taeil," Sicheng replies.

 

"What if I cry in front of him?"

 

"Sto—"

 

"Let's not do this."

 

"You know what, I'll just ask him, okay? Jeez, go back to writing," Sicheng mutters with a frown. Well, now Taeil can't write. He's too stressed to write. You can't write when you're stressed, doesn't Sicheng know that? Music. Maybe if he puts on some music he'll get into the writing mood. He once again gets to his feet and his friend glares at him. "I need music. You know... I read on the internet that music boosts your creativity." Actually, Taeil didn't read that, but it sounds like a true fact. "I'm gonna go get a CD."

 

Sicheng picks up the black remote control that's on the coffee table and without looking behind him, changes the station to one of those channels that plays nothing but music all day and all night. He points at the notebook across from him, "Write." But what if the songs playing don't inspire Taeil? Or what if they influence his mood negatively and he ends up writing something depressing? The last thing Taeil wants is for Taeyong to end up crying because of his letter, well, unless he's crying tears of joy. If he could just run to his room and look through his collection of CD's... "Sit," Sicheng orders. Taeil obeys the other man's instructions. Okay, this is it. Writing time. He stares at the blank piece of paper in front of him. The paper isn't the only thing blank. Taeil really doesn't know what to write. He gets back up not even half a minute after he had sat down,"I think I should go for a walk. "

 

Sicheng frowns, "I think you should sit down."

 

"If I go for a walk I can clear my mind, you know? And then when I come back, I'll be able to write Taeyong the best letter ever!"

 

"Taeil, If you don't sit down right now and write that damn letter, I'm just going to send Taeyong a text that says you like him. " Oh, no. No, no, no. Sicheng can't do that. If he does that then Taeil will seem like a coward, and well he is, but Taeyong can't find out Taeil likes him by text message. Needless to say Taeil has a seat and picks his pen back up. _I'm going to write. I'm going to write Taeyong a love letter and in the morning I'm going to give it to him along with a cupcake._ This is it.

 

A series of loud knocks come from Taeil's front door. A visitor! He can't just ignore a visitor. He gets to his feet, and Sicheng once again gives him a mean look. Oh, come on! It's not like he's just going to ignore whoever's knocking at his door. "I'll answer it," Sicheng states, "You sit down and write." Taeil pouts, "I'm working on it!" He groans. He grabs his pen and quickly writes down, _' I'm not very good with words, but I wanted to do something special for you.'_ he freezes when he hears another familiar voice. Mark! Oh, boy, time for a break! Sicheng points at him, "Taeil, I swear if you get up one more time.." Fine, fine. Mark sits down on the ground next to Sicheng and smiles at Taeil, "What's going on?" He asks. Taeil once again feels the familiar sensation of his cheeks burning, "I'm writing a letter to Taeyong.."

 

The smile on Mark's face quickly drops, "Oh..." He replies in a soft voice. Well, that's not a good sign. "Oh...?" Taeil repeats, raising an eyebrow. 'Oh..' What does that mean? Does that mean Taeil shouldn't confess to Taeyong? Why? Does Taeyong only see him as a friend? Is he already dating Jaehyun? What does 'Oh...' mean!? Answers, child, he needs answers! "Are you sure you want to do that...?" Mark asks cautiously, and Taeil nods, "Yes..."

 

"I mean...are you really sure you want to confess to him?"

 

"Yeah.."

 

Mark heaves a sigh, "I don't think you should do it to be honest." Well, if that's the case then Taeil should just throw away his half written confession right now. Yeah, he'll do that and pretend like he was never going to tell Taeyong about his feelings in the first place. Life will be a lot less stressful once he does that. Sicheng groans, "Why shouldn't he confess to Taeyong this time!?"

 

Mark shrugs, "I just think it's a bad idea....but I mean, If you want to do it...then I can't stop you." He can definitely stop Taeil if he thinks this is a bad idea, Taeil needs an excuse not to do this anyways. "Just...I don't know I feel like something bad will happen if you do tell him about your feelings." Well, If one of Taeyong's closest friends is telling Taeil not to confess to him, then he obviously should keep his mouth closed. "I don't want to do it anymore.." He announces in a tiny voice. Sicheng runs his hands over his face and groans, "Taeil, don't listen to him. He doesn't know how Taeyong will react."

 

"Yes I do," Mark mutters.

 

"You don't."

 

"I do!" Mark frowns, "Anyways, like I said, I don't think you should do it...but it's your choice."

 

"Why shouldn't he do it?" Sicheng asks with a sigh.

 

"Ummm..." Mark mutters, "Because...um..." he takes a moment to think before sighing, "What if he shows someone your letter and they laugh at you?"

 

What!? Wait. Wait a minute. Taeil didn't think about that. What if Mark's right? What if Taeyong finds Taeil's love letter ridiculous and goes around showing it to their coworkers or his friends? What if he shows it to Jaehyun on their first date and they spend the whole night laughing at Taeil? _I can't do this. I definitely can't do this._ Sicheng speaks up before Taeil can say he wants to quit again, "That would be messed up," he says, "And plus, Taeyong isn't that type of person. He wouldn't embarrass Taeil like that." But what if he does? What if Taeil's letter is so funny Taeyong just has to show it to the world? "Taeil, don't listen to him, just keep working."

 

"I don't think you should do it."

 

Sicheng scowls, "Mark, stop it."

 

"It's a bad idea..." Mark mutters.

 

"What do you know?!"

 

Taeil sighs, "Could you guys please stop fighting," He says as more of what little courage he has left is drained from his body. The room goes quiet as both of Taeil's friends give him the quietness he needs in order to write his love letter. _Okay, screw it. Let's just do this._ Taeil stares at the sentence on the paper in front of him. _' I'm not very good with words, but I wanted to do something special for you.' What next? What do I say next?_ He looks at his friends, but they don't look back at him, instead they both stare down at Sicheng's phone screen. "That one looks good," Mark says. Sicheng only shakes his head in response.

 

Taeil sighs as he starts to write again, _' I'm not very good with words, but I wanted to do something special for you. I've been dying to tell you how I feel about you for months now, but every time I get close to you, I get so nervous that I feel like I'm going to faint. I'm not going to hide my feelings anymore though, I'm tired of being too scared to do anything. '_ Taeil's face again heats up, _'I want to tell you how I feel before another person comes and swoops you off of your feet and makes it impossible for me to tell you how I really feel. I'm stalling....I'm sorry. Anyways, I like you. A lot. I don't know when I first started liking you, but yeah... I like you a lot...and I just need you to know how I feel...this is so embarrassing. Gosh, if you don't like me back...then let's just pretend like I didn't write you this love letter... But really i like you so much. '_ Taeil quickly adds his name to the bottom of the page. _Done! That wasn't so bad..._ If it wasn't bad, how come his heart is beating so fast? How come he feels shaky and has the sudden urge to hide. Damn it, Taeyong hasn't even seen the letter and Taeil's already a mess.

  
He shows his letter to Sicheng, "Aw!" He says, and the desire to hide only grows in Taeil as his friend chuckles while reading the piece of paper in front of him. _Man, it's dumb. I knew it. I knew I shouldn't have written him a stupi—_ "It's cute." Sicheng says, but Taeil doesn't believe him. Mark reads the letter afterwards, "Dude...are you sure you want to do this?" He asks again, "Like are you sure you really like him and want to tell him how you feel?"

 

Taeil nods his head quickly, "Ye—" Mark cuts him off before he can finish his sentence, "Because I know someone who's interested in you..." He announces. He's such a funny kid, he just loves telling jokes and pulling pranks, and normally Taeil is all for that stuff but...that...that wasn't funny at all. If someone liked Taeil then obviously he'd know it.


	3. Indecisiveness

Taeil really wants to laugh right now. Someone likes him? Mark said someone likes him, that's so ridiculous! Like, Taeil's pretty sure it's impossible for someone to like him. Taeil's the one who always ends up with crushes on people and he's the one who always ends up heartbroken because his crushes never like him back. Nobody ever finds him attractive or thinks he has a good personality. He's the one who everyone sees as a big brother, the one who's always single, the one who no one wants to date, the one who's probably going to end up spending his life all alone. Nobody has a crush on Taeil. Nobody is even considering him as a love interest, but if there were someone out there who liked him he'd know!

 

Taeil's always watching other people fall in love, he knows all the signs of a crush and if someone was crushing on him, he'd know it. Pft, Somebody likes him? Mark said somebody liked him, what a horrible joke! Who'd like him? There's nothing special about him, he has no real talents and he's not funny, or tall, or super smart ether. He thinks he's decent looking but who knows? Maybe he's not as attractive as he thinks he is. Oh, and he rarely talks to anyone aside from Sicheng and Mark, so he's not exactly popular either. And, he's awkward too, so awkward. "Who likes Taeil?" Sicheng whispers. Nobody, this is just another one of Mark's childish jokes.

 

Mark heaves a sigh, "I can't tell you guys..." Of course he can't! He can't tell them who likes Taeil because nobody likes him. "I promised him I wouldn't tell anyone..." He adds quickly. Ha, okay, sure. Whatever. "Okay, you can't tell him but you can tell me, right?" Sicheng asks, nudging him with his elbow, "Tell me, I promise I won't tell a single soul."

 

"Nobody likes me," Taeil mumbles, "He's just joking." This is all just a big joke and Taeil's too old to fall for a trick like this. He looks back down at the piece of paper in front of him and rereads what he wrote before sighing. His love note was okay a minute ago but suddenly he hates it. He rereads it again and then a third time but the results are the same. The more he reads it the more he hates it. _Giving someone a love letter is so cheesy..._

 

Mark says something, and Taeil misses part of it, what he does hear though is, "No, but seriously.. I have a friend and he really likes you!" He's still going on about that? "Who is it?!" Sicheng asks again, "Is it Yuta?"

 

"What...? I don't know."

 

"Is it Do—"

 

"I really can't tell you guys who it is!" Mark insists, "But he likes Taeil and I think he's going to confess to him any day now..."

 

"Does he work with us!?"

 

"Yes," Mark replies then quickly shakes his head, "I mean no...I mean I can't tell you because then you'll figure out who it is..."

 

Sicheng nods, "I see.." He says slowly, "It's Johnny, isn't it?" He asks. Mark tenses up for the smallest second before shaking his head, "No!" He yells, "It's definitely not Johnny!" He says, then makes an attempt to change the subject and fails. "Is it you...?" Sicheng asks, squinting.

 

"What?!" Mark asks, once again yelling, "No! I said it was my friend! My friend, not me!"

 

"Okay bu—"

 

"It's my friend!"

 

"Is it Taeyong?" Taeil asks, and in all honesty he didn't think that Mark would give him a proper answer, but he does, and Taeil is completely caught off guard by his response. Mark scoffs, "No," he replies bluntly. His eyes widen the second he realizes what he said and he covers his mouth. See, this is exactly what Taeil meant. He did it again, he started to like someone and surprise surprise that person doesn't like him back. This always happens to him. Why is Taeil going to confess to Taeyong again? "I mean..." Mark says, "I mean..." _Okay, I get it._ "I mean I don't know, he could."

 

He doesn't like him. He really doesn't like him, this is the first time Taeil's ever been positive about Taeyong's own feelings. Taeyong doesn't like him, Taeil's just been wasting his time. He knew this would happen, he knew it! And he shouldn't be surprised or anything but for some reason he's still hurt. His heart shouldn't be aching right now, he should have seen this coming. How many times has this happened to him now? Taeil stares down at the notebook in front of him. If Mark and Sicheng weren't here he'd probably tear the whole book apart, or at least try to. He'd destroy the notebook and then go to bed and try to get over his feelings for Taeyong by the time tomorrow comes. "Really don't listen to me..Taeyong's never told me who he likes," Mark tries to explain, "He could like you... But who knows? My other friend definitely likes you though, and I think you should wait until he confesses to you before you give your letter to Taeyong."

  
"So, Taeil's just supposed to wait for your friend forever?" Sicheng asks.

 

"No, bu—"

 

Sicheng takes Taeil's notebook and shakes his head, "Screw that. Taeil, just give Taeyong your letter in the morning." What's the point though? Mark already said Taeyong doesn't like him, there's no point in confessing anymore. Taeil really just wants to go to bed and forget about everything, and in the morning he really will start anew. He'll forget about Taeyong. He seriously will forget about him this time. Really, he's going to do it. He means it! He shouldn't waste anymore time chasing after people who have no interest in him. "I'm just going to rip it up," Taeil announces.

 

"What, why?" Sicheng asks.

 

"You heard Mark, he doesn't like me."

 

"He said he doesn't know how Taeyong feels about you. Isn't that what you said, Mark!?"

 

Mark nods, "Yeah...who knows...maybe he does like you. I could be wrong."He says he doesn't know who Taeyong likes but he's probably just saying that, right? Most likely, after all Mark is one of the people closest to Taeyong and if anyone knows who he likes, it'd be Mark. He definitely has to know who Taeyong likes and it's obviously not Taeil. "Exactly! You won't know how he truly feels about you until you confess to him!" Sicheng says, sighing. _But...I already know how he feels about me..._ Taeil lowers his head, "I think he'll reject me.. "He whispers.

 

Sicheng frowns, "I don't! I think he'll read your letter and love it! If he doesn't like you now, then I bet he'll like you after reading this! It's not even for me but I feel all warm on the inside after reading it," He says, giving him a thumbs up.

 

"Really?" Taeil asks, "You don't think it's dumb?"

 

Sicheng shakes his head,"It's cute, really!"

 

Maybe this letter isn't so bad. Maybe he should give it to Taeyong... Taeil takes his love letter back and folds it in half. Okay, he'll do it. _Really, there's no going back this time. All I have to do is hand him my letter and everything's going to be all over with._ Taeil gasps, "Should I put it in an envelope?" Sicheng looks up from his phone for a brief moment and sighs, "Taeil, what difference is it going to make?" Okay, obviously Taeil isn't going to get a good answer from him, but what does Mark think?

 

Mark runs his hand through his hair and gives Taeil a shrug, "Really, it's up to you," He says, "But I think you should put it in an envelope. You know, that way you won't lose it and it'll just look, I don't know, more grown up if you put it in one." Makes sense to Taeil. "He's just going to rip the envelope, why put it in one?" Again, Sicheng doesn't know what he's talking about when it comes to romantic things.

 

Taeil leaves his friends momentarily to look for an envelope in his room. His room is a complete mess with clothes scattered all over his bed and on his floor and there's a bunch of clutter on his desk, but he bought envelopes earlier and for once he knows where something is.

 

Okay, never mind. Taeil has no idea where he put those envelopes and he can't just hand Taeyong a piece of paper that has his feelings written on it. This needs to be special. He quickly scans through the papers on his desk and tosses them on the ground. Most of them are recipes and rough drafts of his letter to Taeyong, nothing too important. "Where'd I put them?" He asks himself as he starts going through his desk's drawers, after he checks the last one he throws his hands up in the air. Of course, just of course. This would happen to Taeil. Maybe this is the universe's way of telling Taeil he shouldn't confess to Taey— Oh, wait they were on the floor. Never mind.

 

When Taeil comes out of his bedroom, he finds Sicheng in the kitchen with Mark. "Okay, so I found a really easy recipe. Like it's so simple anyone could do it," Sicheng announces.

 

"I still don't know what flavor he likes," Taeil mutters.

 

"He said he doesn't care, so we're going with chocolate."

 

"Are you sure we should make chocolate ones..?"

 

"Everyone loves chocolate cupcakes." Actually, Taeil prefers vanilla but that's just him. "Taeil, trust me, I found a recipe for chocolate cupcakes, and look at them! " He shows him his phone and then smiles, "Don't they look delicious?" He asks. Taeil nods. "We're going to make Taeyong these super yummy cupcakes, alright? It'll be super easy!" Sicheng announces, "I mean, what could go wrong?" Um, Taeil has a couple of ideas.


	4. The Rival

The recipe may be easy, but they'll never be able to make it if Taeil doesn't have any of the ingredients they need in his fridge. It's late and he really doesn't want to go grocery shopping but Sicheng insists they all go to the store. "It won't take that long, really," He promises as he writes down what they need on a piece of paper, "We'll be out of the store in like five minutes." Taeil knows better, he knows the moment they get to the store Mark and Sicheng will take off and see what they can get their hands on, leaving him to find all the ingredients on his own. It'll take forever to find them after he gathers everything they need to make the cupcakes too, he already knows it. He's going to be stuck at the grocery store all night.

 

Taeil was right, he knew he'd end up all alone. Mark and Sicheng stay by his side for a good five minutes before Sicheng spots something in the freezer section and completely abandons Taeil and Mark. Speaking of Mark, he leaves Taeil's side soon after, who knows where he went. One minute Taeil was talking to him, the next minute he's all by himself. Great. They said they were going to help him but looks like they forgot all about that. With a sigh, Taeil pushes his cart down an aisle, looking for sugar and flour. He glances down at the crumpled up piece of paper in his hands and tries to read Sicheng's hand writing on the shopping list.

 

It's no use, he can barely make out the words that Sicheng wrote down. He needs flour, sugar, butter....and after that he has no idea what he needs. He thinks one of the things he needs is baking powder....baking soda? He really can't read this crap, he'll just get both and they'll figure it out when they get home. He stops in front of the small section that holds all the different types of sugar and his mind goes blank. What kind of sugar does he need? White....but which one should he get? There's like five different brands of white sugar..is one better than the other? No, that's dumb...No, wait.. maybe one brand is really better than the other. Should he get the most expensive one? He kind of wants to get the cheapest kind he can get, but what if his cupcakes won't taste as good if he uses the cheap sugar?

 

Taeil grabs the most expensive sugar he can find, hoping that it really will make his cupcakes taste amazing. _This is for Taeyong and he deserves only the best. It's okay if things are a little expensive._ The more expensive things are the better they are, right? Erm, maybe not. These cupcakes might still taste disgusting even though they were made with the best high quality ingredients. This is a dumb idea, they shouldn't be attempting to make cupcakes at ten at nigh—

 

  
"Taeil!" Someone suddenly yells from behind him. Taeil jumps slightly before spinning around, clutching his sugar tightly. He frowns for the tiniest second when he sees who called his name but quickly puts on a big smile, "Jaehyun...Hi!" Why, why, just why did he have to run into Jaehyun while at the grocery store? Why did he have to run into someone he knows in the first place? Why couldn't have the building just been filled with random strangers that he'd never have to interact with? "Are you going to bake something?" Jaehyun asks.

 

"Cupcakes.."

 

"Cupcakes?" Jaehyun repeats, grinning, "If you want I can send you a recipe for some really delicious vanilla cupcakes."

 

"I'm making chocolate ones," Taeil says as he walks around Jaehyun and puts his sugar into his shopping cart. He hopes that Jaehyun just came over to say a quick hello and that he'll leave sooner rather than later but he just won't go away. Jaehyun follows him as he searches for flour and cocoa powder, and Taeil really doesn't want to talk to him. He doesn't want to talk to anyone actually, but he really, really, _really_ doesn't want to talk to Jaehyun. "I have a recipe for chocolate cupcakes too," Jaehyun announces. Of course he does, Jaehyun probably has a recipe for everything because he's such an amazing, wonderful, talented chef and he probably knows how to cook every dish known to man. Taeil's no match for a perfect guy like Jaehyun.

 

Anyways, No matter how perfect Jaehyun's recipe is Taeil can't use it, he can't use Jaehyun's recipe to make Taeyong some cupcakes. He has to impress Taeyong with his own recipe...okay, it isn't his recipe, it's one that Sicheng found online but still it's better than using a recipe his rival gave him. "Do you want it?" Jaehyun asks after Taeil stays quiet for just a moment too long.

 

No! Of course Taeil doesn't want Jaehyun's super amazing recipe for homemade cupcakes. He wants to win Taeyong's heart with the recipe he stole off the Internet. "Sure..." Taeil somehow ends up saying though because A, he doesn't know how to properly reject Jaehyun's offer and B, because he doesn't want to seem rude. "Alright," Jaehyun takes out his phone, "I'll send it to you when I get back home." Taeil's not even going to look at that message, he swears as soon as he gets it he's just going to text, 'Thanks' to Jaehyun and go back to baking his gift for Taeyong. "Well, I have to go," Jaehyun announces, he places a hand on Taeil's shoulder, "I'm having dinner with Taeyong in a little while. See you later, buddy," He says before winking at Taeil. He's having dinner with Taeyong?

 

Taeil clutches his chest. Why is it that every time he gains a little bit of courage something like this happens to him? Guess what Taeil's brain is telling him to do again. That's right, it's telling him to just give up, that nothing matters anymore, that he's such a loser! _He's having dinner with Taeyong... He's having dinner with..._ Maybe it's not a dinner date, maybe it's just going to be a nice meal between two friends. Somehow he finds that hard to believe though. Everything seems so pointless now. Jaehyun already confessed, didn't he? He confessed and now he and Taeyong are together. Taeil really did wait too long to confess.

 

Taeil smiles, "Have fun," he replies before turning his cart around. It's no use, there's really no point in spending all this money now. Taeil's just going to put all this crap back and go back home. He knew he shouldn't have put off telling Taeyong about his feelings for so long, he knew he should have told him how he felt months ago. If he would have just told him how he felt earlier then...They probably wouldn't have ended up together anyhow, Mark said Taeyong didn't like him after all. But if he would have done something earlier maybe he wouldn't feel as regretful as he does now.

 

Taeil reaches into his cart and just as he's about to grab the bag of flour he got he hears Sicheng's voice and freezes, "Taeil, I got ice cream!" He grins, "I figured we'd need some." For what? Since when did the recipe call for ice cream? He puts his giant tub of chocolate ice cream into the shopping cart before turning to Taeil, he stares at him for a long moment before asking, "What's wrong with you?"

 

There's so much Taeil wants to say but he's hesitant to do so. He wants to tell Sicheng that they should just give up. That this plan isn't going to work. That he doesn't want to confess anymore. That even if he does confess Taeyong and him won't end up together because Jaehyun and Taeyong are already together. That he just wants to go home and pretend like everything's okay. Taeil wants to rant and rave about how he's such a loser for waiting so long to confess. He's also such an idiot for thinking he had a chance with Taeyong in the first place. He wants to give up. He doesn't want to confess anymore, since Jaehyun and Taeyong are already together there's nothing for Taeil to do but accept things. He accepts that they're together and he's just going to give up on Taeyong.

 

It's no big deal.

 

It's really no big deal.

 

Taeil's not upset or anything.

 


	5. Mark saves the day

Sicheng puts his arm around Taeil's shoulder and gives it a light squeeze, "What's wrong?" He repeats in a soft voice. How does Taeil tell Sicheng that he wants to give up for the millionth time without disappointing him or annoying him? Taeil lowers his head, "I ran into Jaehyun..." He mutters, and he hopes that's enough of an explanation, but apparently it isn't because Sicheng urges him to continue speaking, "Go on.." He says. Taeil sighs, "He's having dinner with Taeyong tonight." _He's having dinner with Taeyong, and there's officially no chance of Taeyong and I ever getting together now._

 

Sicheng goes quiet, and Taeil swears he sees a sad expression pop up on his face for the tiniest second before he gives him a smile. "Let's get the rest of the stuff," Sicheng whispers after a long moment of silence. Didn't he hear Taeil? "But there's no point in making these dumb cupcakes," Taeil frowns, "Let's just leave. I don't want to tell him anymore."

 

"You have to!" Sicheng insists. Why? Why does Taeil still have to confess? Why does he have to be rejected and have to deal with the heartache that comes with the rejection? Why can't he just stay quiet and be happy? "You can't just let Jaehyun steal him away from you!"

 

"Sicheng, they're already together."

 

"You don't know that!"

 

"I do!"

 

Sicheng scowls, "They're not together...if they got together Jaehyun would have told me...!" He pulls his phone out of his pocket, "Jaehyun said he wasn't going to confess until he knew how Taeyong felt about him," he mutters. Well, obviously Jaehyun found out how Taeyong feels about him. Taeyong must like him, like how can he not like Jaehyun? And the moment Jaehyun found out Taeyong liked him back he confessed, and now they're dating. "I'm going to ask him if he told him," Sicheng announces. He's just wasting his time, if Jaehyun and Taeyong are having a nice romantic dinner date then obviously Jaehyun already told him he has feelings for him.

 

"They're not dating," Sicheng repeatedly mumbles as he walks besides Taeil. Taeil really admires how positive Sicheng is sometimes, he wishes he could be like him. Life would be a lot easier if he were brave and optimistic like Sicheng is. Taeil tosses a pack of butter into his cart and sighs again. _I'm such a loser..._ He thinks. "Why isn't he answering?" Sicheng asks. _Because he's on a date with Taeyong, duh._

 

Sicheng groans, he puts his phone back into his pocket and glances at Taeil,"Look, They're definitely not on a date." They are though! Jaehyun and Taeyong definitely are on a date right now. "Okay, listen to me, Jaehyun and Taeyong are not dating. But if you don't hurry up and confess they might start seeing each other." Sicheng says slowly, "You have to confess in the morning no matter what." Why is he so insistent? This isn't even his love life they're talking about. Taeil closes his eyes, he takes a deep breath and slowly exhales it, "There's no point in telling him."

 

"We can't let them start dating."

 

"They're alrea—"

 

"Stop saying that!" Sicheng yells all of a sudden. "They aren't together, okay?" Why is he getting so upset?! It's really not a big deal, if Taeil can accept it why can't Sicheng? Taeil sighs, " Fine," he says, surrendering. If Sicheng says Taeyong and Jaehyun aren't dating...then they aren't dating... Even though they're totally dating. Even with Sicheng by his side Taeil's still all on his own. Sicheng's acting really weird, he keeps looking at his phone every three seconds instead of helping Taeil find things on their shopping list, and it's kind of annoying. Wasn't he the one who needlessly insisted they make these things? How come he's not helping?

 

Taeil takes out his own phone and sighs when he sees it's almost eleven. _This is ridiculous_ , he thinks as he crosses the last thing off their shopping list. He and Sicheng are just about to get into a line to check out their items when Mark makes his long awaited return. And what's this? He has a bunch of snacks in his arms. Cute, but the last time Taeil checked you don't need cheddar popcorn to make chocolate cupcakes, but hey, what does he know!? "Ready to go?" Mark asks as he drops his junk food into the cart. "Yeah..." Taeil mutters. _Let's just get this over with._

XXX

  
Taeil, Mark, and Sicheng really shouldn't be allowed anywhere near a kitchen. Taeil's eyes are heavy and he's having a hard time keeping them open as he watches Mark struggle to crack an egg. He's actually struggling to crack an egg, oh, bless his soul. "Okay, I can do this," He says to himself before gently tapping the egg against the kitchen counter. Taeil sighs, "You have to hit it harder than that..."

 

"But what if the whole thing just explodes?!" Mark asks. The whole thing isn't going to just explode, it's an egg not a bomb. "Just tap it hard enough to crack it," Taeil instructs. Mark once again taps the egg he's holding a little too lightly, and Taeil wants to pull his hair out. "Let me do it..." He says, holding his hand out. "I can do it!" Mark says, "I can do it!" Why are Taeil's friends so stubborn? Taeil runs a hand through his dark hair and glances over at Sicheng. That kid is really acting weird, he's barely said a word since they left the store and he still refuses to look up from his phone. What's wrong? Did something happen to someone?

 

"I did it!" Mark screams at the top of his lungs, he holds his hand up in the air after successfully cracking the egg and grins, "High five!" Adorable. Taeil smiles back at him, "I knew you could do it," He says, giving him a high five. Mark cracks another egg and adds it to the sugar and butter that's already mixed into the bowl, "Now what?" He asks. Taeil shrugs, "I think we add vanilla extract next...Right, Sicheng?" 

 

Sicheng glances up, "Huh...Yeah, sure." He nods, "Next mix in vanilla extract... I think."That didn't sound like a proper answer. How much should they use? And what if they're doing everything wrong? Why isn't Sicheng over here telling them what to do? He's the one with all the instructions. They're going to mess up, they're definitely going to mess up! Oh...What if someone ends up with food poisoning? "I want to do it!" Mark says, excitedly. Well...at least one of them is enjoying themselves.

 

Taeil gasps, suddenly remembering they forgot a very important step, "I forgot to preheat the oven.." He mutters. He leaves Mark alone with the handheld mixer for literally thirty seconds and when he comes back...there's a mess all over his kitchen counter, don't ask him how it happened because he doesn't know. Why is Taeil being punished? He doesn't want to clean he just wants to finish making these cupcakes and go to sleep. "My bad," Mark says to himself or maybe to Taeil, who knows!?

 

Taeil really wants to take control of things, if he was the one mixing the batter there'd be less of a mess on his counter but no, no, Mark's a big boy and he insists he can mix the batter all by himself. Taeil's basically forced to watch as Mark measures ingredient after ingredient and adds them to their cupcake batter, it's horrifying. Mark is even clumsier than Taeil is, and Taeil's so afraid that he'll spill something or accidentally knock something off the counter and break it that it's not even funny.

 

After several suspense filled minutes though, Taeil stares down at the giant bowl filled with cupcake batter. That's it? They're done? That was easy...way too easy ...they , well, Mark must have done something wrong. Making cupcakes has to be harder than this. Taeil places cupcake liners into each of the holes in the muffin pan and after he's done Mark taps him on the shoulder, he points at the cupcake batter, "I want to pour it in." That's the most horrifying thing Taeil's heard all night. "I think I should do it.." Taeil says, and Mark frowns, "I can do it. Really, look," He orders as he grabs the glass bowl off the counter. _Mark, no._ Taeil's no chef...he's not even a home cook but he's seen enough tutorials on the Internet to know that Mark shouldn't just go and pour the batter into the wrappers like that. "Wait!" Taeil yells, "I've watched a couple of videos on how to make cupcakes, and I think you should use like an ice cream scooper to scoop out the batter..."

 

"Why...I can just pour it in like this—"

 

"Mark!"

 

"Okay, okay..." Mark grumbles.

 

Once the cupcakes are ready to go into the oven, Taeil slides the muffin pan onto the top rack and closes his oven door before walking over to his kitchen table and collapsing onto a chair. That was exhausting and he only did like two things. "I told you it'd be easy," Sicheng says, grinning. _You didn't even do anything_ , Taeil thinks bitterly. "And I have another great idea!" He announces before grabbing a plate, "Okay, so why don't you take a plate, a nice one, right?" Taeil nods. "You take a plate and sit your letter on it and then place the two best looking cupcakes on top and then while Taeyong's eating he'll see your letter and be like, 'Oh, what's this?' " That's actually a cute idea and if Sicheng would have suggested it before they went to the grocery store Taeil would have definitely went along with his plan. "He'll be so surprised when he sees your letter and after he reads it he'll definitely come over to you and thank you for such an amazing gift. And then do you know what happens after that?."

 

"What? " Taeil asks.

 

"You go out on a couple of dates, fall in love, and then after that live happily ever after."

 

In what universe is that a possibility? The reality of things is, if Taeil shows up at work and does exactly as Sicheng tells him to do he'll end up embarrassed. Crushed and embarrassed. Taeyong will take a bite of one of his cupcakes, he'll hate it of course, but he's nice so he'll probably lie and say they're good. And then once he sees the envelope he'll pick it up, read Taeil's letter, and then turn to him and say, "I just don't like you like that, sorry." And that'll be the end of things. Mark sighs, "I still don't think...never mind."

 

Maybe Taeil should say he doesn't want to confess anymore because he wants to wait and see if Mark's friend will confess. Of course Taeil still thinks that's all nonsense, again, no one likes him but he needs to give his friends a good reason to back out of things. Or, or, tomorrow he could just conveniently forget to bring his cupcakes and his letter. Right, all he has to do is 'Accidentally' oversleep and leave his apartment in a rush, leaving his cupcakes and letter behind! Sicheng would probably see through his lie but it'd buy him some time to think of a better excuse. Yeah, okay Taeil's going to do that.

 

Sicheng gasps all of a sudden and his entire face lights up, "He finally answered!" He taps Taeil's arm repeatedly, "Look!" He says, holding out his phone, "I told you he didn't confess yet." What...? So...Jaehyun really is just having a normal dinner with Taeyong? They aren't out on a date or anything? Okay, but what if he confesses after din— "You still have a chance." Sicheng points at Taeil, "You have to confess to him tomorrow, okay?"

 

"Bu—" Taeil doesn't get to finish his sentence, the timer he has set goes off and fills the room with a loud buzzing sound. Mark jumps out of his seat, "I'll get it!" He announces. Taeil doesn't have anything like oven mitts in his apartment, so Mark grabs the next best thing. He goes over to the oven with a towel, pulls the cupcakes out and a second later screams, "Hot!" Everything goes downhill from there, and Taeil can do nothing but watch as his gift to Taeyong hits the ground with a loud clacking sound. Sicheng stands from his seat immediately,"Mark!" He yells. _Did that just...did that just happen?_ Taeil thinks to himself as he watches Sicheng scold Mark.

 

Taeil gets to his feet and walks over to the mess on his kitchen floor, he sighs, "It's okay..." He says, trying to hide his happiness. "Really... I didn't want to give him cupcakes anyways... I'll find another thing to give him."

 

Sicheng shakes his head, "It's still early. Let's make another batch."

 

_Let's do what now?_


	6. The Missing Letter: Part 1

No, no, no! There's no way they're going to make another batch of cupcakes at 11:27 at night! Taeil's kicking these kids out of his apartment and he's dragging his old body to bed. "I have to get up early in the morning," Taeil says, and honestly he doesn't know why he's wasting his time trying to explain this all to Sicheng, he has to get up early to go to work too! "It won't take that long to make another batch," Sicheng replies, frowning, "It'll only take like half an hour." Yeah, and in half an hour it'll be midnight! Taeil shakes his head, "I'm going to bed!" He announces and he's actually kind of proud of himself, like look at him! He's actually standing his ground for once.

 

Mark stares down at the ground "I'm sorry..." He mutters in a tiny, broken voice. He bends down and picks the muffin pan up off the floor, "Really...I didn't mean to....I didn't mean to mess up your gift," Taeil's not mad or even slightly upset, really, he didn't want to make these cupcakes anyways. And he doesn't want to tell Taeyong he has a stupid crush on him, and give him some crappy cupcakes and a horribly written letter either. He's happy Mark dropped the cupcakes, now there's one less thing he has to worry about. "It's fine," Taeil gives Mark another smile and afterwards crouches down to help him clean up the mess.

 

Sicheng groans, "Taeil..." He calls out softly. No, no matter what he says Taeil isn't going to change his mind, he's going to bed as soon as he cleans this mess up. He's going to bed, he's going to bed, he— "We have to make Taeyong those cupcakes!" We? We? He didn't even help make the first batch, he was too busy waiting for a text from Jaehyun! And plus he's not the one who would have to give Taeyong the cupcakes, it'd be Taeil. "Your confession needs to be special, isn't that what you said?" Yes, Taeil said that but that was hours ago when he still had the energy and the courage to confess to Taeyong.

 

Taeil glances up, "I'm not going to tell him I like him," He says for like the millionth time tonight. Sicheng clicks his tongue, "You have to!" He insists once again. It's obvious that he isn't going to listen to Taeil, whatever, Taeil's done talking about this. He goes silent, and Sicheng doesn't take too kindly to being ignored. "You have to tell Taeyong you like him, Taeil!" He says, stomping his foot down like the immature child he is. Taeil still doesn't reply, and Sicheng balls up his fists, "Jaehyun and Taeyong can't get together!"

 

"I said I'm not doing it," Taeil says as he gets to his feet, he glances up and locks eyes with Sicheng. Sicheng's eyes are all watery, why though? Why is he so upset?! It's really no big deal, it's not like this is the first time Taeil said he was going to confess to Taeyong and then changed his mind at the last minute. Why is he getting so emotional? "They're really going to end up together if you don't do something..." Sicheng says, looking down at the ground, "Jaehyun really likes him..." _Yeah...I know._ "He really likes him and he's going to confess and," Sicheng's voice starts to crack and suddenly he stops speaking, "Don't be such a chicken, how hard is it to tell someone you like them?" He asks after a moment. _Real fucking hard._

 

Taeil points at Sicheng, "I'm not going to fight with you, Sicheng!" he says, voice rising slightly. Maybe it's because he's tired, He isn't sure, but right now he really can't stand the sound of Sicheng's voice. He's being so annoying and all Taeil wants is for him to go home. "If you have a problem then leave," He tells Sicheng and as soon as he does, he starts to feel bad. This isn't like him, he never raises his voice and... And, he really feels like a jerk now. Sicheng's just trying to help him finally confess to Taeyong. Sicheng glares at him, eyes filled with tears, and without saying another word he leaves the kitchen.

 

Okay, maybe Taeil really was a little too harsh... Maybe he should go apologize. He hears his front door slam and he flinches slightly. Actually, maybe Taeil should leave Sicheng alone for a little while. "What's wrong with him...?" Mark mutters. He's probably super annoyed right now, Taeil doesn't blame him though because he's kind of annoyed with himself too. He keeps on saying he's going to confess to Taeyong, and he's asked Sicheng to help him out several times now, but he can never do it, he can never confess. Taeil always ends up losing the courage to confess at the very last minute and it's annoying, so freaking annoying. Sicheng has every right to be pissed off, Taeil's such an annoying coward. "He's probably just tired," Taeil replies, sighing.

 

Mark and Taeil finish cleaning up the kitchen and afterwards Mark once again apologizes. Taeil wishes he wouldn't though, like he's seriously thankful that Mark went and ruined the cupcakes they baked. "...If you want I'll go to the store tomorrow and buy you some cupcakes...They won't be homemade or anything but..." Mark says, trailing off. Aw, he really is the sweetest little guy Taeil's ever met. Taeil pats Mark's back, "You don't have to do that, I already said I wasn't going to confess."

 

"Is it because I...you know..."

 

"Nope," Taeil chuckles, "I just can't do it. Like, I really can't do it," He shakes his head, "I just want to give up, really. Like...we're never going to end up together anyways, so why bother confessing, you know?" He pauses, "I'm going to give up on him. Really, I'm serious this time." Mark's eyes go wide, "Then...Do you want to date my friend?" Oh, God, there he goes again. "Because like I said he really does like you, and I think I can convince him t—"

 

Taeil raises his hand, "Goodnight, Mark."

 

"I'm going to tell him to hurry up and confess!" Mark says as he walks out the front door, "Okay? Like I'll make sure he tells you how he feels by the end of tomorrow, alright? Be ready." Taeil wants to roll his eyes. "I'm going to make him do it, I swear."

 

"Goodnight, Mark," Taeil repeats.

 

"Night!"

 

Taeil shakes his head as he closes his front door and locks it. Mark is really taking his little joke way too far! Is Taeil supposed to be excited? Is he supposed to stay up all night tossing and turning, wondering who's going to confess to him tomorrow? Well, he's not. Nobody, and he means nobody, is going to confess to him tomorrow. At the end of the work day Mark will come to him laughing, saying, "Haha, you totally fell for it, didn't you?" _Sorry, kiddo, but I'm not falling for your little prank._ Mark should have tried to fool Sicheng instead, he's still young enough to be tricked into believing someone likes him when they really don't.

 

Taeil yawns, he turns off his TV and then shuffles to his bedroom. His eyes feel heavier than ever and he knows tonight isn't going to be one of those nights where he stays up worrying about everything. He flops down onto his mattress, not bothering to cover himself up as he finally closes his stinging eyes. He keeps them closed for about five seconds before an image of his love letter pops up in his head and instantly haunts him. God, he really wrote Taeyong a love letter, didn't he? A lame, cliché love letter! Taeil hates himself, he really does!

 

Taeil hates himself but he hates his love letter even more. He needs to destroy it. He needs to rip it, or burn it, or feed it to a dog, or make a ninja star out of it and fling it across the ocean. He needs to do something with it because if he doesn't it'll keep him awake all night. How embarrassing, he actually wrote someone a love letter...Who even does that these days? Taeil climbs out of bed and walks back out into the living room. The last time he checked his love letter was on his coffee table but when he goes over to it, his letter's not there.

 

 _Where'd I...I could have sworn I put it..._ Taeil frowns. He checks underneath his coffee table, in between his couch's cushions, and even underneath the couch but he still can't find his letter to Taeyong! "Where the hell did I put it?!" Taeil asks himself. _Okay, think, don't get frustrated just retrace your steps._ Okay, he had it in his bedroom earlier but he definitely left the room with it. Or maybe he didn't... Taeil groans, he returns to his bedroom and turns on his light. He still has a bunch of papers all over his floor and desk, god, how is he ever supposed to find his letter in this mess? Taeil glances over at his alarm clock and once he sees it's midnight he groans again. _Forget it, I'll look for it tomorrow._

  
  
Taeil climbs back into his bed. It's no big deal, it has to be somewhere in his apartment. Pft, it's not like he accidentally took it to the grocery store and lost it there. Oh, god...but what if...No! It's definitely somewhere in the apartment. But.. But what if Taeil did bring it to the grocery store without knowing it? What if he lost it there...? What if Jaehyun picked it up?! Taeil quickly sits up in his bed. _I gotta find that letter..._

Taeil searches his room, cleaning it up a little bit in the process, but he still doesn't find his letter. It's not in or on his desk, on the floor, underneath the bed, in the closet, or even in a ridiculous place like in one of his shoes. Okay, now he's panicking, it's almost one in the morning and Taeil is two seconds away from tearing his apartment apart. He can't sleep now, he has to find that damn letter. _Is it in the bathroom?_ Why the hell would it be there?!

 

Taeil knows his letter isn't in the bathroom but he still searches for it in there and isn't even slightly surprised when he doesn't find a white envelope in the bathtub or sitting on the toilet. _Think, think, just think for a second!_ He tells himself once again. _Maybe it's in the kitchen..._ Yeah! It has to be in there if it isn't in the living room! Okay, Taeil's really just freaking out for nothing. It's in the kitchen, it's in the kitchen, it's definitely, without a doubt, in the kitchen!

 

Taeil rushes into his kitchen, and in a perfect world he'd find his letter waiting for him on the table, but guess what?! It's not there. If Taeil really did leave it at the store or something he's seriously going to cry. He doesn't want anyone, well, other than Mark and Sicheng, to know how he feels about Taeyong! Even if he doesn't know the person he still doesn't want them to know he has feelings for the cute guy he works with. Taeil crouches down and checks under his table. "Come on.." He says, biting his bottom lip. He gets back up and checks the counter and, nope, there's still no sign of his letter. Why, why, why did he have to go and lose something so embarrassing?

 

Taeil buries his face in his hands, "It's okay, it's okay," he chants quietly over and over, and over again. "It's really okay..." Ha, who is he kidding? This is anything but okay.

 


	7. The Missing Letter: Part 2

Taeil looks everywhere in his apartment, every freaking where, but he still can't find the letter he wrote for Taeyong. He really wants to run back to the grocery store and look for it there, but he can't do that. The store's definitely still open since it doesn't close, but if he goes to the store this late at night just to look for a letter people are definitely going to judge him. Or if he goes there and doesn't buy something the employees will probably think he stole something, and Taeil's no thief! He just wants his letter back.

 

Taeil forces himself to go to bed at about three in the morning because if he doesn't go to sleep, and soon, he's going to be too tired to get up for work tomorrow. And then if he doesn't show up for work, Sicheng and Mark are probably going to think he's skipping work just because he's too afraid to confess to Taeyong, but that wouldn't be true! Or, or, they'll think he's missing work because of the fight he and Sicheng had earlier. Was it a fight...? Whatever, that doesn't matter right now. He has to sleep, he has to try and get a good night's rest. He has work in like four hours. He's going to go to sleep. Really, he's going to do it.

 

Suddenly Taeil's bed is extremely uncomfortable. His pillows feel all hard and he just can't seem to find a comfortable spot to lie in. He tries laying on his side but that isn't comfortable, so he rolls over onto his other side and, what a surprise, he isn't comfortable on that side either. He tries lying on his back but there's no way he could ever fall asleep in that position, so he tries lying on his stomach instead but that just doesn't feel right either. He rolls over onto his side once again and glances at the digital clock next to his bed.

 

It's funny, the more he looks at his clock the more time seems to pass by. Apparently Taeil can make time go faster just by looking at his clock. Incredible, who knew he had a secret super power?! He keeps telling himself not to think, to just go to sleep but every couple of minutes he finds himself thinking about that stupid letter! Taeil really is going to lose his mind! He keeps telling himself not to think about it, that it's probably here at home and he doesn't have to worry about like the lady who stocks shelves finding his letter and reading it. But he's still worried, he's still so, so, so very worried.

 

When Taeil still can't sleep and his heart starts beating so fast he thinks it's going to be arrested for speeding, He sits up in bed and takes some slow, deep breaths because he's scared that if his heart beats any faster he'll like die or something. He has to calm down, this is ridiculous! He shouldn't be freaking out like this so late at night. Really, he has to calm down. Maybe if he pretends he doesn't care eventually he'll feel better and really won't care where that letter is. Yeah, yeah... So he lost his letter to Taeyong, so what? It's not like it matters anyways...he's going to give up on Taeyong, right? Right, so why does it matter if someone sees it? By the time someone reads it Taeil will already be over his feelings for Taeyong, and if someone asks Taeil if he likes him he'll be able to roll his eyes and arrogantly ask, "Who'd like him?!" Pft, who cares about Taeyong? Taeil doesn't! And he doesn't care about his letter either....

 

None of that is true...Taeil still really likes Taeyong, he's going to stop liking him as soon as tomorrow com—...as soon as the sun comes up. He's going to stop worrying about that letter too. _Just go to sleep_ , He orders himself. He looks at his clock one more time. _5:36 Am_....Taeil has to get up in an hour or so.. He still has time to sleep. He can do it, he can fall asleep before his alarm goes off. And he'll wake up and be somewhat refreshed, and definitely not a nervous mess. He's going to go to sleep right...now!

 

Taeil literally has his eyes closed for two in a half minutes and the next thing he knows the clock besides his bed is going off. An hour couldn't have gone by that fast...it can't really be six already. Oh, but it is. Is this some kind of joke? Taeil covers his face with a pillow and whines, he doesn't want to get up. He wants to go to sleep, he wants to go to sleep and then afterwards wake up from this nightmare. Taeil hits the snooze button on his alarm clock and tells himself to get up and get a shower...of course he stays in bed for another ten minutes instead of doing so.

 

Taeil hates being an adult. He hates having to go to work. He hates having a crush on Taeyong, he hates having feelings in general! He hates love letters too! Taeil's going to curse whoever invented love letters and being in love, not that he's in love because he's definitely not in love with Taeyong or anything. Taeil hates everything! He especially hates cupcakes though, none of this would be happening if he didn't want to make his confession to Taeyong special by giving him cupcakes and a stupid, lame, crappy, love letter. Taeil hates cupcakes with all his heart and he's going to spit on the next cupcake he sees.

 

When Taeil arrives at the bakery he works at he spots Sicheng standing outside by the front door. Cupcakes are also the reason why Taeil and Sicheng's friendship is going downhill. Those disgusting, tooth rotting pastries... Has Taeil mentioned how much he hates them? Taeil wants to apologize, no he needs to do it because he doesn't want one of his best friends mad at him over something so trivial. He walks up to Sicheng, "Hey..." He says. Sicheng gives him a small smile and waves, "Hey..." He replies. A short moment of silence goes by before Taeil sighs, "Look, about last night..."

 

"I was a brat..." Sicheng mutters.

 

"No... You had every right to be upset," Taeil replies, "It must be annoying having to deal with me always changing my mind. And, plus, I raised my voice and I didn't mean to do that, you know...I didn't mean to upset you in the first place either..."

 

"You didn't..." Sicheng insists, "I was just upset because..." He pauses for a second, "Because..." He bites his lip, "Look, it doesn't matter why I was upset. I'm sorry for being a little jerk."

 

"No, I'm sorry!"

 

A giant grin spreads across Sicheng's lips, " I forgive you, and, look!" He reaches into his hoodie and pulls a white envelope out of his pocket. _Please tell me that's not..._ "I thought you'd lose it, so I took it last night and..." That isn't Taeil's love letter. That can't be Taeil's love letter, Taeil lost his love letter in the grocery store and now a bunch of cashiers are all gathered in a circle reading it, just laughing at Taeil and all his dumb feelings. There's no way in hell the envelope in Sicheng's hands has Taeil's missing letter in it.

 

Sicheng forces the envelope into Taeil's hands, "Today's the day," he announces, "You're going to go in there and tell him you like him, okay?" What? No! Today is definitely not the day Taeil confesses. Today is the day Taeil starts anew! He doesn't like Taeyong anymore! Really, he's already over his crush! He was over his crush the moment he got out of bed! "You're going to be brave and confess to him." _I know you heard me last night!_ Taeil thinks, _I said I wasn't going to tell Taeyong I like him!_ "I'm not going to tell him!" Taeil says, this time out loud and not just in his head.

 

Sicheng completely ignores him, but at this point is that even surprising!? He tries to shove Taeil through the bakery's front door, but Taeil isn't going inside without a fight. "I'm not doing it!" He yells."Yes you are!" Sicheng replies, he pushes on Taeil's back and tries to get him to go inside but, nope, nope, there's no way Taeil's going inside and telling Taeyong he likes him. He's staying outside until it's time for the bakery to open. He's not going to move, nuh uh! "You're going to tell him you like him, and when you two get together you're going to thank me for being so annoying," Sicheng says, giving him another push.

 

Taeil spreads his arms and legs out and holds onto the door frame for dear life, "I don't like him anymore," he whines, "I really don't like him. I can't give it to him if I don't like him."

 

Sicheng clicks his tongue, "You're like madly in love with him!" He yells. Taeil's cheeks heat up. That's not true! That's so not true, he doesn't love Taeyong. He doesn't, he doesn't, he does— Sicheng gives him a hard push and the next thing Taeil knows he's falling forward. He bumps into one of his coworker's on accident and he instantly looks down at the ground, feeling slightly flustered, "Crap, I...I..." He stammers in a tiny voice, "I didn't mean to... I'm sorry," He apologizes.

 

Taeil really didn't mean to bump into anyone.. Sicheng was pushing him and..and Taeil didn't think that he'd... And he smacked into him pretty hard too, and...and... _Woah, he smells really good_ , Taeil thinks, out of nowhere while he's in the middle of freaking out. He inhales rather loudly though his nose, trying to get another whiff of his coworker's cologne. He realizes afterwards though that it's absolutely not okay to go around sniffing his coworkers like that. It's definitely not okay and he hopes he didn't just sniff like Taeyong. No...Taeyong smells good but he doesn't smell _this_ good. "Sorry.." Taeil gasps, "I...I.." Oh, and how exactly is he supposed to explain himself this time? He finally gathers up enough courage to look up, and he's so relieved when he sees Johnny and not Taeyong or like Jaehyun or Yuta.

 

Wait, no, he's not relieved in the slightest, he just sniffed Johnny like a giant freaking weirdo. What does he say? What the heck is he supposed to say now? Huh? What does he say to make things less weird?! Johnny doesn't reply to Taeil's apology, instead he just stares at him. Taeil knew it! Johnny thinks he's a weirdo, a tiny weirdo. It's just he smells so good, and Taeil... Johnny blinks, "I'm sorry.. What did you say?" He asks, leaning forward. "I said I'm sorry for bumping into you.." Taeil repeats. _Oh, and also for smelling you like a creep._ "Oh, " Johnny nods, "Yeah, don't worry about it."

 

Neither of them say anything after that, and Taeil doesn't know what he's supposed to do now. Like does he say a goodbye? Or tell Johnny he has to get to work..? Or does he make up some other excuse to leave? See, this is why Taeil doesn't talk to people! He doesn't talk to people because he never knows what to say! Maybe it'd be okay to just walk away. No..that'd be rude. "Um..." Johnny says all of a sudden, "Actually I kind of wanted to talk to you about something.." What? Why? Taeil and Johnny never talk to each other! Is Johnny going to fire him... Can he fire him? No..?

 

"Can I talk to you in priv—"

 

A pair of hands clamp down onto Taeil's shoulders and he jumps. "Sorry, Johnny, Taeil can't talk anymore," Sicheng says, interrupting Johnny. He pushes Taeil forward and once again Taeil starts to panic. He wants to cling onto something, anything, and prevent Sicheng from pushing him forward any more. He can't confess to Taeyong, there's no way in a million years he'll ever be able to do it. Taeil looks over his shoulder and gives Johnny the most pathetic look he can make. _Help me tall one, please..._

 

"Break a leg," Sicheng laughs, he gives Taeil one more hard push and sends him into the kitchen. Taeil spins around. He wants to run, he wants to hide.. He wants to get the hell out of this bakery. Sicheng's blocking his only exit though, and when Taeil tries to escape, he puts his hands on Taeil's shoulders again and spins him back around, "If you don't do it, I will," He whispers. That isn't fair.. This isn't fair, Sicheng has to understand where Taeil's coming from, hasn't he ever been too afraid to confess to someone? And...and anyways Taeil said he didn't like Taeyong anymore and he meant it. He really did!

 

Taeil looks around the room and as soon as he sees Taeyong his heart starts pounding. _Stop it, stop it damn it! we're over him, remember?_ Taeyong glances up and smiles as soon as he sees Taeil, " Good morning," he says happily. _He's... He's so cute..._ Taeil wants to cry. Look at him, just look how cute he is. Taeil loves h— Oh, for the love of...!


	8. The Confession

This needs to stop! Taeil doesn't like Taeyong anymore. He refuses to like him! He's over him. He's 100% over Taeyong and he's ready to move on with his life now. He means it! Taeil once again orders himself and his heart to calm down, but that rebellious little organ of his continues to pound wildly in his chest instead of obeying him. This needs to stop, seriously! Taeyong doesn't even like him like that. Taeil needs to give up on him. He can't just keep saying he's going to do it and then continue liking Taeyong either.

 

Starting now he's really going to stop liking Taeyong. Taeil takes a deep breath and tries to calm down but it's no use, he can't relax with a certain somebody in the room. "Do you want to do me a favor, Taeil?" Taeyong asks. _Holy crap, he knows my name! He actually knows my name!_ That really shouldn't be surprising... They've been working together for like nine months now. "Taeil?" Taeyong repeats in such a soft voice, and, wow, his voice is so pretty. And honestly Taeil could listen to it all day, but if he did that then he'd be too distracted to do anything else and that wouldn't be good. "Taeil?" Taeyong calls.

 

When Taeil finally returns to reality his cheeks start to burn, he was really just standing there staring at Taeyong like an idiot, wasn't he? God, that's so embarrassing. "Huh?" Taeil replies, lamely. "I said could you do me a favor?" Taeyong repeats with a smile. _God, that smile..._ Taeyong's smile is beautiful. It's so beautiful and comforting, and whenever Taeil sees it he feels absolutely ecstatic. Even if he's having a bad day, seeing Taeyong's smile makes him forget everything that was troubling him, and even if it's for a small second, he feels nothing but pure joy. No overwhelming anxiety, no stress, no anger or sadness, he only feels a happiness that he only gets when Taeyong's around.

 

"Taeil?" Okay, okay! Taeil really needs to start focusing because he has no idea what Taeyong's even saying. "Oh..I'm..I'm...sorry..I'm..." Great, now he can't speak. "Sorry, I'm sorry..I'm tired and...what did you say?" Taeil asks, and Taeyong heaves a sigh. Oh, no is he annoyed now? "Will you help me?" Taeyong asks.

 

Taeil points to himself, "Me?" _He wants me to help him in the kitchen?_ What? No way! Is there like some other guy named Taeil behind him or something? Taeil looks over his shoulder, there's nobody behind him, it's just him and Taeyong all alone in the kitchen, even Sicheng's gone now. Oh, god, he's all alone with Taeyong. "Yeah, Jaehyun isn't here yet and we're a little behind this morning.." Taeyong pauses momentarily to grab two piping bags, "And I don't know where Yuta ran off to..."

 

This can't be happening. There's no way Taeyong would ever ask Taeil to help him with anything. Taeil's dreaming right now, yeah, yeah, he must have been so exhausted he fainted once he got to work. Yeah, that's it, this is a dream and Taeil's actually unconscious behind the front counter. "I think Johnny went to look for him? I don't know.." Taeyong mutters, shaking his head, "Anyways, I know it's not really your thing but can you help me frost some cupcakes?" He's....he's joking, right?

 

Taeil watches in horror as Taeyong fills one piping bag with vanilla frosting and the other with chocolate, afterwards he holds out the piping bag with the brown frosting in it, "So, can you help me?" God, Taeil hates cupcakes but he can't just refuse to help Taeyong. He shoves his letter into the front pocket of his jacket and nods, "Sure.." He replies, smiling. Okay, he can do this. It's not like he has to bake anything. The pipping bag isn't going to randomly catch on fire either, it can't, at least he hopes it can't. Taeil doesn't have anything to worry about.

 

Right, all he has to do is put icing on a couple of cupcakes. Pft, no problem. Taeil cautiously approaches the kitchen counter and takes the piping bag Taeyong's holding out. There's no reason to be nervous, he's not going to mess up and embarrass himself in front of Taeyong. He's not! He's going to remain calm and cool and frost these stupid cupcakes. _I can do this. I can do this, I can definitely do this..._

 

Taeil's seen Taeyong frost cupcakes plenty of times in the past and he's also seen several people in videos do it before. He can mimic them. He can do this, this is actually something he can do. Taeil squeezes the frosting out of the piping bag and slowly moves his hands in a circular motion as he frosts his first cupcake. His hands start to tremble and now Taeil's afraid. He doesn't want to screw this up, he wants Taeyong to be proud of him...but his hands are so shaky, and he's worried he'll ruin the cupcakes and make them look hideous.

 

Once he finishes putting frosting on his first cupcake, he glances over and sees that Taeyong's already put frosting on like four of his cupcakes. What the heck? Why is Taeil so slow? He needs to go faster. But what if he messes up...? If he messes up Taeyong will be so disappointed and what if he can't fix Taeil's mistake? What if he has to bake a whole batch of new cupcakes? Should Taeil just give up now? He could always make up some excuse and run away..

 

With Taeyong next to him, most of Taeil's confidence is magically gone within a second. This always happens to him! He hates it, it's so annoying. Why can't he stay calm around Taeyong? Why is he always so afraid he'll screw up around him and end up embarrassed? He wishes he could go five minutes, five freaking minutes, without being so anxious around Taeyong.

 

  
Honestly Taeil's never been so intimidated by a dessert in his life. He has to frost twelve cupcakes, twelve of them! All while Taeyong's standing next to him. Taeil can't do this..he's never even held a piping bag before. Can Taeyong ask him to do something else? Like Taeil could put some cake in the display case. Or, or..He could slice some bread or wipe the kitchen counter, he could probably do anything but this.

 

  
Taeyong's probably watching him right now, judging him. And he's probably thinking, 'How hard can it be to put icing on a couple of cupcakes? Huh? I shouldn't have asked you to help me!' Taeil glances over at Taeyong again, expecting to see a pair of eyes glaring back at him but.. Taeyong isn't even looking at him. He's too busy frosting his own cupcakes. He's already put icing on six of his cupcakes. Taeil needs to hurry, he needs hurry or else Taeyong really will regret asking him for help.

 

Taeil heaves a small sigh as he puts icing on another cupcake and afterwards a third one. Taeyong's already done and now he's watching Taeil, and Taeil's heart wants to fly out of his chest and do cartwheels around Taeyong. He's really going to end up screwing up if Taeyong keeps staring at him. Also if Taeyong's so fast at frosting cupcakes why'd he even ask Taeil to help in the first place? Taeil doesn't get it...

 

Out of the corner of his eye he sees the kitchen's double doors swing open and afterwards someone sighs loudly. Well, that's a little discouraging. "Taeyong, what is he doing in here?" Why does Yuta sound so disgusted by Taeil's presence?! "If he messes up, we're screwed," Yuta grumbles. Um, Taeil's well aware of that and that's exactly why he's trying his hardest not to screw up.

 

Taeyong places a hand on Taeil's shoulder. God, he's touching him. He's actually touching him. His hand, his big, warm hand is right on Taeil's shoulder! Right on his shoulder! "He's not hurting anything," Taeyong replies. He leans over towards Taeil, "Don't listen to him, okay, Taeil?" He whispers into his ear. Right into his ear! Taeil feels weak. "You're doing a great job." Did he just...Did he just compliment Taeil?! Holy shit. Taeil wants to run out of the kitchen and tell Sicheng all about Taeyong's little compliment but he can't! He has to finish, he has to make Taeyong proud and prove to a certain somebody, Yuta, that he isn't a nuisance.

 

Okay, right. He can do this. He can do this and make Taeyong proud. He's going to actually make Taeyong proud! The double doors open again and this time Johnny's the one who walks into the kitchen. Okay, never mind. Taeil's going to mess up. There's way too many people in the kitchen now, and Taeil's confidence just jumped out of the window as soon as Johnny came in. He feels like everyone is watching him, waiting for him to fail.

 

Taeil wants to tell himself that he's just imaging things, that nobody's paying attention to him, but that wouldn't be true. The moment he looks up he locks eyes with Johnny. He's watching him, why though? _Stop looking at me,_ Taeil thinks _, just do your own work...please stop looking at me..._ Taeil looks back down at the cupcakes in front of him, he tries to ignore Johnny's gaze but he can feel him staring at him. God, he's waiting for Taeil to mess up just like Yuta is, isn't he? He is. And the moment Taeil messes up he's going to be kicked out of the kitchen and then Johnny and Yuta are going to say mean things behind his back, or at least Yuta will.

 

Somehow, it takes him forever, but somehow Taeil finishes frosting the cupcakes just like Taeyong asked him to. He turns to Taeyong and pulls at his sleeve, "Um, I finished.." He announces in a tiny voice. Taeyong smiles at him, "Thanks," He puts his arm around Taeil's shoulder, "Really, you did a great job," He says.

 

Taeil did it! He actually did it! He put frosting on a dozen cupcakes and now Taeyong's complimenting him, and, and...wow, he's so close. Too close, way too close. Taeil's heart is racing and it only beats faster when he locks eyes with Taeyong. "You should help me out more often," Taeyong says, grinning. Did.. Did he hear him right? Did Taeyong really say he should help him out more often?! Taeil wants to scream. He can't scream out loud though so he'll just do it in his head. _AHHHHHHHHH—_

 

Taeil's little celebration comes to an end once Johnny clears his throat and pulls him out of his thoughts. "Taeil.." He says softly, "Could we speak outside for a moment?" What? Why?! Is he going to scold him? Taeil didn't even do anything! Or at least he doesn't think he did. "But.."

 

"This will only take two minutes, I promise."

 

"Alright..."

 

Taeil sighs. Really, why does Johnny want to talk to him? Taeil didn't do anything bad, right? He doesn't think so and plus Johnny doesn't look mad or anything. Okay, then what does he want to talk about? Did something happen to Mark? No, no, if something happened to him Johnny would have said something by now. Does he know Taeil likes Taeyong? How?! Did he hear Sicheng and Taeil earlier? Did Mark say something?!

 

Taeil follows Johnny outside, he's starting to think he shouldn't have done so though. What if Johnny really does know all about his crush? What if he wanted to tell Taeil to give up on Taeyong and focus more on his work? What if he just wanted to tease him? God, Taeil hopes Johnny doesn't start teasing him.

 

Johnny heaves a long sigh, "Okay, I'm just going to say it." Say what? Oh gosh, he's not going to say, 'I heard you and Sicheng talking earlier.' Is he? _Please don't say you know I like Taeyong. Please, please, please. Say anything but that._ "I..." Johnny pauses, "Look, I.." He runs his hands over his face and groans, "Okay, give me a second."

 

"Okay...?" Taeil replies, slightly confused.

 

Johnny takes a deep breath, "I.." He locks eyes with Taeil for the smallest second before looking down at the ground, "Shit," he mutters. Okay, Taeil has no idea what's going on now. He really did think Johnny was going to say he knew about his secret but maybe he doesn't know... Or maybe he knows but that's not what he wanted to talk about.

 

Johnny groans, "I really didn't think this would be so hard," he says, chuckling. He takes Taeil's hand, and now Taeil really is confused. Like..why is he holding his hand? "Okay, Taeil..." Johnny pauses one more time before saying, "Taeil, I like you." _What?_ "Like I really like you, lik—"

 

Taeil frowns, "Did Mark tell you to say that?"

 

"What? No i—"

 

Taeil yanks his hand back, "That's not funny," He says, cutting Johnny off, "Like that's really not funny." He shakes his head, "I'm going back inside." Okay, Mark's little joke's gone too far. It's gone way too far. It was okay when he was just saying someone liked Taeil, but did he really have to get Johnny to lie and say he liked Taeil just to make his little joke more believable?

 

Johnny follows Taeil back inside. Taeil wishes he'd just go away, he doesn't want to hear a bunch of lies. This is ridiculous, isn't Johnny a little too old to be playing with people's emotions like this? "Taeil, I'm serious," He whispers, "I really like you." What a joke! How can he like Taeil? He doesn't even know anything about him! Taeil stops walking, "Fine," He says, nodding. He turns to Johnny, "I don't like you back though."


	9. It Happened Again!

Johnny lowers his eyes, "I figured..." He whispers before covering his face with his hands. This isn't the kind of response Taeil thought he'd get. He thought Johnny would just scoff and say, "Whatever, I don't really like you anyways." And then the joke would finally be over, and they'd both just go their separate ways. Why isn't Johnny taking everything back? Why isn't he admitting that this is all one big joke?

  
Johnny sighs and finally uncovers his face, "I just wanted you to know how I feel." How he feels? Oh, come on! He can't really like Taeil! What's there to like about Taeil?! Oh, does Johnny find the way he opens the cash register attractive? Does Taeil's awkwardness and inability to speak to people turn him on? Does his heart skip a beat every time Taeil screws up and breaks something? Huh? What's so great about Taeil? What part of Taeil does he like?

 

Johnny says he likes Taeil, and Taeil's just supposed to believe someone as good looking as Johnny likes him? Get real. Johnny doesn't like Taeil, why would he when Jaehyun and Taeyong work here? Sicheng and Yuta aren't exactly bad looking either. He could like one of those stunning men but, no, Johnny claims he likes Taeil, that's...that's just a bunch of bullshit. This joke is really getting out of control. "I'm not falling for this trick," Taeil frowns. He's too old to fall for this trick, this is the kind of crap kids in middle school pull. When you're young there are some people who will say they like you but they're really just joking around, they don't even think you're a little cute. They just want to see how gullible you are and then laugh at you when your poor heart ends up broken. Well, Taeil's not going to fall for this. He's not a little kid and he's not going to believe everyone who comes up to him and says they like him. He's not going to have his heart broken, nope.

 

Johnny sighs again, "Taeil, I'm telling you the truth." You know, Johnny's a pretty good actor, he actually seems kind of sincere, doesn't he? "Taeil, I like you. " He said it again. He's mean, he's a lot meaner than Taeil thought he was. "You have no idea how long I've had a crush on you.." Oh, and how long has he liked Taeil? Two months? Three months? Five months? Is he going to say he fell in love with Taeil the moment he first laid his eyes on him? Barf. "I don't like you," Taeil repeats. He's so tired of this childish game, he's never going to believe Johnny likes him. Never. Mark and Johnny should try and fool someone else. Again, they could probably fool someone young like Sicheng or even Jaehyun but they're not going to fool Taeil, not with this trick.

 

Johnny really should be an actor! The pained expression that appeared on his face after Taeil said he didn't like him was incredible. He looked so hurt, he looked like Taeil just punched him in the chest. Incredible! And he really looks like he's desperately trying to keep it together right now. Give this man an award! "Alright..." Johnny, replies, voice cracking slightly. Okay, he can stop pretending to be sad now, this is getting old. "That's all I wanted to say..." He announces. Okay, but when is he finally going to admit that he was being a dick and joking around? When is he going to say Mark made him do this as part of some cruel joke?

 

Johnny smiles, "I'm..." He pauses and quickly covers his eyes, "I'm going back into the kitchen." He's really dedicated to this lie! He actually looks like he's going to cry! Wow, if only Taeil knew how to control his emotions like Johnny does. Liking Taeyong would be a lot easier if he could act as well as Johnny does. Even if Taeil were anxious or something, if he took some acting lessons nobody would know how he's really feeling, he'd be able to put on a smile even if he was having a mental break down. It'd be great!

 

Johnny turns around and starts to make his way to the kitchen. Taeil scowls. So Johnny's not going to admit that he's lying? He's just going to leave and hope Taeil ends up believing him? What a jerk. "Wait!" Taeil shouts. Johnny freezes, it takes him a moment but eventually he slowly spins around. "What is it..?" He asks, eyes filled with hope. "I'll never like you. Never," Taeil says, still frowning, "You can go now." There. Now this little joke is really over, or at least Taeil hopes Mark and Johnny are done playing this dumb game. He hopes Johnny texts Mark as soon as he gets back into the kitchen and tells him that their little prank isn't working on Taeil and that they should just give up. Johnny shuts his eyes and once again exhales a loud sigh, "Okay. I understand." Good!

 

Once Johnny returns to the kitchen, Taeil starts to wipe the front counter. He can't believe Johnny actually 'confessed' to him. He really stood in front of Taeil, looked him in the eyes and lied to his face! It's unbelievable! Johnny's always seemed like a good guy but then again Taeil doesn't really know him. Johnny could be a giant playboy, one who plays around with people's hearts, or maybe he isn't a playboy but still likes toying with people like Taeil for fun. How mean! Taeil would never tell someone he liked them if he didn't mean it. He could never hurt someone like that, he cares way too much about other people's feelings.

 

Taeil stares down at his hand and frowns. He held his hand... Just how far was he going to go to prove that he 'liked' Taeil?! Whatever. Taeil's done thinking about Johnny and his fake confession. He was having a pretty good morning before all this crap with Johnny happened, but now he's annoyed, he won't be for long though. He's not going to let Johnny ruin his day. Taeil glances down at the hand that Johnny touched again. He wants to forget about everything... He shoves his hands into the front pockets of his coat. They feel strangely empty....

 

Taeil feels around in his pockets and when he still doesn't feel his letter, he clicks his tongue. It was literally just in there a few minutes ago... _Where did it go..?_ He didn't drop it, did he? No! _No, no, no, please tell me I didn't lose it again!_ Taeil takes his coat off and searches his pockets but they're empty. They're really empty... He looks on the ground behind and in front of the counter and over by the front door but he doesn't find his letter anywhere. Did he lose it while outside with Johnny? Crap, what if it's out there and someone picks it up?

 

Taeil really should be doing something, anything, work related right now but if he doesn't find that letter he's going to start freaking out. He steps outside to check the sidewalk in front of the bakery, unfortunately, he doesn't have any luck finding his letter outside either and quickly goes back inside. _Crap...where did I put it?_ Where was the last place he even had it...? In the kitchen! _Oh, crap...no, no, no. It can't be in there._ Oh, god, no.

 

Sicheng comes out of the kitchen, humming as he carries out fresh donuts. Taeil rushes over to him, "Did you see my letter in there?" He whispers. Sicheng raises an eyebrow, "No...why?" He asks. _Oh, god. Please don't say that. Please tell me you saw my letter and picked it up before anyone had a chance to see it. Please._ "Didn't you give it to Taeyong already?"

 

"No..."

 

Sicheng frowns, "Why the hell not?"

 

"Because I was frosting cupcakes....?"

 

Sicheng groans, "Really?" He asks, "You had all that time alone with him and you didn't give him your letter?" No, he didn't, and he'll gladly listen to every single one of Sicheng's complaints after they get his letter back. "I know, I know..I'm a big chicken...." Taeil whispers, "But look, that doesn't matter right now." He swallows hard, "I think I lost my letter in the kitchen.." He whines.

 

Sicheng gasps, "What?" He whispers. "I..." Taeil starts to say, "I... I lost the letter." As he repeats the last parts of his sentence his voice starts to crack. How could he go and lose something so important so soon after getting it back? He shouldn't have helped Taeyong out in the kitchen. He should have ripped the envelope in half as soon as he had it back in his possession. Taeyong's going to see it. Everyone's going to see it. God. Yuta, Jaehyun, Johnny, they're all going to see his love letter too. They're all going to know Taeil likes Taeyong, and they're all going to start talking about him and they're going to laugh at him. Then, then... They'll all taunt him and pester him until he feels like he can't come to work anymore. He knows how this works, he knows what kind of people his coworkers are.

 

Taeil's chest feels tight, "He's going to see it," He whispers, "Everyone's going to see it." Actually now that he thinks about it, he doesn't know why he instinctively ran to Sicheng. Taeil may not want Taeyong and the rest of their coworkers to see his letter, but Sicheng definitely does. Why else would he bring the letter to work in the first place? Taeil already said he wasn't going to confess but Sicheng didn't listen, and, and now Taeil's going to be publicly humiliated. Why did he write Taeyong that stupid letter? Why, why, why, why? He's so stupid. "Okay, listen, we're going to get it back," Sicheng says, nice and slow, "Okay, don't get upset." Don't get upset? How is he supposed to react in a situation like this?!


	10. Things just keep getting worse

Taeil knows he's in a public place and honestly the last thing he wants to do is add to his embarrassment by breaking down, but he has no control over his emotions. Tears are already gathering in his eyes and he's trying desperately to hold them back, but he's not sure if he'll be able to keep from crying for much longer. If he starts crying everyone in the kitchen will hear him. They'll hear him and come out of the kitchen and then they'll see him. They'll start to stare at him too, and what is he supposed to say if they ask him what's wrong? He can't tell anyone about his letter. Even if he could he wouldn't, everyone would just laugh at him if they heard he was freaking out because of something so stupid. And, maybe they'd have every right to laugh at him, maybe Taeil's overreacting. Maybe this isn't a big deal after all.

 

Taeil doesn't want to let even a single tear fall from his eyes, not here, not at work. What if Taeyong sees him crying? That'd be so embarrassing.. And what if.. What if Taeyong thinks he's being over dramatic? Or What if he thinks less of Taeil for not being strong? God, Taeil can't cry. He can't. He won't. He tells himself to calm down but, he can't. The more he talks, the more upset he gets. It's the same with thinking, the more he thinks about that stupid letter, the worse he feels. "They're going to see it before we get it back!" Taeil screams. Okay, he has to calm down. He can't make a scene at work, he has to calm down. "They're not going to see it, okay?" Sicheng assures him, "Okay? Let's go get it back."

 

Taeil wants his letter back so badly, but he doesn't want to go back into the kitchen because he really is scared that everyone at work has already seen the letter, and if they have, then Taeil doesn't want to show his face to any of his coworkers. He doesn't want to see their expressions or know any of their opinions on the matter. "Please.." he begs, and he can barely speak at this point. Words won't leave his mouth as smoothly as before, and it's embarrassing. Simply pathetic. "Can you," he pauses to take a deep breath. _Stop it, calm down_. "Can you..." He tries to get the sentence out three, four, even five times but he can't. He just wants to stop talking. He wants to say screw it and just run away.

 

"Taeil, calm down."

 

If calming himself down were easy, Taeil would have done it already. He really is trying to calm down before someone else sees him but he can't. His face is all wet and sticky from his tears, and he wants to stop. He wants to stop, he really, really, really wants to stop being so upset but he doesn't know how to calm himself down right now. Telling himself to calm down isn't working, taking deep breaths isn't working, and being positive or whatever isn't working either, nothings working. What is he supposed to do? He can't get his mind off of that humiliating love letter. He hates this. "Can you go get it...?" Taeil finally manages to say. He knows he's an adult, and he knows he should go back into the kitchen and get his letter all by himself but he cant. He can't, he can't, he can't. He's scared.

 

Sicheng nods, "Okay, I'll get your letter back," he pats Taeil's shoulder, "Stop crying, okay?" He says softly. But Taeil's letter is in the kitchen, he doesn't know where in the kitchen, but it's in the kitchen and someone's going to see it. He really doesn't want anyone else to know he likes Taeyong. But everyone's going to see the letter. Everyone in the kitchen's going to see it and laugh at him. If he thinks he's embarrassed now he doesn't even want to think about how he'll feel when everyone starts to talk about that stupid piece of paper with that stupid confession on it. Why did he even write it in the first place?! He never should have written it, he should have forgotten about wanting to confess to Taeyong.

 

Maybe Taeil shouldn't have told Sicheng he liked Taeyong in the first place. Sure, he's one of Taeil's best friends, but all of this is happening because Sicheng went and brought that stupid envelope to work. Taeil said he didn't want to confess but Sicheng didn't listen, he just wouldn't listen. He never listens! And maybe he did only want the best for Taeil but this happened, and now everyone's going to know Taeil has a bunch of gross feelings for Taeyong. if everyone at work finds out Taeil likes Taeyong, Taeil swears he'll never trust Sicheng with another secret again. How could he?

 

Taeil went to Sicheng and he asked him for help, and instead of helping him, Sicheng tried to force Taeil to do something he didnt't want to do, and wasn't that way more harmful than it was helpful? "I'm going to go get it," Sicheng announces, "Alright? I'll be right back." Taeil nods, "Okay," he replies, sniffling. He wipes his face again. _Stop it, that's enough._ He takes another deep breath and exhales it. His heart is beating way too fast, it's something he didn't notice until now. He needs to calm down, his heart shouldn't be beating this fast. He really needs to calm down. He inhales and holds his breath, and afterwards he exhales. He repeats the process several times but it's not working. He can still feel his heart pounding alarmingly fast. "It's okay," He tells himself, "Everything's going to be okay."

 

Sicheng comes out of the kitchen a few minutes later, his hands are empty though. _Where's the letter?_ Why didn't he get it back? He was supposed to get it back! "Um..." Sicheng says, rubbing the back of his neck, "I couldn't find it." What does he mean he couldn't find it?! That has to be some kind of joke! That's definitely some kind of a joke, and Taeil's had enough of these sick little tricks his friends keep playing on him. "What do you mean?" He asks, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

 

"I couldn't find it.." Sicheng repeats, lowering his head, "But don't worry... I'm sure nobody's seen it." If Sicheng can't find the letter that means someone else did, and that means they've probably read it too. Someone's seen it, someone's definitely seen it. "Look again," Taeil orders, "Please." Sicheng sighs, "I already told you I couldn't find it."

 

"Look harder."

 

"I'm not the one who lost it..."

 

Yeah, he's not the one who lost it but he definitely helped Taeil lose it. Sicheng's the one who brought the letter to work, he's the one who insisted that Taeil confessed and he's the one who forced Taeil into the kitchen. This is all Sicheng's fault. Okay, part of it is Taeil's fault too because he really should have ripped that letter up before any of this could happen. He's so stupid. "But...I'll try looking for it again," Sicheng mutters. Taeil watches as he heads back into the kitchen, and usually Taeil isn't one to get his hopes up but right now he hopes that Sicheng will find his letter. Even if he knows it's pointless to get his hopes up he's still hoping there's a slight chance Sicheng's right.

 

The room feels hot all of a sudden, even hotter than the kitchen feels with all the ovens running. Taeil fans himself in a desperate attempt to cool himself down a little but it's not working. He's hot, so, so hot. His skin feels like it's burning, god, why is it so hot? He was alright just a second ago, he was even a little chilly before but now he's roasting. He wipes his forehead as sweat trickles down his face. _It's so hot_ , he thinks. He doesn't have a fever, and he knows for a fact that the temper in the room didn't change but still he's hot. He's hot and he's starting to feel uncomfortable in his own skin.

 

Sicheng rushes out of the kitchen just as Taeil's considering going to the bathroom and splashing cold water onto his face. "Okay, listen..." He walks over to Taeil slowly with this weird look on his face. He looks slightly horrified, but why? "Don't freak out when I tell you this, okay." That's not a good sign. Nothing good ever happens when someone tells you not to freak out. Taeil's going to end up freaking out, there's no doubt about that. "Where's the letter?" He asks. Sicheng chuckles nervously, "Promise me you won't freak out."

 

"Where's my letter?"

 

Sicheng gives him an awkward smile, "Yuta has it...?" He laughs. That's not funny, that's anything but funny. _Please say you're joking, please, please, please_. "I saw it on the ground and I was going to pick it up...but..Yuta got to it first?" He chuckles again, "But don't worry." There he goes again telling Taeil not to worry. What the hell is Taeil supposed to do then?! "Did he read it.." Taeil asks in a small voice. Sicheng doesn't reply. Why isn't he replying? Yuta either read the letter or he didn't. Which one did he do..? Oh, Taeil has a feeling he already knows what Yuta did with his letter.

 

"Sicheng...did he read it?"

 

"Yes, but don't worry! I made him promise not to tell anyone."

 

Does Sicheng actually expect Yuta to keep a secret?! The moment Yuta finds out about some juicy gossip he's always the one who goes around the bakery telling everyone what he just heard. Everyone's going to know about Taeil's secret by the time the day's over with. No, no, knowing Yuta he'll tell everyone Taeil's secret before the hour's over with. This truly is the worst thing that could have happened to Taeil. If Taeyong would have been the one to find his letter then Taeil would've been more than a little embarrassed, but at least he'd be able to relax a little knowing that Taeyong probably wouldn't go around telling everyone that Taeil has feelings for him. If Jaehyun found it he probably wouldn't have to worry about him telling everyone either. If Johnny found it...Well, Taeil wants to say Johnny would keep his secret but after Taeil 'hurt' him, he'd probably be out for revenge, but then again Taeil could be wrong.

 

Sicheng bites his lip, "I tried to get it back but he wouldn't give it to me.." Yeah, Taeil figured that much happened. "He said if you want it back so badly you'll have to come get it." So, Taeil's just supposed to bravely march into the kitchen and demand Yuta give him his letter back? He can't do that! Everyone will be watching him, wondering what's going on, and what's he supposed to do if they ask about the letter!? He can't just let Yuta keep the letter either because he'll definitely show it to everyone. Oh, what is Taeil supposed to do? How is he supposed to fix all of this before Yuta goes and runs his mouth!?

 

What if it's already too late? What if the moment Sicheng left the kitchen Yuta showed the other's Taeil's letter? Taeil's eyes start to water again. God, why is this happening? The bakery's supposed to open any minute now, he doesn't have time to worry about all of this. "He's going to show it to everyone..." Taeil whines, covering his face. "He's not!" Sicheng insists, "He promised he wouldn't!" Anyone can make a promise, Taeil could promise to give up eating junk food right now but does that actually mean he has to keep that promise? Will his crappy promise stop him from running to the nearest store and buying some soda and a giant bag of the saltiest chips the store has to offer? Nope. And Yuta's little promise to Sicheng isn't going to magically stop him from telling the world about Taeil's crush on Taeyong.

 

Sicheng wraps his arms around Taeil and pulls him into a tight embrace, "It's okay, alright?" He whispers, "Yuta won't tell anyone." He will though. Sicheng might trust Yuta, but Taeil doesn't. Taeil and Yuta aren't friends so why would Taeil's feelings matter to him? Why would he care if Taeil ends up embarrassed? Why would he feel like he needs to keep Taeil's secret? What's stopping him from sharing Taeil's secret with the world, huh? That's right, nothing.

 

Taeil's throat feels tight, uncomfortably tight. He feels like there's something stuck in his throat that's making it hard to swallow, he knows there's nothing but he still feels like there's something there. He feels like he's choking. His entire body is burning up again too, and having Sicheng hugging him is only making him feel hotter. "I don't feel good," He announces. That's not just an excuse either, Taeil feels like there's seriously something wrong with him, he has no idea what though. He needs some air, or something, because he can't stand being in this hot room any longer. "I have to go to the bathroom," He says, pulling away from Sicheng.

 

Taeil makes it about halfway to the bathroom before the hallway he's in starts to rock gently back and forth. Okay, now he knows there's something wrong with him. The room shouldn't be moving like this, this isn't normal, it can't be normal. He was okay, well sort of, just a minute ago but now something's wrong. What's wrong with him? He closes his eyes and waits a couple of seconds, when he opens them again he expects to see that everything's still again. It's not though. _What the hell?_ He takes a couple of more steps forward and now, now he feels like he's going to fall over.

 

What's wrong with him? Should he tell Sicheng something's wrong? Should he call for help? But he doesn't even know what's going on, he doesn't know what he'd tell someone if they asked him what's wrong either. All he'd be able to say is something's not right. Can he still even be helped if something's wrong and he gives a description like that? What if he can't? What if something's seriously wrong with him but nobody knows how to help him because Taeil doesn't even know what's going on himself?

 

Taeil tries to take another step forward, he's afraid, he's really afraid he's going to fall over and like pass out. Okay, he's just going to forget about going to the bathroom then. He has to have a seat and calm down. Yeah, maybe there's nothing wrong with him after all. Yeah, yeah, maybe he's just scaring himself. He's okay. There's nothing wrong with him. Taeil sits down on the ground, he doesn't care if the floor is dirty or anything, he just needs to sit down and rest a little. He's okay. He's going to be alright in a couple of minutes.

 

Taeil's heart is still pounding and it's not showing any signs of stopping or slowing down. He's scared. All of these things are happening to him at once and he has no idea what's going on or if he should go to the hospital. He kind of wants to go to the hospital because who knows, maybe he's really sick. Taeil hopes he isn't. He really thought he was fine up until a couple of minutes ago... But you can never be too sure with these things. Taeil could probably make it back out to Sicheng without falling or something, should he do that? Yeah...he feels really sick.

 

Taeil manages to get back up to his feet. The room isn't moving anymore but he's still worried it might start swaying again and that he won't be able to make it back to Sicheng. He takes a few cautious steps forward, he doesn't feel like he'll fall over anymore, so that's good, but he still feels all hot and uncomfortable, and his heart is still racing. He fans himself again, but it's not helping in the slightest. He sighs. _What the hell is wrong with me?_ He wonders again.

 

Taeil slowly makes his way out of the hallway, and, maybe he does have some kind of luck because Sicheng's still behind the front counter and he just finished a phone call not even a second ago. "Sicheng, something's wrong..." Taeil announces in a panicked voice. "What's wrong?" Sicheng asks. Taeil was afraid he'd ask that. He really doesn't know what the hell he's supposed to say, and he's kind of afraid that if he describes his symptoms Sicheng will think he's lost it. "I don't know.." Taeil replies, "Just... something's really wrong with me, man."

 

Taeil figured Sicheng would rush him out of the bakery and help him get to the nearest hospital, but he doesn't. He asks Taeil what's wrong again and after Taeil does his best to tell him what's going on with him, instead of saying, "Okay, let's get you to the doctor." Sicheng says, "Sit down and rest." Taeil already tried doing that but he doesn't feel much better. What if something's seriously wrong with him? Shouldn't they get him to the hospital as soon as possible? "Okay? If you don't feel better in five minutes, I'll call for help." Taeil could be unconscious or worse in five minutes! They should leave now!

 

Taeil has a seat at the front counter even though his brain is telling him that he needs to get checked out as soon as possible and that he doesn't have five minutes to waste. "You're going to be okay, just calm down," Sicheng says as he pours Taeil something to drink. Taeil's so tired of having to hear Sicheng tell him to calm down. It's frustrating, how's he supposed to calm down when he doesn't know what's wrong with him? Huh? Taeil would like to see Sicheng calm down in his shoes. Taeil probably won't feel better in five minutes or ten minutes or ever, something's horribly wrong with him. He knows it, he can feel it.

 

Taeil rests his head on the counter and watches Sicheng as he runs in and out of the kitchen. He starts to feel bad after watching Sicheng carry food out of the kitchen after a while. He should be helping Sicheng carry things out of the kitchen instead of sitting around. When Sicheng brings a rather heavy looking cake out of the kitchen, Taeil gets out of his seat, "I'll take that for you.." He mutters.

 

"Are you feeling better?" Sicheng asks. Is Taeil feeling better? Is he feeling better....? Actually, yeah, he is. And now he feels like he really was being over dramatic because he doesn't feel even a little sick anymore. He probably made Sicheng worry for nothing. He didn't mean too though, he really did think something was wrong with him! "Yeah," Taeil says, nodding.

 

Mark arrives at work a few minutes after Taeil and Sicheng finish placing food in the display case. Like always, Taeil's thrilled to see his little buddy, but Mark doesn't look so happy to see him. As soon as he steps through the front door he glares at Taeil, and Taeil doesn't understand why. He didn't do anything to make Mark mad, at least he doesn't think he did, so why does Mark look like he wants to punch him? "Really, man?" He asks, approaching Taeil, "Really?" He repeats.

 

"What...?" Taeil asks, "What's wrong?"

 

"I understand that you don't like Johnny, but why didn't you let him down a little easier?"

 

Oh, that's what he's so mad about. Taeil doesn't get why he's actually upset though, it was all just one big joke anyways. It's not like Taeil actually hurt Johnny's feelings or anything. "You hurt him, man," Mark frowns, "You hurt him bad."

 

Taeil scoffs, "Come on, Mark. We both know he doesn't really like me."

 

"He's crazy about you!"

 

"Mark, stop playing around."

 

Mark groans, "Taeil, this isn't a joke, man!" _Yes it is..it has to be._ "He really likes you!" No, no he doesn't..there's no way he could like him...especially not after everything Taeil's said to him. "Why would he lie about liking you?" Because...Because..."Why would I have him tell you he liked you just as a joke?" _Um...because...um..._ Mark clicks his tongue, "This isn't a joke, he really has it bad for you, man."

 

"Really...?" Taeil whispers.

 

"Yes!"

 

"Why?"

 

"Don't ask me!" Mark says, frowning again, "Go ask him." If Mark's telling the truth...if everything's not a joke then that means Taeil....but he didn't mean to...he really thought Johnny was just playing around. He did! He really did! Oh, god, he was such a jerk to Johnny earlier. He really didn't mean to say all that crap, he just thought that...Crap, crap, crap. Johnny must feel horrible. Taeil's such an idiot. He feels so stupid right now.


	11. How Embarrassing...

Part of Taeil still stubbornly thinks that everything is a joke. Part of him also refuses to believe someone would ever like him. Even though Mark's repeatedly said Johnny's confession wasn't part of some childish joke, even though Johnny himself said that his feelings for Taeil were real and that he was being sincere, there's still something telling Taeil that there's still a chance that everything's a lie, and that this is just a joke that Mark and Johnny have dragged out for far too long. He's waiting for the joke he's so sure they're playing on him to end, for Mark to finally start laughing and say, "We got you! Ha, Nobody likes you." It'd be a lot easier to accept that everything is a joke than to accept that all of this is real and that Johnny actually has a crush on him.

 

It doesn't seem real...none of this seems real. Taeil's just supposed to believe that someone likes him? He's really just supposed to believe that someone who's good looking and has a good personality likes him? Someone likes him instead of liking Jaehyun or Taeyong, or Sicheng or Yuta, or even Mark, and Taeil's just supposed to accept that? Well, he can't accept it.

 

Why would Johnny like him? Has he seen their coworkers?! If Taeil were Johnny he wouldn't like Taeil, the last person he'd like would be Taeil. If Taeil were Johnny he'd probably like Jaehyun. Because..well, because Jaehyun is the second most perfect human being on earth. He and Johnny also seem to get along well. They're always together and they seem super close, and if Taeil didn't know any better he'd say Jaehyun and Johnny like each other. Johnny and Jaehyun go so well with each other, but oddly enough, they don't have feelings for each other. Jaehyun likes Taeyong, which is more than understandable, and Johnny....Johnny has a crush on Taeil, and that doesn't make any sense.

 

Why would he like someone he barely even talks to? Why would he like someone he has nothing in common with? Why would he like someone who's annoyingly shy when he's the most outgoing person on this planet? Why?! Why would Johnny like someone who's so anxious it's pathetic? Why would he like someone who's short and awkward and kind of clumsy? Why would he like someone so average looking? He could have someone perfect like Taeyong or Jaehyun. Why would he like someone like Taeil instead!?

 

Johnny can't like Taeil. He can't really like him, he can't, he can't, he can't. Even if he says he likes Taeil more than anyone on this planet, he can't really mean it. One, because he can't possibly know what Taeil's truly like because if he did he'd pity him instead of liking him. And two, because if Johnny really, truly liked Taeil, then Taeil would have noticed something. He would have noticed some kind of sign!

 

If Johnny liked Taeil then...then he'd probably be nervous around him and he might even stutter when they talk to each other, but Johnny doesn't seem nervous at all around Taeil. And, okay, let's say Johnny has so much confidence and control over his emotions that he never gets nervous around anyone. Okay, fine. Then Taeil would have noticed some other sign that said, ' _Hey, this guy likes you.'_

 

If Johnny liked him then he'd probably like stare at him all the time, or maybe he'd get all touchy with him, or try to get him alone, or maybe he'd try to show off to Taeil. He'd treat Taeil differently than the others too, he'd make him feel special or something, but he doesn't do that. If Johnny really liked him he'd do something to show that he's interested in Taeil but he's never done anything! In fact, Taeil's willing to bet that Johnny didn't even know he existed until like this morning. There's no way he really likes Tae—

 

Mark sighs, "Taeil, he's really not playing around. He likes you a lot, man." But...but how!? Why?! " I swear that this isn't a joke." Mark has said that Johnny really has feelings for Taeil several times now, but Taeil's still struggling to believe it. "Like I woke up this morning, and I had a bunch of texts from him," Mark announces as he takes out his phone, "He was saying things like, 'I never should have let you talk me into doing this' and 'Damn, I knew getting rejected would hurt, but I didn't know it would hurt this much' and do you know what I told him? " Mark asks, and Taeil shakes his head. "I told him to just forget about you. There's plenty of fish in the sea, you know?" Mark shakes his head, sighing, "Guess what he said after I told him that."

 

"What...?"

 

"But I really like him..." Mark says, and afterwards groans.

 

"No way..."

 

That's a lie, right...? If Taeil were just rejected he'd just give up on the person he likes, that would be the only option for him in his mind, he wouldn't want to continue liking that person, he'd just want to give up. Mark shows him his phone and Taeil stares at the screen for a long moment. Taeil doesn't want to believe that that text is real but he's looking at it with his own eyes. He also sees the message Johnny sent after it, the one that says: _Dude I really really fucking like him..._ Taeil doesn't know what to say anymore. "Still don't believe me?" Mark asks, "Because I can show you some more messages. All he does is talk about you, man."

  
Taeil can't believe that either. Johnny talks about him frequently and not in a negative way either? Something like that seems impossible, but Mark has proof so...So how can Taeil argue with him and say he's lying? He can't. He doubts that Mark and Johnny would fake several text messages all for the sake of a prank. "So..he really likes me?" Taeil asks. Mark throws his hands up, "Yes!" He yells, "How many times do I have to say it?" He's going to have to say it a few more times because Taeil just can't wrap his head around the idea of someone like Johnny actually liking him. "Okay...then I'm sorry for everything." Really though, Taeil's sorry. He's been rejected before but the people he's liked have never rejected Taeil like Taeil rejected Johnny. He was harsh, unnecessarily harsh.. Taeil thought that Johnny was being a big jerk and that he was just messing around with him and his feelings but it turns out Johnny wasn't lying. Turns out the one being a dick was Taeil, not Johnny. "Dude, don't apologize to me," Mark says, "You didn't break my heart."

 

"Will you tell Johnny I said sorry?"

 

Mark frowns, "No."

 

"Pretty please..?"

 

"Nope," Mark shakes his head, "Go tell him you're sorry yourself," He says, walking away.

 

But Taeil doesn't know what he's supposed to say... Like he can't just apologize and then leave. He has to explain himself and he doesn't know how to do that. Well, he does but...but the reason behind Taeil's rudeness is so stupid now that he thinks about it. 'Sorry I was so mean...I thought you and Mark were playing a prank on me.' What kind of excuse is that? It's not a very good one, and if Taeil were Johnny he wouldn't be satisfied with that explanation.

 

Taeil sighs as he paces behind the front counter, trying to figure out how exactly he's going to word his apology to Johnny. "Wait a minute..." Sicheng says, frowning, "So Johnny likes you?" He asks. That's what Mark and Johnny keep saying! Doesn't that sound like one big, fat lie? "You aren't thinking about giving up on Taeyong or anything, right?" Well, yes but not because of Johnny. Taeil wants to give up on Taeyong because there's no way he and Taeyong could ever end up together. Like if Taeyong and Taeil were the last two people on earth, Taeyong still wouldn't be interested in him. Like Taeyong would probably move to space to go be with some hot alien instead of spending a single second with Taeil.

 

Taeil stops for a second, "I want to give up on him.." He quietly announces and hopes that that's the end of the conversation, it isn't though, of course it isn't. "I don't think you should give up on Taeyong.." Sicheng says. Why not!? Isn't it better if Taeil just gives up on him? That way he won't have to experience rejection or feel absolutely horrible once Jaehyun and Taeyong get together. The way he sees it, he should just give up before he ends up hurt badly. "Like don't get me wrong..Johnny's good looking and he's a good guy, but I don't think you two will last long together."

 

"I don't like him," Taeil mutters.

 

"Okay, but what if you start to...?"

 

"I won't."

 

"But..."

 

"I want to give up on Taeyong. Not because of Johnny, but because..because.. just..he's way out of my league." Taeil sighs, "Let Jaehyun have him."

 

"No!" Sicheng screams and immediately covers his mouth afterwards. Okay, what's going on with him? Why is he still acting so weird? "I mean...I mean...I.." Sicheng babbles. His face starts to get all red, and that's when it finally hits Taeil. "Do you like Jae—"

 

"Absolutely not!" Sicheng yells. _You could have just said no..._ "I'm...I'm going to go....make sure there's toilet paper in the bathroom." _He's going to go make sure there's toilet paper in the bathroom....? What?_ That has to be the lamest excuse Taeil's ever heard in his life. Sicheng points at him, "I don't like that man," he insists, "He's so...ugh." Ugh? What does that mean? "Okay? In fact I hate him and his face. " What? What does he mean he hates him? He's always with him and when he's not with him he's always texting him. They're practically best friends... Taeil raises an eyebrow,"Okay...?"

 

"I don't like him!" Sicheng screams, "I would never like someone like him!" Well, if Sicheng says he doesn't like Jaehyun then he must not like him..even though he totally likes him and he's just trying to hide his feelings now that Taeil's aware of them!

 

XXX

  
It's almost five p.m. and Taeil still hasn't apologized to Johnny yet. Everyone will be going home soon, and Taeil will have to apologize tomorrow if he puts this off for any longer, and he doesn't want to do that. He wants everyone to go home happy, and for this whole misunderstanding to be cleared up as soon as possible. Honestly he doesn't know why it's taking him so long to go into the kitchen and apologize. He's had several chances to go in there and tell Johnny he's sorry but he hasn't gone into the kitchen since early this morning when he helped Taeyong. Whenever they needed something from the kitchen or got an order over the phone, Taeil would send Sicheng into the kitchen instead of going in there himself. Taeil's stalling, he knows he is, but he can't help it.

 

He has to apologize before the day's over with though. If he doesn't then Mark will stay mad at him, and obviously Taeil doesn't want that. Taeil will also feel like a huge jerk if he doesn't apologize by the time he gets off of work because he knows that If he doesn't apologize by the time Johnny leaves, then Johnny will probably go home, feeling miserable and thinking that Taeil hates him. And Taeil doesn't hate him! he really doesn't hate Johnny. Again the only reason why he said all that mean stuff is because....never mind.

 

Taeil watches as yet another customer walks out the front door. The bakery's empty again, and now is his chance. He has to be an adult for once. He has to walk into that kitchen and apologize to Johnny...It won't be that hard. How hard could it be to give a little apology? "I have to tell Taeyong something..." He mutters to Sicheng. He doesn't know why he's lying to be honest, maybe he's doing it though because he's afraid that Sicheng will throw a fit if he finds out Taeil's going in there to go see Johnny. Sicheng scoffs, "Are you going in there to finally tell him that you like him?" _You wish._

 

Taeil sighs loudly. _Okay, just walk up to him, tell him you made a big mistake, and apologize. It'll be easy. It'll be super easy_. Taeil's going to be in and out of the kitchen within a couple of minutes, and then he can stop feeling guilty and move on with his life. Taeil peeks his head into the kitchen. He really doesn't want to go inside, he doesn't want to have to deal with Yuta, or accidentally see Jaehyun and Taeyong like flirting or something, but he has to apologize to Johnny...God, Taeil wishes Mark would have just apologized for him.

  
The room's noisy, so very noisy because Yuta's bragging about something, Taeil doesn't know what he's talking about though. What he does know is that Jaehyun doesn't believe him because he keeps shouting things like, "Bullshit!" And "You're such a liar!" And then shaking his head and laughing. Knowing Yuta, he probably made up some story about how he got lost at the highest point of a mountain, in the middle of a winter storm, and had to fight off a pack of wolves or something, all while he had the flu and was severely dehydrated too. He's always over exaggerating things like that. Taeil spots Johnny all by himself, standing by one of the ovens. _Okay, I can do this_ , Taeil thinks as he slowly approaches him, "Um..Johnny..." He mutters.

 

Johnny gives him a small smile, "Hi..." He says. He doesn't sound like his usual self. His voice is quiet and flat, and it doesn't have that liveliness that it usually has. "Um...about earlier..." Taeil mumbles.

 

Johnny's face drops in an instant, "I don't want to talk about it." Okay, god, now Taeil really believes that Johnny feels like crap, and he's sorry. He's so unbelievably sorry. Why was he so mean to him? "Okay, I get that...I do," Taeil says, nodding, "But..um..I want you to know that I didn't mean any of that stuff I said earlier." He looks down at the ground, "I thought that you were playing a really mean trick on me. Really! I swear I didn't mean to say all that stuff."

 

Johnny sighs, "I really do like you." Taeil just can't get used to hearing that. Really though, Johnny's said that to him several times now but Taeil still doesn't know how to react properly to the sentence. He probably should be happy but Taeil isn't exactly overcome with joy. In fact, he has to resist the urge to scoff and call Johnny a liar every time he hears Johnny say that he has feelings for him. He knows now that Johnny isn't a liar but still... Taeil isn't good at accepting things like this. "Why?" Taeil finds himself asking yet again, "Like have you seen Jaehyun? Or like Taeyong? They're so freaking handsome."

 

"So are you," Johnny replies without even a moment of hesitation. _What? Is he being serious right now!?_ Taeil is...he really doesn't want to call himself ugly but...but.. Look, he's okay looking but he's not like handsome like a supermodel or anything. Taeil points at himself, "Me? I'm like a six...maybe a seven on a good day, but on a scale from one to ten those guys are definitely like one hundreds. "

 

Johnny's expression changes back to that sad one he had earlier. Great, now he really does pity Taeil. "Taeil, you're gorgeous," He insists in a soft voice, "Really, god, look at you. You're breathtaking." How can he look at Taeil and say something like that?! Maybe he needs glasses or something. "No, I'm not!" Taeil replies, raising his voice slightly.

 

Johnny places his hand on Taeil's shoulder, "I think you are." He sounds so honest right now, but once again there's something in Taeil that refuses to believe a single word Johnny's saying. "How? Do you see me?" Taeil asks.

 

Johnny nods, "Yes. And I think you're stunning." There are a lot of words out there that could describe Taeil but stunning isn't one of them. Taeil frowns. He doesn't get it...he doesn't get any of this. "Okay, I think there are tons of people better looking than I am, but whatever..." He mutters. "Anyways...yeah... Just, I'm really sorry about everything," He says. " Like..forget everything that I said earlier, okay? I didn't mean any of that crap."

 

Another grin spreads across Johnny's lips, "Alright."

 

"Like I don't want you to feel bad anymore... So yeah, I'm really sorry and...yeah," Taeil says, trying to end the conversation there. He points at the kitchen doors, "I'm just going to go now then..." He turns around and just as he's about to walk away, Johnny stops him. "Wait!" He says, "Let me do it again." _Do what again...? "_ Let me confess to you again." What? Why would he want to do that!? He's already confessed, he doesn't need to go through the trouble and embarrassment of doing something like that again. "You really don't have to do that," Taeil whispers as he turns back around to face Johnny, "Once was good enough."

 

Johnny shakes his head, "The last time I confessed...things didn't go the way I planned. I was so nervous and...look, I want to do it again." Why? Won't he be embarrassed? Isn't he scared that Taeil will reject him again? Isn't he afraid of having his heart broken twice in one day? Johnny holds out a hand, and Taeil stares at it for a long time. "Johnny...you really don't have to do this..." Taeil replies.

 

"I want to," Johnny says softly.

 

Taeil sighs, "Fine, let's go somewhere private," He says, and the reason why he made that suggestion is because he doesn't want the others to know Johnny has feelings for him. Taeil doesn't want anyone to know about his secret, so, he figured Johnny probably doesn't want anyone to know about his own secret either. Johnny grins, "Why? I can just say it here." Here!? In the kitchen? But Jaehyun, Yuta and Taeyong are in here! What if they start to tease Johnny? What if they start to tease both of them? Won't Johnny be embarrassed? Taeil sure will be. "But...everyone will see you.." Taeil whispers, "Won't you be embarrassed if they find out you like me?"

 

"They already know." What?! What does he mean they already know? How could Johnny tell so many people that he has a crush on Taeil? And wait...if everyone knows Johnny has a crush on Taeil then that means Yuta knows, and if Yuta knows how come he didn't go around the bakery telling everyone Johnny's secret the moment he found out about it? How come Taeil, and well, Sicheng too, were the only ones who didn't know Johnny likes Taeil? Nothing makes any sense anymore. "Give me your hand," Johnny whispers, then quickly adds a, "Please?" He's making this a lot more embarrassing for Taeil than it has to be! Why does he have to hold Taeil's hand when he confesses? Can't he just keep things plain and simple and just confess to Taeil without getting too touchy?!

 

Taeil glances back down at Johnny's hand. Everyone's going to see them..."Please?" Johnny asks again with a smile. Taeil slowly extends his hand and when Johnny suddenly reaches out and grabs it, Taeil makes this weird squeaking sound. _This is embarrassing...S_ o, so, so very embarrassing. He's never had anyone do this...He wants to run away and hide. Taeil looks around the room, trying to find some kind of distraction, but he doesn't find anything interesting enough to keep his mind off the fact that he's holding hands with Johnny, again, and that this time he's doing it while there are people around. "Taeil, look at me," Johnny orders. Taeil doesn't want to look at him! How can he look at him when he knows Johnny's going to confess to him for a second time? "Come on, you have to look at me," Johnny chuckles. Why? Why can't he confess while Taeil's looking away? Why does he have to continue to make things difficult for Taeil?

 

 _Just look up and this will all finally be over with_. Taeil locks eyes with Johnny, and Johnny exhales a loud, over the top sigh, "You're so cute." _What the hell are you saying?!_ As soon as Johnny says that stupid, embarrassing sentence Taeil looks back down at the ground. His face feels like it's on fire, and he wants to yank his hand back and cover his face so he can't see Johnny, and so Johnny can't see him either. "Your ears are all red, did you know that?" Johnny teases, "It's cute."

 

And now Taeil wants to cover his ears. He wants to cover his ears and run out of the kitchen and go somewhere where Johnny can't find him. "Stop," Taeil whines, "Just say it already." Say it so Taeil can finally run away like he wants to. "Wait a minute," Johnny says, sighing, "I want to enjoy holding your hand for a little while longer. " Why is he like this?! Has he always been this embarrassing? Has he always been so flirty? God, Taeil doesn't know how much longer he can take this. He's not used to any of this, and it's a miracle that he's managed to stand in front of Johnny and hold his hand for as long as he has. "Let me see your other hand." This is torture. This is pure torture. Wasn't one hand good enough?! Taeil bites his bottom lip, "Hurry...I have to get back to work.." He complains before giving Johnny his other hand.

 

Just when Taeil thinks things can't get any more embarrassing, Yuta gasps from across the room, "Oooh!" He says, laughing, "What do we have here?" Taeil doesn't have to look up to know that everyone's looking at him and Johnny. Embarrassing, this is so embarrassing and Taeyong's going to get the wrong idea...Taeil doesn't know why he let Johnny hold his hands... He could have just said no, it wouldn't have been rude or anything. Now Taeyong's going to think...Gah! Taeil's such a dumba— "Look at me," Johnny orders him once again. Taeil heaves a sigh. Okay, he can probably make eye contact with him for a good two seconds, no problem. Taeil looks up and locks eyes with Johnny again, and god, the fond way that Johnny looks at him makes Taeil feel so... weird. "Taeil, I like you," Johnny announces in a loud, clear voice, and Taeil just knows everyone heard him.

 

There's a long moment of silence and then, then, the others start to clap and cheer, and Taeil's so... He can't stand this. This is way too much, way too freaking much. His face grows hotter and he can't look at Johnny anymore, he can't look at anyone, actually. He just wants to shrink down to the size of ant and slip out of the room without anyone noticing. Taeil tries to pull his hands back, but Johnny holds onto them tightly, "Do you believe me yet?" He asks. _Yes. Yes, I believe you, okay?_! Can he go now? "I like you," Johnny repeats effortlessly, like it's no big deal. "I like you," How many more times is he going to say that?! Taeil gets it, he gets it, he really gets i—

 

Johnny lifts up one of Taeil's hands, "I like you, and only you. Got it?" He asks before he... He.. He..God. He kisses Taeil's hand. Taeil's going to pass out, but not before he screams for the next ten minutes. What is Johnny doing? What is he doing? What the hell is he doing?! Taeil finally gets his hands free, and, and instead of running away like he wants to, he covers his face and becomes completely frozen. His heart is hammering in his chest, and he's so painfully embarrassed. Why is Johnny doing this to him? This isn't funny.

 

Taeil stands there, incredibly flustered, listening to Yuta as he makes loud kissing noises. Yuta's such a child and his playfulness is more than a little annoying at times. Taeil wishes he'd just shut up right now. He's not being funny, he's just being immature and annoying. Yuta's endless teasing isn't the only thing he hears either, Jaehyun and Taeyong won't stop laughing. There's nothing funny about any of this! Why are they laughing? _Stop it_ , Taeil thinks bitterly. Taeyong stops laughing long enough to look over at Johnny and say, "Took you long enough." Right after he says that though he starts to laugh again. Why is this happening to Taeil? What did he do to deserve to be teased and laughed at like this?

 

When Taeil figures he's calmed down enough to uncover his face, he drops his hands down to his sides with a groan. Johnny's staring at him, and he wishes he wouldn't. Hasn't he embarrassed him enough? 'I really like you,' he mouths. "Okay! I get it!" Taeil yells, his voice cracks in the middle of his sentence and that's embarrassing too! Everything is so embarrassing! "You don't have to say it anymore, I get it," Taeil covers his ears before Johnny has a chance to say anything else and quickly leaves the kitchen.


	12. The Staring Contest

Taeil didn't think his heart could beat this fast. What the hell is going on with him?! Huh? Why is his heart racing just because of Johnny's confession? It didn't pound this fast the first time Johnny confessed to him, but then again Johnny didn't kiss his hand the last time he confessed and he didn't continuously give him embarrassing compliments either. Taeil crouches down behind the front counter and clutches the hand that Johnny kissed, "I'm never going back in there!" He tells Sicheng, "Never. I'm never ever, ever, ever going back in there again!"

 

"What happened?" Sicheng asks. God, Taeil doesn't want to tell him what happened to him in the kitchen. It's so painfully embarrassing and he doesn't want to have to relive anything. "That man..." He starts to say but stops talking suddenly. Just thinking about everything Johnny did to him makes his face feel all hot and he just wants to scream at the top of his lungs. He kissed his hand, he really kissed his hand! He didn't have to do that, Taeil already believed him when he said he liked him! God, he kissed him on the hand... Taeil groans, "He's so..." He doesn't finish his sentence, instead he groans loudly before covering his face. Why did Johnny have to go and kiss his hand in front of everyone? Huh?! How is Taeil supposed to function like a normal human being now? "Who are you talking about?" Sicheng asks.

 

"Johnny!"

 

"What about him?"

 

"He...he confessed to me again."

 

"So?"

 

"And then he...he...my hand..." Taeil holds his hand up, "He kissed it..." He whimpers, "He kissed it in front of everyone."

 

"So?"

 

So? So?! Does he not understand how Taeil's feeling right now? Does he not understand that Taeil's never been more embarrassed in his life? "What's the big deal? It was just your hand..." Sicheng mutters. "He kissed it!" Taeil repeats before quickly covering his face. He's not blushing, he's not blushing, he's definitely not blushing. Anyone who thinks Taeil is blushing is wrong. He's not blushing he just has a bad sunburn...Yeah, that's it! "Did you like it when he kissed your hand?" Taeil gasps. ...No. No, no, no! What a ridiculous question! Taeil can't believe his best friend is asking him something like that. Of course he didn't like it when Johnny kissed his hand! Why would he? He isn't interested in Johnny... "No!" Taeil replies, shaking his head quickly.

 

"Then just forget about it and move on with your life," Sicheng says, rolling his eyes. Johnny just...he just...he...he...he kisses Taeil's hand, and Taeil's just supposed to forget it ever happened? How can he do that? He never forgets anything, and he already knows he's going to be thinking about Johnny kissing his hand for the rest of the night. God, that flirt kissed his hand. Taeil just can't get over that. Sicheng bends down next to Taeil, "It's no big deal." Um, yes it is? Taeil's never had anyon— "It would have been better if Taeyong would have kissed your hand instead." If for some reason Taeyong ever kissed Taeil's hand, Taeil would probably scream and then pass out. He'd faint and then wake up one hundred times more embarrassed than he is right now. He doesn't have to worry about that happening though because Taeyong would never like kiss Taeil's hand or anything. In fact, Taeil would be lucky if his hand and Taeyong's hand even brushed against each other.

 

"Just forget about it," Sicheng mutters, rubbing Taeil's back. _How can I just forget about him kissing my hand?_ Sicheng sighs, "By the way...Did you get your letter back?" His letter....his letter...Crap! Taeil actually forgot about his letter! How could he just forget about it that easily? He was up all night worrying about it and he even continued to freak out about it all day while he was working. How did Johnny manage to make Taeil forget about everything within the short amount of time that he was in the kitchen? Taeil groans, "I didn't even think about getting it back," He admits. He has to get that stupid envelope back though and he has to do it before Yuta leaves.

 

He needs to get that letter back no matter what. He can't let Yuta keep it all night, who knows what he'll do with it. Okay, it won't be hard to get that stupid love letter back. Taeil's going to get his letter back and then he won't have to worry about Yuta showing it to anyone, or him reading it out loud in front of a bunch of people, or like him posting a picture of it online. Taeil can muster up some more courage, or at least he hopes he can...All Taeil has to do is be brave just one more time and after that he can spend the rest of his life as a coward.

 

Taeil stands up, "I'm going to go in there right now and get it back," He announces. Sicheng raises an eyebrow, "Oh, really?" He asks. Yes! All Taeil has to do is go back into the kitchen, pull Yuta aside, quietly ask for his letter back and then sneak back out of the kitchen afterwards. He can do that, he can get his letter back and he can do it without drawing any more attention to himself. He can do it. "It'll only take a minute," He tells Sicheng before going back over to the kitchen doors.

 

Taeil pokes his head into the kitchen. He didn't think that everything would calm down so quickly. Really, to be honest he thought that the kitchen would never quiet down and that the others would tease and laugh at Johnny and Taeil for the rest of the night. But, much to Taeil's surprise, the room's almost completely silent. Good, this is good. Everyone's too busy cleaning up the kitchen to pay any attention to him. He doesn't have to worry about anyone realizing that he came back and teasing him, he doesn't. Everything will be fine. He can do this, he can get his letter back.

 

Taeil quietly inhales another deep breath. Okay, he's going inside in three...two...one...Okay, wait! Taeil needs another three seconds. He isn't ready to face Yuta yet, he doesn't know what he's going to say or what he'll do if Yuta starts to tease and torment him. What will he do If Yuta takes things too far? What will he do if Yuta suddenly starts to read his letter out loud or just blurts out that Taeil likes Taeyong in front of everyone in the kitchen? What does Taeil do if Yuta exposes his secret and then tells him to pick between Johnny and Taeyong? Or how is he supposed to respond if Yuta asks Taeil if he came back to see his 'boyfriend' and then starts making fun of both him and Johnny again?

 

Johnny isn't Taeil's boyfriend though...all he did was confess to him, and just because he confessed doesn't mean he and Taeil automatically became boyfriends. Speaking of which, Taeil didn't give a proper response to Johnny's confession this time. Last time he told Johnny that he didn't like him and never would. This time...he blushed and just ran away after Johnny told him he liked him. That wasn't a real answer and everyone is going to start getting the wrong idea if Taeil doesn't say something.

 

  
Okay, after Taeil gets his letter back from Yuta, he's going to pull Johnny aside and let him down as gently as possible. Taeil glances over at Johnny and heaves a small sigh. He's going to go home feeling miserable after all, isn't he? He is, but there's nothing Taeil can do. He can't just leave things alone, if he doesn't tell Johnny he isn't interested in him, Johnny will continue to pointlessly pursue him. And, really, what's the point in chasing after someone who already likes someone else? If Johnny continues to like Taeil, he'll eventually end up hurt...and...and Taeil doesn't want to see him hurt.

 

Really, Johnny's one of the nicest people Taeil knows, and now that he thinks about it, he doesn't know why he thought Johnny would do something awful like pretend to like him in the first place. He wouldn't do something like that to Taeil, even if Mark begged him to do it, Johnny probably wouldn't go along with a mean prank like that. Taeil was a fool for jumping to conclusions, not only was he a fool but he was also a giant jerk to Johnny and he still feels bad about everything he said to him earlier this morning. He thought he'd feel better after apologizing but he doesn't. He made one stupid, little mistake and now he can't forget about it. Taeil keeps thinking about the first time Johnny confessed to him, and how his reaction to everything was horrible. Every single word he said to Johnny after he confessed to him was filled with nothing but bitterness, and he hates himself for not keeping cool. There's a million different ways he could have reacted but he chose to lash out at Johnny. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why is he like this?

 

Why didn't he just walk away without saying a word? Or why didn't he say something like, "Aw, you're really nice but...I like someone else right now and i think it would be wrong to start seeing you when i can't even get over a stupid crus—" Never mind, there's no way he could say something like that. But he should have said something, anything, that wasn't "I don't like you and I never will." He can still picture that heartbroken expression Johnny had on his face after he said those insensitive words to him. Man, he really hurt him, and there's no way his lame apology could have made him feel better. Even if Johnny has a giant grin on his face, he's probably thinking about everything Taeil said and did this morning and he has to still be hurting.

 

Taeil's turning into a big jerk, first he yelled at Sicheng last night and then this morning he was so mean to Johnny, and who knows whose feelings he'll hurt next! He's a big, dumb, jerk. Why does Johnny still even like him? Really? After everything Taeil said, he really still likes him? Why? Johnny should hate him and right about now he should be telling himself that he can do better, that he doesn't need Taeil, and that he can get someone twenty times better than Taeil. And, he wouldn't be wrong for thinking that either. Johnny's kind to everyone he meets and he's hilarious too, like he tells the best jokes and stories. He's also charming, like, really charming. Taeil isn't the best at describing things, but he'd say there's something about Johnny that draws people to him, Taeil isn't too sure if it's Johhny's goofy personality or his warm smile and his friendliness that attracts so many people but he knows that the more time they spend with him the more these people like him. He's a human magnet and it wouldn't take him long to find someone better suited for him than Taeil is.

 

  
And even if Johnny wasn't as incredibly entertaining and charismatic as he is now, he'd still be a very attractive guy, one who countless people would chase after. And Taeyong isn't the only one who's out of Taeil's league, Johnny is too. He could do so much better than Taeil, really. He should get over his little crush on Taeil and go find someone as amazing and handsome as he is to be with. That's what's best for everyone, right?....Right? Johnny should just give up on Taeil so he doesn't end up disappointed and heartbroken.

 

Taeil isn't sure how long he just stood there in the middle of the kitchen, deep in thought, but when he returns to reality at long last he quickly notices that Johnny's staring at him. He's doing it again...He's staring at Taeil even though there's nothing about him that's worth staring at. They lock eyes for the smallest second and afterwards Johnny's entire face brightens and he grins. He looks so much happier than he did earlier...Taeil can't just ruin his day twice. He'll tell him he isn't interested in him tomorrow or something...Yeah, that sounds like a plan.

 

Okay, back to Yuta. Taeil's going to go up to him and ask for his letter back in three...two...Taeil stops his little countdown once he sees something, no, someone move out of the corner of his eye. He quickly turns his head. Johnny's walking towards him, and Taeil's heart is acting up again. It's racing just like it was earlier after Johnny confessed to him, it shouldn't be though. Why is his heart doing this to him? Did it forget that he likes Taeyong and not Johnny? "Taeil," Johnny calls out. Taeil doesn't even want to know what Johnny has to say, knowing him he'll say something that'll make Taeil all embarrassed and want to run away again. Taeil can't run away and hide this time though, he has to go speak to Yuta and the sooner he does that, the sooner he can get his letter back and toss it down a bottomless pit. Taeil tells himself repeatedly that he won't run away no matter what happens, but the closer Johnny gets, the faster Taeil's heart seems to beat, and his brain starts screaming at him, ordering him to get out of the kitchen before he ends up a blushing idiot again, but he stays where he is instead of fleeing.

  
Once Johnny's in front of Taeil, he completely invades his personal space. He's standing so close to Taeil, so freaking close, and Taeil just knows Johnny's going to try and tease him some more. He can just feel it. Whatever though, it doesn't matter what Johnny says. He can give him a bunch of compliments and ask him all the flirty questions he wants, it doesn't matter. Taeil's staying in the kitchen and getting his letter back!

 

Johnny leans forward slowly, and Taeil's breath catches in his throat. He doesn't want to go jumping to conclusions again because the last time he did that his instincts turned out to be wrong...but how can he not jump to conclusions right now when it looks like....like...Johnny's going to kiss him?! Taeil swallows hard. He's trying his best to ignore everything, his annoying heartbeat, his burning face, how close Johnny is, everything. He wants to get control over his emotions and pretend like he doesn't care how close Johnny's getting to him, but he can't seem to do that. Taeil should just step around Johnny and go talk to Yuta, but instead of doing that, he locks eyes with Johnny, watching him as he comes closer and closer until he finally stops.

 

Taeil's instincts were wrong again. Johnny's not going to kiss him, why would he kiss him anyways? He's close but he's not close enough to kiss him. Well...okay, he could always just swoop down and kiss h— never mind. Taeil's not going to think about something silly like that. He waits for Johnny to do something or say something, but he doesn't do anything. He stays completely motionless as he gazes at Taeil. Taeil keeps trying to figure out what he's going to do next, he figures Johnny's going to flirt with him, or try to touch him in some way, or release an over dramatic sigh and say Taeil's like beautiful or gorgeous or something. Johnny doesn't do any of that stuff though, he only stares into Taeil's eyes. Just staring at him is the worst thing he could do, Taeil starts to feel self conscious, like there's something wrong with his face or hair and he just wants to run to the bathroom and look in the mirror to make sure he doesn't look like some hideous swamp monster. At the same time though, he doesn't want to move from where he's standing, he wants to stay put and ask Johnny what the hell he's staring at.

 

Taeil looks up at the white ceiling, "Why are you just staring at me?" He asks in a tiny voice before locking eyes with Johnny again. At first it seems like Johnny doesn't intend on answering his question, but after a short moment of silence Johnny breaks eye contact with Taeil and looks him up and down, "How can i not stare at someone as gorgeous as you?" God. There he goes again, Taeil knew he would eventually say something embarrassing. "Plus, you were staring at me first," Johnny whispers softly. Taeil quickly looks away from Johnny after he says that. Staring? At him? Taeil wasn't staring at him! He looked at him for like three seconds, that's not staring!

 

Taeil wasn't staring at him! He wasn't! Johnny's just blowing things out of proportion. Taeil looked at him for like five seconds... And that's it and after that he wasn't looking at anything in particular. Really! He really wasn't staring at him! "I wasn't staring at you," Taeil insists.

 

"You were."

 

"I wasn't!"

 

"I saw you!" Johnny replies. He saw wrong! He thinks Taeil was gazing at him from afar but he wasn't! "I was looking at you for like ten seconds," Taeil says, frowning, "How is that staring?!"

 

"You looked at me for more than ten seconds!" That's not true! Why would Taeil stare at Johnny? He doesn't even like him like that. He likes Taeyong. Taeyong, Taeyong, Taeyong, not Johnny! "You don't have to be embarrassed or anything, i look at you all the time," Johnny says, grinning. How can Johnny just say something like that to the man he likes?! Can he not feel embarrassment? Why is he so shameless and flirty?

  
Taeil raises a finger, "I..." He pauses for a quick second to rub his stinging cheeks, "I...." He repeats, trying once again to get a full sentence out of his mouth. It's no use though, Taeil can't get the words he wants to say out. "You were staring at me," Johnny says, smirking. Taeil hates the smug expression on Johnny's face right now, he looks so arrogant, and if Taeil were better with words he would definitely say something that would wipe that smirk off his face. "Admit it," Johnny orders, and Taeil scoffs. Admit what?! What's there to admit? He wasn't staring at him! Really, where's Johnny's proof?

 

You know what? Forget this! Taeil's done talking to this guy! He shouldn't have to explain himself, it's not like he did something wrong. So, he was watching Johnny for a few seconds, what's the big deal? "I'm getting out of here..." Taeil mumbles. He spins around on his heels and less then a second later, he turns back around and faces Johnny again, "I wasn't staring at you," He repeats one last time. And that's supposed to be the end of this dumb little conversation of theirs, only it doesn't end there. "You were though!" Johnny insists, "You wouldn't stop staring at me and..and.." He whines before hiding his face from Taeil. He's mocking Taeil, isn't he?! He is! He's definitely making fun of him! Johnny uncovers his face and sighs, "And honestly I couldn't help but blush." Taeil's done. He's so done, he's never heard something so ridiculous in his life. Taeil made Johnny blush? How is that even possible? "You're so cool," Johnny says with another sigh. Does he even understand what he's saying? Taeil's about as cool as a summer day! "Seriously, my heart started beating so fast when I saw you staring at me." Taeil groans softly, "I wasn't...Fine, whatever. Think whatever you want," he mutters before turning around and rushing out of the kitchen.

 

As soon as Taeil sees Sicheng he wants to tell him everything. He wants to tell him about all those embarrassing things Johnny keeps saying to him. And..and...He wants to tell Sicheng that Johnny got really close to him and wouldn't stop staring at him for a long time, and that once he finally quit staring at him, he shamelessly checked him out. He also wants to tell him about how Johnny had the nerve to insist that Taeil was staring at him when he really wasn't! But he doesn't get the chance to complain like a little kid like he wants to. As soon as he's out of the kitchen, Sicheng approaches him with a very hopeful look on his face," So...Did you get it back?!" He asks.

 

 _Shit_.

 


	13. Bitterness

Taeil shakes his head, "No...No, i didn't get it back," He mutters, lowering his head. He definitely would have gotten it back though if Johnny wouldn't have shown up and distracted him... Really! He was more than ready to confront Yuta, but then Johnny stopped him before he could talk to him. This is all Johnny's fault! Sicheng groans, "Why not?" He asks.

 

"Because..."

 

"Because?" Sicheng repeats, urging him to continue.

 

Taeil sighs, "Because...he looked really busy and I didn't want to disturb him..." He's lying to Sicheng again. He doesn't know why he keeps lying to him, he really could have just blamed everything on Johnny... But he decided to use some other lame excuse instead. Don't ask him why he did it because he really doesn't have a reasonable explanation for his actions. "Oh," Sicheng replies, sounding unconvinced.

 

"I'm going to get it back just as soon as work's over with!" Taeil says, "Really, I'm not going to let him take it home or anything."

 

  
Okay, new plan...Taeil's just going to wait until everyone leaves the kitchen before he goes in there and asks Yuta for his letter back. Yeah, yeah, that's a brilliant plan, it's much better than the plan he came up with just a few minutes ago.

 

  
As the minutes tick by, Taeil tries to predict what'll happen when he goes into the kitchen and tells Yuta he wants his letter back. Yuta's definitely going to ask him if he likes Taeyong, Taeil already knows that much. He'll ask that, or he'll ask Taeil who he likes more: Johnny or Taeyong. Obviously he likes Taeyong a lot more than he likes Johnny, but Taeil can't tell Yuta that. No, no, he could never do that. And once Yuta asks him if he likes Taeyong, Taeil's going to have to stay absolutely calm and lie through his teeth. Once Yuta asks Taeil if he likes Taeyong, Taeil can't hesitate, he has to give Yuta a good excuse or Yuta will never believe him, and he'll make sure everyone knows about the letter that Taeil wrote. What can he say though...?

 

Ah! Taeil could say Mark or Sicheng dared him to write Taeyong a love letter. No...that's a crappy excuse and plus he'd need to give Yuta a reason why Mark and Sicheng dared him to do something so childish in the first place. Okay...then he could just say he was messing around and that he was going to give Taeyong a love letter as a joke. No! Never mind. That's horrible, just horrible, and if word gets out that he wrote Taeyong a love letter as a joke everyone will think Taeil's a dick, and Taeyong will hate him.

 

 _Okay, think...There has to be something I can tell him._ Taeil could always lie and say he wrote that letter for some other guy named Taeyong and that he was going to give him the letter after work, so he brought it to the bakery with him. Hey! That's actually a pretty good excuse! Yuta will definitely believe him if he goes with that lie.

 

Sicheng taps Taeil's shoulder, "Hey, I'm thinking about asking Jaehyun and Taeyong to the movies, you wanna come?" He asks, grinning. No! Taeil's had enough of Sicheng's schemes for one day. And if he goes to the movies, Sicheng's probably going to find a way to make sure that Taeil and Taeyong end up all alone together, and Taeil's poor heart has already been through enough today. He doesn't think he can be all alone with Taeyong again. No, he knows that he can't end up alone with Taeyong, if he does, he's going to end up making a gigantic fool out of himself. "No," Taeil replies. Sicheng pouts, "Why not?"

 

"I'm exhausted."

 

"Okay, then how about we go tomorrow?" Sicheng suggests and not even a minute after he makes that suggestion, Jaehyun and Taeyong come out of the kitchen. Taeil looks at the two of them for a good two seconds before quickly dropping his gaze down to the ground. An awful emotion that he's not too used to fills his body. It's something like bitterness or maybe it's jealousy, or maybe it's a mixture of both, he doesn't know. All he knows is right now he hates Jaehyun more than anything, he hasn't even done anything to him, in fact, he's been nothing but kind to Taeil since he started working at the bakery. Still...Taeil feels irritated by Jaehyun's entire existence and he wishes he'd just go away forever. Wait, no he doesn't.

 

No, yes he does.

 

Taeil knew Jaehyun liked Taeyong and he also knew that Taeyong and Jaehyun were pretty close to begin with, but he's still so shocked to see them clinging on to each other, laughing and looking like they've found their other half. They look so perfect together. Taeil could never be that close to Taeyong. He could never be brave like Jaehyun or just like him in general.

 

Jaehyun only has an arm around Taeyong's shoulder, but Taeil still hates him for being able to touch Taeyong even in the simplest of ways. Taeil can't just put his arm around Taeyong, he can't even pat him on the back, but Jaehyun can and that's not all he can do, he can also hold Taeyong's hand and hug him, and soon Jaehyun will even be able to kiss him. Taeil can't make Taeyong smile or laugh or even giggle a little bit, but Jaehyun can, and he gets to see Taeyong's beautiful smile several times a day. You know what else Taeil can't do? Taeil can't ask Taeyong out to breakfast, brunch, lunch, dinner, or even out for a cup of coffee, Jaehyun sure can though. He can do so much with Taeyong and he pretty much spends the entire day with him, and that's why he's winning Taeyong's heart.

 

Why can't Jaehyun be a coward just like Taeil is, huh? Why can't Jaehyun be too afraid to talk to Taeyong or even approach him just like Taeil is? Why? Why was Jaehyun born with incredibly good looks and the ability to talk to anyone he chooses without stuttering, or mumbling, or speaking way too fast?! Or better yet, why can't Taeil gain a little bit of courage and tell Taeyong how he feels about him? Why can't he fight for the man he lov— Forget it. Taeil's heart is starting to ache again, and if he didn't actually need that dumb thing to live he'd probably rip it out of his chest right now.

 

  
This is the last straw, really, Taeil knows Jaehyun's going to confess to Taeyong any day now and he wants to get over Taeyong fast so he doesn't have to suffer. Seriously, Taeil's so afraid of having his heart broken again that it isn't funny. 'I'm done with him.' He mouths to Sicheng and he hopes he understands what he's trying to say.

 

Sicheng frowns, 'Liar.' He mouths back before putting on a happy face, "Hey, Jaehyun, do you wanna go see a movie with me?!" He asks as he leaves Taeil's side. Wasn't he going to ask both Taeyong and Jaehyun to the movies...? And didn't Sicheng say he hates Jaehyun? If he hates him so much why is he asking him to the movies? "Um...actually Taeyong and I are going out to dinner," Taeil hears Jaehyun reply as the three of them walk out the door. They're having dinner again? Again? Really? But...They just had dinner together last night. Whatever...Taeil doesn't care. He's done caring about Taeyong, and he's done having these stupid, pointless crushes.

 

Taeil's tired. He's so tired of liking all the wrong people and he's definitely tired of having his heart ripped into pieces. He's never even in any relationships and yet somehow he always ends up liking someone so much it hurts, and then that person goes and crushes Taeil's poor little heart into tiny pieces, and Taeil's tired of it! How can a person who's always single end up with a broken heart so often? It's ridiculous if you ask Taeil. Taeil's giving up, he could care less about dating and finding his soulmate, really!

 

  
Taeil must be destined to be single for the rest of his life, why else would he have such crappy luck when it comes to love? Whatever! He doesn't care anymore, really! He doesn't care if he never finds his soulmate or if he never settles down with anyone or whatever. He has friends and family to make life a little less lonely. He'll be fine. He's not going to try to go against fate anymore. Nope.

 

Taeil heaves a loud sigh as he drums his fingers against the front counter. He's starting to get all upset again, how annoying. Why can't he control his emotions better? Why can't he just say he's going to be happy and then be happy? He glances back at the kitchen doors and afterwards sighs again. Johnny still hasn't left the kitchen, neither has Yuta, and Taeil doesn't have the slightest clue what's taking them so long. Screw it, Taeil should just go in there and ask Yuta to step outside with him for a minute. He's tired of waiting, he just wants to get his letter back and then go home and go to sleep...Taeil takes a deep breath, _okay, let's just get this over with so I can finally go home!_ He thinks.

 

Taeil has a question: How does he purchase some more courage? Because he could use some more of it right about now...It's funny. No, actually it isn't funny at all. It's horrifying how quickly Taeil's courage can leave him, it really is! Right when he's about to push one of the kitchen doors open, guess who he sees! Guess! That's right, he sees Johnny through one of the windows on the doors, heading his way. Taeil's brain is screaming at him once again. It's ordering him to run away and go hide in the bathroom, but he can't do that, he can't run away and risk missing his chance to get his letter back from Yuta.

 

Why is it that every time Johnny sees Taeil now he makes it his mission to make him feel all flustered? "Hi, Cutie," Johnny says the second he steps out of the kitchen. Cutie? Who's cute? Taeil's not even slightly cute and he wants to tell Johnny that but he knows it's pointless. If Taeil says he isn't cute then Johnny will just stubbornly insist that he is just like how he stubbornly insisted that Taeil was good looking earlier. Taeil glances down at the ground, "Hey..." He mutters. His cheeks feel all hot again and he hopes he isn't actually blushing because the last thing he wants is for Johnny to start teasing him. "Were you waiting for me?" Was Taeil waiting for Johnny? Pft, no way! Well, actually...in a way maybe he was. He was waiting for Johnny to come out of the kitchen after all...but it's not like he was waiting on him because he wanted to see him or anything.

 

Taeil scoffs, "Why would I be waiting for you?" He asks.

 

"Hmm...because you wanted to see me one last time before you left?"

 

"Why would I want to see you?!" Wait. Was that mean? Taeil didn't ask the question in a harsh tone or anything but he still feels like he might have said something mean unintentionally. He looks up to make sure Johnny doesn't have a sad or pained expression on his face. He doesn't. In fact, Johnny's grinning at him, "Because you haven't seen me in such a long time and you missed me?" He asks, and that grin of his only gets wider. Oh, boy. This guy really is something else. They haven't even been away from each for an hour, how could Taeil miss him when he just saw him like twenty minutes ago? Taeil rolls his eyes but afterwards...Afterwards he starts to smile a little, "I didn't miss you. Sorry."

 

Johnny gasps loudly, and Taeil's starting to realize that whatever this guy does, he does over dramatically. "You didn't even miss me a little bit?" Johnny asks.

 

"Nope!"

 

Johnny exhales another one of those over dramatic sighs of his, "But I missed you so much!" He puts both his hands over his chest, "Really, I missed you so much it hurt." _Flirt_. What is Johnny even saying right now? Again, they weren't even separated for that long. Even if they were, he does realize that they were only a room apart from each other and that he could have seen Taeil at any time, right?

 

  
Honestly though...The only people who've told Taeil they've missed him are his parents, and right now....Maybe, just maybe, Taeil feels a little happy. Just a little though. It's kind of nice to hear someone say that to him. Taeyong would never tell Taeil he missed him... "You really didn't miss me?" Johnny asks once again with a pout, "Not even a little bit?"

 

Taeil's lips start to curl up into a smile again, "I'm not going to answer that," He says, "Now move...I have to go talk to Yuta." Johnny shakes his head, "Nope," He says, blocking Taeil's way. That's exactly what Taeil thought he'd do too. Johnny messes around too much, and Taeil doesn't have time for this. He shouldn't be playing around with Johnny, he should be in the kitchen trying to get his letter back like planned!

 

Taeil steps to the right, and Johnny blocks his path again. He steps to the left and the results are the same. Johnny quickly moves over to the left to block him. Taeil tries his best to fight back the smile that's forming on his lips, but he still somehow ends up grinning, "Johnny, come on I really have to talk to Yuta."

 

"But I want to talk to you for a little longer." Johnny whines. Taeyong would never say something like that to him... He'd never want Taeil to stay around and talk to him for a little longer... He probably thinks Taeil's boring and weird, and whenever they talk Taeyong probably can't wait for the conversation to end and for Taeil to go away. Taeil sighs, "We can talk all you want tomorrow," He says, and he doesn't expect Johnny's eyes to light up and widen. He doesn't expect Johnny to grab his hands either, but he's not angry, or uncomfortable, or even really flustered by the act. "Really?!" Johnny asks and his voice is filled with nothing but excitement and pure joy. He's not...he's not actually looking forward to talking to Taeil, is he? Taeyong would never be this excited just to talk to Taeil. God, why does Taeil even like that man? He's really tired of liking him right now, and he wishes he didn't like someone who barely pays any attention to him. Johnny sticks out his pinky, "Promise?" _Cute_. Taeil smiles as he holds out his own pinky, "I promise," He says, softly.

 

Taeil figures there's going to be more to their conversation. He figures Johnny's going to compliment him some more, or say something flirtatious and over exaggerated, but instead Johnny gives him a shy smile and looks away from him afterwards, "I...I..." He stops talking and that little grin of his grows wider. Once again, Taeil can't help but think, _Cute_. Johnny's still holding one of Taeil's hands, and Taeil still doesn't mind holding his hand right now. It feels...actually nice for once. His night has taken such a bad turn and right now he just wants... He doesn't know what he wants, but what he does know though is that he's starting to like all the attention Johnny's giving him. Taeil's had such a lonely life... Johnny gives his hand a small squeeze, "I'll see you tomorrow, Taeil," He says, and Taeil nods, "See you tomorrow."

 

Taeil watches Johnny as he walks out the front door. He's confused, so very confused. He's finding it awfully difficult to figure out what he wants. He was more than ready to give up on this love crap a few minutes ago, but then Johnny showed up, and the way he treats Taeil is embarrassing at times but...he likes it. He'd never admit it out loud, but he definitely likes it. He likes feeling wanted and he likes the attention Johnny gives him. But...Taeil still likes Taeyong a lot. He hates that he still likes him, but that's the way things are. And Taeil can't be with Johnny if he's still so in...in love with Taeyong, it'll only cause problems. And just in general he feels like he won't be able to do anything with Johnny without feeling like he's just using Johnny to get over Taeyong or like he's using him as a distraction. He feels like if he hangs around Johnny too much one of them is going to end up heartbroken, and, God, Taeil can't take another person smashing his heart Into pieces. He also hates the idea of hurting Johnny again. So...So, Taeil's just going to put an end to things before they can even begin. Tomorrow he's definitely going to tell Johnny that he just wants to be friends with him.

 

Oh, but if he does that Johnny won't be as affectionate as he is now, or maybe he'll stop being affectionate towards Taeil all together...and then, Taeil will never get to experience the feeling of being wanted and appreciated ever again, and he'll have to go back to living a life where nobody pays him any attention. Taeil hates this. He's tired. He doesn't want to think about anything anymore, he just wants to get his dumb love letter to Taeyong back.

 

Taeil folds his arms across his chest and sighs as he walks into the kitchen. He waited for Yuta for more than twenty minutes, thinking that Yuta was still busy cleaning up the kitchen. And maybe he was busy twenty minutes ago, but when Taeil walks into the kitchen, Yuta's leaning against the counter and the only thing he's doing is playing on his phone. Taeil's trying his hardest not to get agitated again, but it's hard not to get annoyed by every little thing when he's had such a crappy day. "Umm...Yuta," Taeil calls out as he approaches him. Yuta doesn't even bother looking up from his phone, and even something as small as that bothers Taeil. "Yuta," He calls again, but Yuta still doesn't respond to him calling his name. "About that letter you found earlier...." Taeil says, slowly, trying to find the right words to say. He can't just say, "Give me my letter back, you little brat." No, that's impolite and that's not how you ask for things. Taeil still wants to say it though. "Can I have it back?" He asks. Now that he thinks about it, why does he even has to ask for his letter back in the first place? It is his after all.

 

Yuta finally puts his phone away and as soon as he does he gets this mischievous look in his eyes. "Do you like Taeyong?" He asks, grinning, "You seem to like him a lot. I mean, you did write him that cute little letter after all." _Stay calm, stay calm, just stay calm. Don't let him get to you_. "Your letter was so sweet I just have to read it one more time before I give it back." Yuta pulls a crumpled up piece of paper out of his pocket, "Let's see..." He says before clearing his throat, "Dear Taeyong, I'm not very good with words, but I wanted to do something special for you. I've been dying to tell you how I feel about you for months now..." Yuta cringes, "It's already gross and i just started reading it." Taeil didn't expect him to do this. He didn't expect Yuta to pull his letter out, read it, and then give his unwanted opinion about the letter every few sentences. He should have seen this coming though.

 

Taeil closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. _Don't get upset,_ he tells himself. _Don't_. Taeil opens his eyes and after he does so, he ends up glaring at Yuta." I want to tell you how I feel before another person comes and swoops you off of your feet and makes it impossible for me to tell you how I really feel!" Yuta stops reading Taeil's letter and clicks his tongue over and over again, "You're a little too late. Jaehyun's going to confess to him tonight. Did you know that?" Yuta asks, "You probably didn't." He laughs.

 

Okay, Taeil can't take this anymore. He needs to get that letter back and he needs to do it fast so he can get out of the kitchen. He doesn't want to stay in here anymore, and the more he talks to Yuta the worse he feels. He keeps telling himself to calm down, but once again he finds that doing that doesn't help him in the slightest. Taeil wants to do a wide variety of things, he wants to scream, he kind of wants to break something expensive in the kitchen, or punch Yuta in the face, just once though, just once. Okay, maybe he wants to do it two or three times. He wants to just give up on everything and go home, and never leave his house again.

 

Also, he wants to go find Johnny because he just wants the sadness and bitterness and humiliation he's feeling to go away. He wants those nice feelings he had earlier while Johnny was around to come back and he wants something to distract him from the fact that Jaehyun's going to confess to the man of Taeil's dreams. Taeyong and Jaehyun really are going to become a couple tonight, aren't they? They are, and Taeil needs something...no, someone to keep his mind off that very fact too or else he'll spend another night miserable. Most of all, Taeil just wants to crawl into bed, throw the blankets over his head, and cry. His heart hurts so much right now and he's just so angry, sad, and humiliated. "That letter's for a different Taeyong," He says, voice cracking slightly. _Don't cry. Don't fucking cry._ Yuta rolls his eyes, "Really now?"

 

Taeil balls up his fists. Why can't Yuta just believe him? Why does he have to make things even more difficult for Taeil? Taeil's already had a horrible day, he doesn't need this. "Yes, i like a guy named Taeyong, but it's not the one we work with," Taeil lies, "I only brought that letter to work because I plan on meeting up with him later and giving it to him."

 

Yuta scoffs, "Really?"

 

"Yes, can I have my letter back now?" Taeil asks, holding out his hand. If he doesn't hand over that letter in five seconds Taeil swears he's going t— Yuta clicks his tongue again, "Wait a minute, I have a few more things I want to ask you." Why does Taeil have to be interrogated like some criminal just so he can get a stupid piece of paper back?!

 


	14. Lies

Taeil doesn't want to be stuck here all night answering a bunch of pointless questions. He wants to go home, that's all. He just wants to go home, go to sleep, and forget all about the crappy day he's had. Is that too much to ask for?

 

Yuta taps a finger against his chin, "Hmm," He mutters as he thinks of what he wants to ask. "What does this other Taeyong look like?" Why does Yuta want to know what Taeil's imaginary crush looks like?! Is he going to search for him or something? Why though?! Why does he have to make sure this other Taeyong actually exists? Why can't he just believe Taeil so they can both move on with their lives?

  
Man, Taeil really doesn't want to make up some imaginary Taeyong on the spot, he's not exactly the most creative person in the world. _Here goes nothing_ , Taeil thinks as he forces a smile onto his face, "He's tall with black hair and brown eyes." He replies. That was such a lame description of the guy he claims he likes, and Taeil knows it, but that was the best he could come up with on the spot. Taeil sticks his hand out again, "Can I have my letter back now? I really have to get going."

 

Yuta ignores him, and instead of giving Taeil his letter back, he continues to question him further, "How old is he?" Why does Yuta care? He's never shown any interests in Taeil or his love life before, so why is he so curious about everything now? It doesn't make sense if you ask Taeil. Whatever. Taeil's not going to do this. He's not going to stand here all night, making up some imaginary guy just to please Yuta. He's not. Really, he could be doing better things like catching up on some much needed sleep, even though it's only like 5:30. Taeil sighs, "Yuta, I really have to go. Give it back."

 

"How old is he?" Yuta repeats.

 

"Twenty-four..."

 

"Uh huh, and what's his last name?" Yuta asks.

 

Taeil groans loudly, "Why do you want to know his last name?!"

 

"I just want to know about this other Taeyong, that's all. So, what's his last name?"

 

Honestly Taeil doesn't know what to say. There has to be thousands, maybe even millions of last names out there in the world. All he has to do is pick one, even if it's super common or sounds totally made up, all he has to do is pick any last name he wants and everything will be okay. "It's... Moon..." Taeil replies lamely. Okay, maybe Taeil should have chosen a different last name...perhaps one that wasn't his own? Man... Yuta's never going to believe him now.

 

Yuta stares at him with a blank expression. See?! Taeil knew Yuta wasn't going to believe his little lie. He knew it! "Moon Taeyong?" Yuta asks before rolling his eyes at Taeil once again, and you know what? Taeil's getting real tired of him doing that. "Really? Moon Taeyong? Really, Taeil?" Yuta asks in a flat voice. Hey, there are lots of people out there in the world who share a last name! There definitely could be a guy out there named Moon Taeyong...Right? Right...? "Yes, his name is Moon Taeyong. Why's that so hard to believe? " Taeil sighs, " Yuta, please just give me my letter back. I have to go."

 

Yuta clicks his tongue, "You know what...?" He says, frowning, "I think you're lying to me." Nooo. He thinks Taeil is lying to him?! Nooo! Never! Taeil would never do that. Why would he lie to Yuta when Yuta's such a nice, trustworthy guy? Taeil heaves another long sigh, "I'm not lying to you, okay? Can i have my letter back now? I really need to go."

 

Yuta still doesn't hand over Taeil's letter even after Taeil's said he has to go for like the hundredth time, of course he doesn't. Instead of ending their conversation and giving Taeil his letter back, Yuta asks yet another question, " So where'd you met him?" Taeil's really starting to get frustrated. Seriously, why does he have to answer so many questions? Why won't Yuta just give him his letter back? It is Taeil's letter after all, isn't it? Why does he have to go through all this to get back something that already belongs to him? "Okay, listen. This is the last question I'm going to answer, okay?" Taeil scowls, "After this, you have to give me my letter back, okay? I need to go." Yuta doesn't respond, but you know what? Taeil doesn't care. He's not going to beg Yuta to agree with him. "I met him at the place he works at, okay?" Taeil holds out his hand, "Now, give me back my letter."

 

A small moment where neither of them say anything goes by and afterwards, Yuta just has to go and ask yet another question, "Where does he work?" Didn't he hear Taeil? Taeil said he wasn't going to answer more questions! "Yuta, give it back," Taeil orders, trying to sound as stern as possible.

 

"Where does he work?"

 

"Yuta, seriously, just give me my letter back. I have to go!"

 

"Answer my question first."

 

Taeil clicks his tongue, "He works at a restaurant! Alright?!" He replies, raising his voice slightly. _Okay, calm down. You can't let him get to you. Just calm down, he said he'd give the letter back after that question, there's no reason to get upset._ "A restaurant, huh?" Yuta mutters, "What restaurant?" Taeil's not going to answer that. He's not. He's done talking to this man. He really is, this is getting him nowhere. "Yuta, give me my letter back!" Taeil orders once again.

 

"What restaurant does he work at?"

 

"Oh, my god!" Taeil yells, "You're so annoying. Just give me my letter back!" Taeil can't do this anymore. He feels like he's going to break down and cry again, and not because he's upset and heartbroken, but because he's just so unbelievably frustrated. Why is he having such a hard time getting a stupid piece of paper back?!

 

Yuta's eyes go wide, "I'm annoying?" He asks, pointing to himself. Yes! Yes! He's so annoying and just so hard to deal with in general, and Taeil doesn't understand why Yuta's so shocked right now. Taeil couldn't possibly be the first person to have ever called Yuta annoying to his face, there's no way he could be. Yuta's probably had a bunch of people call him annoying before, he probably just didn't care what those other people thought of him. Yeah, that's it, Yuta must be aware that he's irritating, but he probably just doesn't care. Yeah, that's it. "Wow...rude," Yuta mutters. Rude? Rude?! Yuta was the one who was being a big jerk to Taeil, but Taeil's the rude one?! How?!

 

Yuta looks down at the ground and sighs, "Just, wow..." He says in a small voice, "I wanted to ask you a couple of questions...You didn't have to be so harsh..." Was Taeil being harsh? No, seriously, did he get upset and lash out for no reason again...? Was Yuta really just asking all those questions because he really was curious about the guy Taeil likes? "I didn't mean to annoy you or anything, i just wanted to know about that Taeyong guy you like..." Yuta mutters, "Sorry for being so annoying..." he apologizes. Taeil really was the one who was being a jerk? Again? Seriously?

 

Why does Taeil keep doing this? Why does he keep getting angry and lashing out at people for no good reason? If he keeps acting like this everyone will hate him and start distancing themselves from Taeil, and obviously Taeil doesn't want that. Taeil lowers his head, "I..." he whispers, "I'm sorry..." Seriously, he's really sorry. He hates that he keeps getting irritated and losing his cool, really. He's been acting like a huge jerk, and there's just no excuse for it.

 

Yuta puts a hand on Taeil's shoulder, "I'm sorry too. I should have just given you your letter back instead of annoying you with all my dumb questions," he holds out Taeil's crumpled letter, "Here, i should have given it back sooner. I'm really sorry." Taeil's such a jerk, and he swears he's going to be more careful from now on. He's not going to snap at just any one anymore. He's going to try to be a better person, and he's also going to try and get a better grip on his emotions too. "Thank you so much," Taeil whispers.

 

Taeil's going to get his letter back at long last, and honestly he can't believe it. This all seems too good to be true if you ask him. He's really going to get it back!? Really?! This isn't a trick, right? Yuta's really going to return Taeil's letter to him? Really?! Wow...Taeil feels so... He feels happy and excited, and his eyes are starting to water again because he thought he'd never get that dumb letter back. And he just can't believe something good is going to happen to him for once.

 

Taeil hasn't had his letter since this morning and he was seriously starting to think he'd never get it back. He thought that Taeyong would end up seeing it and that everyone else he worked with would see his letter too, and he was so worried, but that didn't happen! The only one who saw it was Yuta and maybe...just maybe he can really trick Yuta into believing that he likes a different Taeyong and not the one they work with so Yuta won't go and run his mouth to their co-workers.

 

Wow, Taeil's about to get his letter back and once he gets it back he's going to make sure he doesn't lose it again. No, actually, he's going to make sure no one else is ever able to see his embarrassing letter to Taeyong again. Once Taeil gets home he's going to find the sharpest pair of scissors in his apartment and make that little letter of his regret causing all this trouble. He can't risk losing his letter again and getting all stressed out like he did today.

 

Just as Taeil's fingertips brush against his letter, Yuta yanks it away from him and laughs, "Wait a second! I just got an idea," He says, grinning, "Since this letter is for a different Taeyong, you wouldn't mind if I show our Taeyong it, right?" Yuta asks.

 


	15. Actually, I like...

  
You know that amazing happy feeling that Taeil was feeling a few seconds ago? Yeah it's gone now, completely gone. Taeil feels so stupid. Yuta was never going to give him his letter back. Why did Taeil fall for Yuta's trick? He should already know by now that things never go the way he wants them to. He should know by now that only the worst things possible happen to him.

 

Taeyong's going to find out that Taeil likes him if Taeil doesn't think of another excuse and quick. There's a slight problem though...Taeil can't think of another excuse. His mind is completely blank right now and he just doesn't know what to do. He doesn't know what to do, and he wishes Sicheng were here with him because he always seems to know what to do in times like these.

 

Taeil stares at Yuta with a horrified expression on his face, "Please..." He whispers. Taeil can't let Taeyong see that letter and find out that he's so helplessly in love with him that it's kind of pathetic. "Please..." He tries saying again, but his voice isn't working the way he wants it to, everything he says is barely audible and his voice keeps cracking. "Please don't show him it...please," He begs, weakly. Taeil sinks his nails into his arms as he hugs himself tightly. He tells himself to be strong and not to cry, but it's no use, he's going to end up crying in front of Yuta. He hates this, he hates that he's such a crybaby and he hates that once he starts crying it's hard for him to stop and calm down. Really, he hates that he's like this, "Please don't show it to him... " Taeil says, quickly wiping his face as he feels a few tears slide down his cheek.

 

Yuta grins, "What's the problem? I mean, you don't like our Taeyong, so why does it matter if he sees your letter or not? It's not even for him, it's for that other Taeyong guy." He takes his phone out of his pocket, and Taeil's stomach drops. _No, no, no_. He tries to snatch the letter out of Yuta's hand, but he's not quick enough to get it, and Yuta dodges him with ease. "Just give it back!" He yells, "Please..."

 

Yuta laughs, "Hold on, just let me take a pic—"

 

"No!"

 

God, this isn't what was supposed to happen. Taeil imagined several different scenarios in his head before he came into the kitchen, but Yuta never did this to him in any of those scenarios. Yuta's such a jerk, and Taeil doesn't understand why. He's never done anything to Yuta, he's always tried to be nice to him and on a couple of occasions he's even tried to be Yuta's friend, but Yuta's still so cruel to him. Taeil doesn't get it. Why is he so mean?! And why won't Yuta just give Taeil that stupid letter back?

 

"Yuta, come on. This isn't funny," Taeil whines. He reaches out and tries once again to get his letter back and he's sort of successful... if grabbing a tiny piece of the paper at the bottom and tearing it off counts as being successful. Yuta backs away from him, laughing, "Come on why can't he see it? He loves crap like this."

 

"Yuta, give it back."

 

Yuta laughs, "Wait a second," He says as dodges another one of Taeil's attempts to get his letter back. He hurries across the room with Taeil's letter, and waits for Taeil's next move with a grin on his face. Taeil doesn't want to chase him around the kitchen, he really doesn't. He's so tired of these games! He wants his letter back and he wants it back now. "Now, Yuta!" Taeil yells.

 

Yuta rolls his eyes, "Alright," he nods before holding the letter along with his phone high up in the air. Taeil doesn't know how much more of this he can take. He rushes across the room and over to where Yuta is, but he's not fast enough to stop him. He hears the shutter on Yuta's camera go off, and he starts to panic again. "Okay, fine! I was lying!" Taeil confesses.

  
"I knew you were lying," Yuta says as he puts his phone away. "Okay, so let me ask you this again. Do you like Taeyong?"

 

Taeil bites his bottom lip. He doesn't know what to say now. He can't just tell Yuta the truth and all his other excuses suck. Yuta's going to show Taeyong that picture of Taeil's letter , and then tomorrow at work Taeyong's going to come up to Taeil and say he saw the letter he wrote him. And then...then..then...Taeyong will tell Taeil he doesn't like him and that he has feelings for Jaehyun, and just thinking about Taeyong rejecting him, makes Taeil's chest tighten.

 

Why did he do this to himself? Huh? Why did he let his feelings for Taeyong grow as much as they did? He should have tried to get over his feelings for Taeyong sooner. Why did he even have to start liking Taeyong in the first place? He knew how things were going to end.. He knew he was going to end up heartbroken if he started to like Taeyong...He doesn't want to end up hurt again...God, why is he so unlovable?

 

"No..." Taeil says, shaking his head, "I don't like him."

 

"You're really going to lie to me again?" Yuta frowns.

 

"I really don't like him..." Taeil mutters, "The truth is..."

 

"The truth is?"

 

"I wrote that letter because I like someone else and I wanted to make him jealous." He has no idea where that excuse came from, but he wishes he hadn't used it. There's no way Yuta's going to believe him. "I thought... " Tears start pouring out of Taeil's eyes, and he's starting to get slightly annoyed with himself. How could he cry in front of Yuta of all people?! He pauses again to wipe his eyes and releases a shaky breath, "I thought that if I gave Taeyong a love letter, the guy I like would find out about it and then he'd get jealous and finally confess..." He says, sniffling.

 

Taeil isn't thinking about what he's saying anymore, words keep coming out of his mouth, fast and unfiltered, and they show no signs of stopping. It's only when he pauses to catch his breath that he realizes what he's said. Is that even something people in real life do? Taeil needs to shut up, he sounds so stupid right now. Who does something like that?! "Okay, I don't like Taeyong. Really, I like someone else...and I realized once I got to work that giving Taeyong a love letter just to make someone else jealous is wrong. Please give it back I don't want anyone to know about it." He begs, "Please."

 

Taeil doesn't care about his pride anymore, if he has to he'll drop down to his knees right now and beg Yuta not to send Taeyong a picture of his letter. He doesn't care, really. He just wants his letter and he'll do anything to get it back. "I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea or for anyone to get hurt. Please give it back," Taeil says and holds out his hand again, "Please. I'm begging you."

  
Yuta just stares at him for a long moment. He doesn't believe that story either, right? Taeil doesn't blame him, his excuse sucked and it sounded like something that would happen in some crappy romance novel. Who would ever believe Taeil's lie? Taeil should just get ready for the heartbreak he's going to suffer tomorrow. Taeyong's going to find out that Taeil has feelings for him, and then tomorrow before work starts he's going to tell Taeil that he doesn't like him back, and it's going to hurt when Taeyong finally rejects him, it's going to hurt a lot. Taeil already knew he didn't like him back, but being rejected is still going to hurt so much, it always hurts so much.

 

"Are you serious?! "Yuta asks, eyes going wide, "Then who do you like then? Huh?!" He doesn't...He doesn't really believe all that crap, right? Taeil literally made up that dumb story on the spot. Why would he believe Taeil's lame excuse? And why would he believe anything Taeil says in the first place? Doesn't he realize that Taeil will say anything to make him believe that he doesn't like Taeyong? Whatever, if Yuta believes Taeil's lame story then Taeil isn't going to complain or anything.

 

Taeil's just going to say he likes Sicheng. Nothing can go wrong if Taeil says he likes him. Yuta will probably think Taeil's just some poor fool who fell in love with his best friend, and if word gets out that he likes Sicheng, it'll be easy to explain to Sicheng what's going on and that he had to lie to get his letter back.

 

Yuta clicks his tongue, "Quit your crying, you big baby, " he orders, "Now, tell me who you like."

 

"Promise me you won't tell anyone," Taeil says, just to make his little act seem more believable.

  
"I'll think about it."

 

"If you don't promise that you'll keep my secret, I'm not going to tell you who I like."

 

Yuta rolls his eyes, "Fine, whatever. I promise I won't tell anyone your little secret." Honestly, Taeil doesn't care if Yuta buys a megaphone and tells a whole stadium full of people that Taeil likes Sicheng. Seriously, he'd rather have everyone think he likes Sicheng than have everyone know he likes Taeyong. Taeil exhales a shaky breath,"Okay...I lik—"

 

Just as Taeil's about to say he likes Sicheng, he hears loud whistling coming from outside the kitchen and the sound only seems to be coming closer and closer. He freezes. _Who the hell...didn't everyone leave already?!_ Taeil's pretty sure he watched every single one of his coworkers leave. Taeyong, Mark, Jaehyun, Sicheng and Johnny, they all left, so who's in the bakery with them?

 

God, what if Taeyong came back? It can't be Taeyong though. He already left and he's on his way to a nice fancy restaurant with Jaehyun. It can't be him. It definitely can't be him...But...But, what if it is him?! _Please don't be Taeyong. Please, please, please, don't be Taeyong,_ Taeil thinks. He quickly spins around and holds his breath as he stares at the kitchen doors. _Please, please, please don't be Taeyong. Please._ Taeil just wants one thing to go his way today, just one little thing...Please.

 

Taeyong doesn't step through the kitchen doors, and Taeil should be thrilled. He got what he wanted after all, right? Well...Yeah, he did, but that doesn't mean he wanted Johnny to walk into the kitchen instead. "Shit!" Taeil gasps. He quickly lifts up his shirt and wipes his face again. Why is Johnny back?! Didn't he go home already? He said he was leaving, so why the hell did he come back?!

 

Oh, why is this happening to Taeil?

 


	16. Misunderstandings

Taeil doesn't want Johnny to see him. He probably looks hideous right now. No, he definitely looks hideous, he's been crying and his face is covered with snot and tears, and if Johnny sees him, he'll be appalled. _Please, don't look over here,_ Taeil thinks as he covers the side of his face. "I like..." He mutters, "I like..." He can't say it. All he has to do is say he likes Sicheng, and this will all be over with, but he can't say it.

 

Taeil heaves a long sigh before looking over at Johnny. Why did he have to come back right when Taeil was about to tell Yuta he liked Sicheng? Couldn't he have shown up after Taeil told Yuta he has feelings for Sicheng instead? God, Taeil doesn't know what he should do now. Then again, he never knows what he should do. Taeil stares at Johnny for a long moment, trying to decide whether or not he should say he likes Sicheng while he's around. "I like..." Taeil repeats and ends his sentence there.

 

Maybe he should wait for Johnny to leave first before he tells Yuta he likes Sicheng...No, wait, Yuta will get impatient if Taeil starts stalling, and then he'll probably lose his temper and do something spiteful like tell Johnny Taeil likes Taeyong, or send Taeyong that picture of Taeil's letter. _Don't worry about him, just say you like Sicheng and get this all over with._

 

Taeil bites his lip and looks back at Yuta, "I like..." This should be the easy part! He shouldn't have any problem saying he likes Sicheng...In fact, he should be able to say he likes Sicheng in a loud, clear voice, and finally put an end to this nightmare, but, again, he can't...All of a sudden Taeil feels anxious again, and he doesn't think he can say he likes Sicheng out loud anymore. He opens his mouth and tries one more time to tell Yuta that he likes Sicheng, but he can't bring himself to do it, because...Because... He turns back around and stares at Johnny. He can't say he likes Sicheng, and it's all because of _him._

 

Taeil can't say he likes Sicheng, not now, not while Johnny's in the kitchen. If Taeil says he likes Sicheng, it'll break Johnny's heart. He can't do it, really, he can't do it. This is just another thing that Taeil didn't see coming. He didn't expect Johnny to come back, even if he did expect him to come back, how could he plan for his return?

 

Johnny walks over to the kitchen counter and picks his phone up with a smile. Taeil groans. Really? Really?! He forgot his phone? Seriously? He just had to go and forget his phone on today of all days, didn't he? Whatever, it happens, Taeil just hopes that Johnny hurries up and leaves so that he can finally reveal his grand 'secret' to Yuta. Johnny glances up and locks eyes with Taeil before smiling at him. _Stop, don't look at me!_ Taeil quickly looks away from him and down at the ground. _Don't look at me,_ he thinks once again _. I look hideous_.

 

Yuta gasps loudly and smacks Taeil's shoulder excitedly a couple of times. _Okay, ow,_ Taeil thinks as he rubs his poor shoulder. He looks over at Yuta, and Yuta has this really creepy expression on his face. Like, the grin on his face is wide, too wide, and Yuta's got that mischievous look in his eyes again, and Taeil doesn't like that expression. Yuta points over at Johnny, and Taeil doesn't understand what he's trying to say. Like, what about Johnny? He's just checking his phone. Is there something different about him or something? No...? Maybe?

 

Well, If there is something different about Johnny, Taeil can't tell what it is. "You like Johnny, don't you?" Yuta whispers, "Oh, my god. I don't know why i didn't realize it sooner." Woah, woah, woah. Wait a minute, what did Yuta just say?! Did he just say that Taeil likes Johnny?! Taeil's eyes go wide and he gasps loudly. Where did Yuta get that idea from, huh?! Why would he think Taeil likes Johnny?! Taeil hasn't even said or done anything to make Yuta think that he likes Johnny. Oh, god, this wasn't supposed to happen either. Yuta's supposed to think Taeil likes Sicheng, not Johnny. Why is this happening to Taeil?!

 

Taeil shakes his head quickly, "No..." He replies, trying to keep his voice as low as possible, "I don't..." His face starts to burn and he pauses to cover it for a second. _Get it together, you can't let him think you like Johnny_. Taeil whines before uncovering his face, "Look...he's cute, but i don't...I don't like him or anything..."

 

"You totally like him!" Yuta grins, "I see the way you look at him." What?! What the hell? Taeil looks at Johnny just like he looks at any other person. There's nothing special about the way he looks at Johnny, really! Where is Yuta getting all these weird ideas from? "Hey, Johnny!" Yuta yells just as Johnny's about to leave the kitchen. "Wait a minute, I have something I want to show you," Yuta says, rushing over to him. _Not good, not good._ Taeil follows after him as fast as he can, trying to get his letter back in the process, but it's no use, he still can't snatch his letter away from Yuta. Why is he so damn slow?! "I think you should read this!" Yuta says.

 

"No, don't!" Taeil yells.

 

"Taeil wrote Taeyong a fake love letter just so you'd get the wrong idea and get all jealous." No, god, no, Taeil didn't do that. Why would he do something like that? That's not even something people do in real life, or at least Taeil doesn't think it's something people do. "Read it!" Yuta orders Johnny, shoving the crumpled piece of paper into his hands, "You know, I really thought he liked Taeyong for a minute there. I mean, how could i not after reading that little letter of his?" Yuta shakes his head and chuckles," Turns out, he was just confessing to Taeyong to make you jealous. Can you believe that?" Yuta asks, "He's so sly!"

 

Taeil bites his lip, "I...No...I..." he has to do something. He has to tell Johnny that he didn't actually write a letter to Taeyong just to make him jealous...but...but he can't tell him the truth...and he can't just make up another lie either. This is a mess, a complete mess. Taeil should have just kicked Yuta in the shin and grabbed his letter and ran instead of going through all this.

  
Johnny stares at the folded up piece of paper in his hand for a long moment with an unreadable expression on his face. "Please, give it back..." Taeil says, this time begging Johnny. Oh, it's no use. He's probably going to read it anyways, why wouldn't he? Taeil buries his face in his hands. Everyone really is going to find out that Taeil likes Taeyong. This is exactly what he didn't want to happen. "Taeil..." Johnny calls out softly. He read it, didn't he? He read it, and now he's going to make fun of Taeil. "Here. I won't read it," Johnny says, sighing.

 

Taeil can't believe this. He really can't believe this, this is another trick, right? Johnny says he's going to give him his letter back, but the minute Taeil goes to grab it, Johnny's going to raise it high up in the air so Taeil can't reach it, right? Taeil lifts his head up and stares at Johnny through blurry vision as he comes his way. Johnny holds out the letter and sighs again, "Here," he repeats. Taeil cautiously extends his arm. What's the point in getting his hopes up again? Johnny's just going to yank the letter away from Taeil at the last moment. After all, why would Johnny give Taeil his letter back when he could tease him instead?!

 

Taeil sighs. _I just want to go home..._ He manages to grab a small part of the letter, and this is the part where Johnny's supposed to snatch the piece of paper away from him and laugh just like Yuta did earlier, but he doesn't do that. Jeez, Johnny's not as predicable as Taeil thought he was. Taeil tugs on his letter, and Johnny gives it up without even putting up the smallest fight.

 

That's it...?

 

Taeil got his letter back that easily? Really? Like, he really has it back? He isn't just imagining things, right? He actually got his letter back...? He actually...He got his letter back! He got it back, he actually got it back, and it's all thanks to..."Thank you," Taeil says,  and his voice starts to crack again. He got the letter back, and now there's no reason to cry. He should be celebrating right now, not crying...but for some reason he starts to laugh even though nothing's funny at all and then...well, then tears start to fall from his eyes just like they did earlier. "Thank you so much," he repeats, and without giving it any thought at all, he embraces Johnny. He got it back. He really got it back! And now that he has it back, he swears he's not going to lose it again. Taeil's so happy...

 

"Woah," Johnny says, chuckling, and that's when Taeil realizes what he's doing. He just hugged Johnny without giving him any kind of warning, didn't he? He did, Taeil really just threw himself at him without giving a damn...Wow, Taeil's such a weirdo. Why did he suddenly start hugging him? He should have said a simple thank you and left. Taeil's entire face heats up, "Umm...I...I," he stammers. He wants to apologize and explain himself, but the words he wants to say won't leave his mouth, "Umm..." he says repeatedly, "I... Umm." How embarrassing, Taeil's just going to run out of the kitchen now that he has his letter. Yeah, that sounds like the smart thing to do.

 

Just as Taeil's about to let go of Johnny and run out of the kitchen as fast as he can, Johnny wraps his arms around him and hugs him tightly. "Hey, are you okay?" He asks all of a sudden. Ha, well, Taeil was actually starting to feel better, but then Johnny had to go and ask him if he was okay, and now suddenly he doesn't feel okay anymore. He has this overwhelming urge to cry some more, and for some very strange reason, he just wants to tell Johnny about everything Yuta's put him through.

 

Taeil shakes his head quickly before resting his head on Johnny's shoulder. "Did he do something to make you upset?" Johnny asks as he rubs his back. Taeil just nods, he doesn't want to speak anymore and risk making a fool out of himself. Johnny clicks his tongue, "Don't worry, I won't let him bother you anymore," he whispers, and Taeil hopes Johnny's being serious when he says he won't let Yuta pester him anymore.

 

Yuta starts to laugh again. What's so funny? What exactly is he laughing at? Is he laughing at Taeil for being such a crybaby? Is he laughing because he thinks Taeil looks absolutely pathetic clinging onto Johnny as he cries? What's Yuta laughing at? Nothing funny happened. Taeil hates the sound of Yuta's laugh, it's loud and annoying, and he only seems to laugh at the most inappropriate times.

 

Taeil wishes he'd just shut up. "Aww, look a—" Yuta never gets to finish the rest of his sentence because Johnny cuts him off before he can start to tease the two of them again. "Yuta, just shut up, okay?" Johnny sighs, and somehow he gets Yuta to stop talking without even raising his voice or saying his sentence in a harsh tone. Taeil could never do that, he could scream at Yuta at the top of his lungs, but it would all be pointless. Yuta would just think it's funny that Taeil was getting upset, and laugh and then afterwards continue to pester him.

  
Taeil releases a shaky sigh and finally breaks his and Johnny's hug. He immediately looks down at his shoes. "Sorry... I kind of just randomly hugged you..." He mutters, "Just...sorry."

 

Johnny puts a hand on top of Taeil's head and ruffles his hair, "Don't be sorry, you give good hugs," he replies, and Taeil can't tell if Johnny's teasing him or if he's actually being sincere. "Thank you...?" He mutters.

 

"Do you feel better?"

 

"Yeah..." Taeil mutters, "I've had such a horrible day, but i feel way better than i did earlier..."

 

"I'm sorry," Johnny whispers. There's no reason for him to apologize, he didn't cause Taeil to have a bad day...If there's anyone to blame for Taeil's horrible day, it'd be Yuta or Sicheng, or even Taeil himself. "Want another hug then?" Johnny asks, stretching out his arms. Would it...Would it be weird if Taeil said he actually wanted another hug from Johnny? It probably would be, but he really does want another hug. It's hard to explain, but hugging Johnny just feels...really nice?

  
Taeil nods quickly and extends his arms, and when Johnny hugs him again, Taeil heaves another long sigh and smiles. Hugging Johnny really does make Taeil feel good for some reason. The last person he hugged was Mark, but he didn't feel like this when he hugged Mark. In fact, he never feels anything when he hugs Mark or Sicheng, but when Taeil hugs Johnny his heart races slightly and he feels at ease, and even a little happy, and it just feels so nice not to feel anxious or upset for once.

 

Taeil glances over to his side, and suddenly he remembers that Yuta's still in the kitchen with him and Johnny. He's staring at them too, and this is not how you convince someone that you don't like a person, but all well, Taeil just wants to enjoy his hug. Taeil just loves the way Johnny pets the back of his head, it's so comforting, and he doesn't think he's had anyone do that to him during a hug before and...again, it's nice. "Do you want to tell me about your day?" Johnny asks, "I mean, you don't have to, but I'd love to hear about it."

 

Taeil frowns, "You..." He pauses, "You really want to hear about my day?"

 

"Of course I do," Johnny replies, pulling away from him. He holds out his hand, and Taeil stares at it. Taeyong would never want to hear about Taeil's day, would he? No, he probably wouldn't. Taeyong doesn't care about Taeil or his day. Forget Taeyong! "Alright..." Taeil nods before he grabs ahold of Johnny's hand.


	17. I don't know what to say...

Johnny said he wanted to hear all about Taeil's crappy day, and Taeil was more than ready to tell him about everything that has happened to him today. That is, until he remembered that he spent most of his day panicking because of the letter he lost.

 

He's been stressed out all day and all he wants to do is complain to anyone who's willing to listen to him, but If Taeil starts talking about his letter and goes on and on about how worried he was that someone would find it and read it, won't Johnny become curious and want to know more about Taeil's letter? Of course Johnny will want to know more about the letter if Taeil starts talking about it, but the thing is, he can't talk about his letter without mentioning that he likes Taeyong first, and he's too scared to do that.

 

Taeil's a coward. He's a giant coward with trust issues, and there's no way he'd ever be able to reveal such a big secret to Johnny so soon. He doesn't want any one else finding out that he likes Taeyong, it's just too stressful having people know about his secret crush.

 

Taeil can't let Johnny discover what's written on that stupid piece of paper and he can't let him find out about his crush on Taeyong either. So, It looks like Taeil's just going to have to make up some convenient excuse and leave before Johnny can ask him any questions. He looks down at their hands and sighs. Aw, but... Taeil really doesn't want to let go of Johnny's hand and leave. He wants to stay with Johnny and complain about everything that's happened to him these last twenty four hours, but he can't.

 

Taeil can't complain about Sicheng, who's been so hard to deal with lately, and won't stop insisting that he confess to Taeyong. He can't complain about how tired he is either and tell Johnny all about how he stayed up all night looking for that dumb letter that he wrote for Taeyong, only to discover later that he spent all night looking for it for nothing because Sicheng had it all along.

 

Taeil can't tell Johnny that he got his letter back and then lost it again and freaked out, or mention that Yuta was the one who found it and refused to give it up either. He can't mention any of those things, and it's so frustrating. He wants to rant and rave, but he can't because Johnny doesn't know his secret and Taeil isn't ready to tell him it either. All Taeil can do is apologize and tell Johnny that he suddenly changed his mind and that's about it.

 

"Um...Johnny," Taeil mutters, "Actually...I'm kind of tired right now. And, um...i just want to hurry home...So..." he sighs, "So...I'll tell you about my day some other time, okay?"

 

Johnny nods, "Okay," He says, smiling. He gives Taeil's hand a small squeeze before asking him, "Hey...Do you want a ride home?" Taeil...and Johnny...all alone...in Johnny's car? That sounds horrifying. There's nowhere to run or hide in a car. What if Johnny starts flirting with Taeil again? Or what if Taeil says something stupid or embarrassing? What if something else happens and it makes Taeil all embarrassed, how will he escape then? He can't just jump out of a moving car! Well, he could, but explaining his actions to Johnny afterwards would be difficult.

 

No. The answer is no! Just thinking about being all alone with Johnny in his car makes Taeil feel all nervous again. He has to say no. He has to, that way he won't end up embarrassing himself, and he won't have to deal with Johnny's constant flirting, or suffer because of some painfully awkward silence either.

 

It's one word, one simple, little word. No. N-o. It's not like Johnny will feel bad if Taeil rejects his offer or anything. Johnny won't feel bad, why would he? Everything will be fine, and Taeil will be able to go home without having to worry about anything.

 

Taeil rubs the back of his neck, "Um.. You don't have to...You must be tired, right? You don't have to take me home or anything." That wasn't a no. Why didn't he just tell him no? _Just tell him no!_ "I can...j-just walk home... or whatever..." Okay, why is this so hard? It's one word! Why can't he just say no and leave? Why does he have to make up a bunch of lame excuses just to get out of this situation?

 

"I'm not really tired," Johnny says as he gently swings his and Taeil's hand back and forth, "Plus, i want to spend some more time with you. Even if it's just for a little bit, i just really want to be by your side." Why is he like this?! Why is he so sweet and...and...cute? How is Taeil supposed to say no now, huh?

 

Taeil doesn't reply. He wants to hide again. He wants to cover his face and run away, so Johnny won't be able to see him or tease him. Johnny's so honest with his feelings, and Taeil just doesn't know how to properly react to the things he says or does. His instincts are telling him to run away before he becomes too flustered, but there's a part of Taeil that doesn't want to listen to his instincts.

 

There's a part of Taeil that just wants to stick around and hear what Johnny has to say. And that part of Taeil, as weird as it may seem, likes to be teased and flirted with. That part of him may even like all of the compliments Johnny gives him, and even if Taeil really doesn't think he's as good looking as Johnny says he is, he still sort of appreciates all the compliments he gives him.

  
Johnny grins, "You're cheeks are all red again."

 

"No, they're not," Taeil says, frowning.

  
"Yes, they are," Johnny says, and afterwards he lets out a dreamy sigh, "I really want to kiss them." Kiss? He wants to kiss his cheek? Doesn't Johnny think he's kissed Taeil enough for one day?! Taeil still hasn't even fully recovered from earlier when Johnny kissed his hand! Taeil lets go of Johnny's hand and quickly covers up his cheeks, "Stop messing around..." he whines.

 

"I'm serious."

 

Taeil bites his lip and quickly walks ahead of Johnny, and as he's trying to make an escape, an image of Johnny kissing his cheek pops up in his head and he gasps. _What the hell?!_ Why is Taeil's brain doing this to him? Why did he picture Johnny kissing him on the cheek all of a sudden?! Taeil's going to scream. He's going to scream, and afterwards he's going to regret doing it because he's going to look like a big weirdo for screaming for no good reason.

 

Johnny quickly catches up with Taeil and grins, "So, do you want a ride home?" He asks again.

 

"Um.." Taeil repeats, "Yeah...sure," he mumbles.

 

It's fine. Everything will be fine. Taeil only lives about ten minutes away from the bakery, there's no way he can embarrass himself that badly within the span of ten minutes, right? God, he hopes he doesn't end up embarrassing himself for like the millionth time today. _Please, let this car ride go smoothly. Please, please, please_. Taeil really doesn't want to make a fool out of himself in front of Johnny.

 

Johnny puts his arm around Taeil's shoulder and leans in real close to him, just so he can ask, "Where do you live?" Taeil closes his eyes for a brief moment and tries desperately to calm himself and his racing heart down. It's no use though, Johnny's just so close and Taeil can't relax like he did earlier when he and Johnny were hugging. He's going to faint. No, now he's just being over dramatic, there's no way he's going to like pass out or anything, he's fine.

 

"I..." Taeil turns his head and locks eyes with Johnny, and the moment he does so his mind draws a blank. Honestly...Honestly, Taeil doesn't even remember what Johnny asked him anymore. "Huh?" He whispers softly. "Where do you live?" Johnny repeats in a low voice, and Taeil just stares into his eyes. Where does...Where does he live...? Taeil honestly can't remember where he lives right now or even the general location of his apartment building. "Umm..." Taeil says as he gazes at Johnny, "Um..."

 

"Did you suddenly forget where you live?" Johnny chuckles, "That's fine. I mean, If you don't remember where you live, then you can always come home with me." Taeil was wrong. He's not fine and he's definitely going to pass out because of Johnny. _What a little flirt!_ Taeil scoffs before quickly looking away from him, "You wish," He mutters before finally telling Johnny his address.

 

Johnny's a pretty talkative guy, right? Right! He loves talking to people...So, why did he get all quiet as soon as he and Taeil got into his car? Taeil figured that Johnny would ask him a bunch of questions, or tell him a funny story or a joke or two. He thought that maybe Johnny would go back to flirting with him or maybe give him a bunch of random compliments, or maybe Johnny would suggest they play some driving game on the way to Taeil's apartment, but Johnny doesn't do any of those things. He just heaves a heavy sigh as he turns his radio up and afterwards becomes completely quiet.

 

Should Taeil say something first then? Okay, he can do that. He knows how to get a conversation going. Taeil opens his mouth, and at first he wants to compliment the rock song that's playing, but after listening to it for a few seconds, he realizes that it kind of sucks and quickly closes his mouth. Okay, so he can't say this song is awesome, but he might be able to say that he enjoys the next song, or hopefully he'll be able to say that the one after that is nice, he just has to wait a little bit.

  
A different song comes on and right away Taeil can tell that he won't like this song either. Okay, whatever, Taeil's just going to ask Johnny what kind of music he likes then. He parts his lips, and right before he can ask his question, he stops himself. He likes rock, doesn't he? Why would Taeil ask Johnny that question when the answer's so painfully obvious?

 

Taeil glances around Johnny's car and looks for anything that's worth talking about. There's not really anything in Johnny's car though, except for a coffee cup that's sitting in his cup holder. Should Taeil just casually bring up coffee? Like, should he say something like, "So...You like coffee, huh?" No. Nevermind, that seems so lame. Taeil gives up, he doesn't know what he's supposed to say.

 

Taeil takes a moment and examines all the cars surrounding them. Maybe he should talk about cars. Most of his friends like talking about cars, so maybe Johnny will enjoy talking about them too. "So," He says quietly and ends his sentence there. Actually, Taeil doesn't know that much about cars, so he should just keep quiet and avoid seeming dumb.

 

Taeil leans his head back and groans. _Why is this so hard?_ He thinks before looking back over at Johnny. _Think_. _You must know something about him. Think._ Maybe Mark's mentioned something about Johnny in the past that Taeil can use to his advantage. He tries to remember anything Mark's said about Johnny in the past, but the only things he can successfully remember are all those times Mark hinted that Johnny liked him. Man, Taeil really needs to start paying more attention to the things Mark says.

 

Taeil gives up, again. There's just no way he's ever going to be able to start a decent conversation with Johnny. He's just going to give up and enjoy his ride home. He watches Johnny as he drives. He looks so focused, and Taeil can't help but think Johnny looks super cool and maybe even a little handsome too while he drives. And...and...Taeil kind of wants to tell Johnny how awesome he looks right now, but he's too shy to give Johnny any kind of compliments.

 

Johnny suddenly turns his head, "What?" He asks, raising an eyebrow.

 

"Nothing!" Taeil says before quickly looking away from him.

 

Taeil shifts in his seat. Things are too quiet and he's starting to feel uncomfortable, but he still doesn't know what to say to Johnny. He still doesn't know what Johnny likes or what he dislikes, so it's difficult to choose a subject to talk about. Usually, Johnny's the one who starts their conversations, but right now he's completely focused on the road and doesn't seem too interested in talking.

 

Taeil needs to say something though... If he doesn't say something now, then later on he'll regret not saying anything to Johnny. "So...How was your day?" He asks. Johnny sighs before running a hand through his hair, "Honestly...my day wasn't that great either." He had a bad day? Is it because Taeil said all those mean things to him this morning? It is, isn't it? That has to be the reason why Johnny's day was so bad. Taeil was a big jerk and he ruined Johnny's entire day before it could really begin. Taeil lowers his head and sighs, "Why...?" He asks in a small voice. "I just couldn't focus," Johnny mutters, " I kept screwing everything up...and...just..nothing was going my way."

 

"Really...?"

 

Johnny nods, "You should have seen me," he says, "I couldn't do anything right. I couldn't measure anything properly, and i kept forgetting to add certain ingredients to the things i was making. And then i burned myself twice, and i almost dropped a cake or two too." He heaves another long sigh, " I didn't mean to though, really. I just...I had a lot on my mind, you know?"

 

"Oh..."

 

"And, Taeyong kept yelling at me and that only made things worse, you know?"

 

"Oh...Wow...that sucks..." That's all Taeil has to say? Really? Really?! "Wow, that sucks." Isn't exactly a comforting phrase. Can't he do a better job at consoling Johnny? "Is there something i can do to make you feel better?" He asks.

 

"Oh," Johnny says as he glances over at Taeil for a tiny second, "You don't have to worry about me, I'll be fine."

 

"Are you sure?"

 

"Yeah."

 

Things get quiet again after that, and normally Taeil wouldn't have a problem with something like this. Normally, Taeil loves being in quiet places and he loves not having to talk too much, but right now he hates the silence between him and Johnny. He takes out his phone and considers texting Mark and asking him what Johnny likes just so he'll have something to talk about.Taeil heaves a small sigh and starts to type out a message to Mark, but pauses halfway through his sentence and groans. Wait, it's pointless to ask Mark what Johnny likes, they're only a couple of minutes away from Taeil's apartment, and by the time Mark finally responds to Taeil's text it'll already be too late.

 

Taeil shakes his head and shoves his phone back into his pocket. Maybe he should talk about something else then like the weather. No, talking about the weather is so boring. Should he talk about work then? No, no he shouldn't do that either, Johnny probably doesn't want to talk too much about work after the day he's had. Damn it, what can Taeil talk about then?

 

Taeil glances over at Johnny. What do they both have in common? They both work at the same place...and...and...they both breathe air? Those are all the similarities between the two of them that Taeil can think of right now. Oh! They're both friends with Mark. Should Taeil tell Johnny a funny story about Mark? Would he even want to hear one of Taeil's lame stories? No...Maybe? Um, actually, there's a possibility he might be interested in hearing a story.

 

Taeil chuckles, "You should have seen Mark last night, he was so cute!" He says, " Sicheng, Mark and I were making cupcak--" Wait, he can't tell that story! He can tell Johnny any story except for that story. He stops speaking and quickly covers his mouth with his hand. If he tells him that story, Johnny will find out that Taeil tried to make Taeyong some cupcakes last night, and then he'll find out about Taeil's crush on Taeyong, and then---

 

Wait, Taeil's being too cautious. He can tell Johnny his story, he just can't let him know who those cupcakes were for. "We were making cupcakes..." Taeil repeats, slowly, "And he was so excited. Like, he wanted to do everything all by himself...And, just... It was so cute!"

 

Johnny doesn't reply, instead he looks over at Taeil for a small second and gives him a quick smile before looking back at the road.Talking is so difficult. Taeil hates this, he's trying so hard to talk to Johnny, but Johnny isn't saying much back to him. Maybe Taeil should just shut up for the rest of the ride home. He sighs and shifts in his seat again.

 

Taeil stares out of his window and reads the names of all the buildings that they pass by. _I'm bored,_ he thinks. Why is it that the one time Taeil wants to talk, the person he wants to talk to doesn't want to have a conversation with him? Taeil looks over at Johnny and pouts. He really doesn't want to talk to him? Really? Taeil thought Johnny loved talking to people.

 

Maybe...maybe It's just no fun talking to Taeil, and maybe Johnny's starting to realize how boring Taeil really is. Yep, that's it, he doesn't want to talk to Taeil because he's boring. And now it's only a matter of time before Johnny stops liking him. Taeil wouldn't blame him if he stopped liking him and started liking someone who's like ten times more exciting than Taeil is either. Taeil's so lame, and he honestly doesn't know how he even has any friends.

 

"Hey...um..." Taeil says as he stares down at his lap, "You bake, so...Uh...Um..You know how to bake a cake, right?" He asks quietly. Johnny uses one hand to steer the car with and with the other hand he covers his mouth as he starts to laugh.Taeil's so dumb! Did he really just ask Johnny if he knew how to bake a cake?! Someone tell him he didn't just ask that. Please. This is so embarrassing, this is why Taeil shouldn't have accepted a ride from Johnny. He knew he was going to end up embarrassing himself, he just knew it!

 

Taeil whines, "No...I mean...Oh, nevermind." He covers his face and groans. He's done trying to talk to Johnny. Seriously, he's said enough for one day. "What is it?" Johnny asks, and Taeil doesn't reply. "You wanted to ask me something, right?"

 

"Forget it."

 

"No, what'd you want to ask me?"

 

Taeil slowly removes his hands from his face, "So, i was watching some cooking videos the other day...and..." He sighs, "I saw someone make this really cute cake. Like, it was a rainbow cake and i really wanted to try  it, and..." he says, trailing off.

 

"Go on."

 

"I wanted to know if you've made one before."

 

Johnny shakes his head, "I haven't."

 

"I tried to make it, " Taeil frowns, "I watched the video and i thought that it would be really easy to make that cake but..." he lowers his head, "It was actually really hard to make...Or maybe it was easy to make, and i just really suck at baking."

 

"You can't be that bad."

 

"I am though," Taeil groans, "I can't make anything. Everything i try to bake comes out weird looking, or it tastes bad or just really weird." He complains.

  
Johnny laughs, "I had the same problem when i was first learning how to bake."

 

"Really...?"

 

"Yeah, i used to really suck at baking..." Johnny mutters. He turns his head and stares at Taeil for a tiny moment before looking back at the road in front of him. "Hey, I've never made a rainbow cake before but...Do you want to try making it with me sometime?"

 

Taeil's entire face lights up and he gasps. Did...Did Johnny just...did he just ask Taeil if he wanted to bake a cake with him?! _Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh_! "Yes!" Taeil shouts, excitedly. _Yes, yes, yes! Oh, that sounds amazing_! Usually when Taeil tries to cook or bake something, things go horribly and it's not just because he tends to make messes or over seasons things either. He always forgets to do something, and he constantly second guesses himself in the kitchen, and even if he's doing things right, he can't help but feel like he's doing something wrong.

 

Taeil just becomes so clumsy and anxious whenever he tries to make something in the kitchen. But, with Johnny by his side, nothing can go wrong and he'll finally be able relax and have fun while baking instead of having to constantly worry about whether or not he's doing something wrong.

 

This is great! Taeil's finally going to be able to try the cake he's wanted to try. He's happy again, so, so happy. Johnny chuckles again, "Have i told you how cute you are?" Taeil's not cute! He's...pretty average looking and there's nothing special about his appearance at all. He's not cute, or beautiful, or sexy, or anything like that, and he wishes Johnny would realize that already. "Don't call me cute..." He mutters under his breath.

 

"Why can't i call the guy i like cute?"

 

"Because I'm not cute!"

 

"You are though!"

 

That's it. Taeil's done talking to this man. Taeil isn't cute, he isn't handsome, and he isn't gorgeous or beautiful either! He's alright looking and that's about it. "I'm not. I'm not cute or handsome or gorgeous or whatever, and i don't know why you keep insisting that i am."

 

"You are though," Johnny sighs, "You're stunning."

 

"Stop, I'm not stunning either," Taeil groans, "You're the one who's stunning."

 

"You think I'm stunning?" Johnny asks, grinning. Oh. Oh, god, did Taeil say that out loud? _Crap, crap, crap._ Okay, that's it, Taeil's really done talking to Johnny now. He means it this time! He quickly turns away from him, "I'm...really tired.." He mutters, "So...um..i...i'm going to just rest my eyes for a couple of minutes...or something."

 

"Alright," Johnny says and afterwards he starts to laugh again. God, why did Taeil have to go and call Johnny stunning? Just why? Why, why, why? Taeil's not going to be able to forget about this, he just knows it. He's going to end up torturing himself by constantly thinking about the little compliment he gave Johnny just a few seconds ago. He knows how this works, he said something embarrassing and now the memory of what he said is going to haunt him for the rest of the night.

 

Why did Taeil call Johnny stunning?! Like, don't get him wrong, he really does think Johnny's an attractive guy, but he doesn't want Johnny to know he thinks that he's hot. This has to stop, Taeil has to stop embarrassing himself like this. He needs to calm down and get a grip on his emotions, and he needs to do it fast. He takes a deep breath and slowly releases it. Okay, he's not going to say anything else that's stupid or embarrassing for the rest of the night. From now on, he's going to choose his words carefully before he speaks.

  
Johnny pulls into the parking lot of Taeil's apartment building, and Taeil can't help but feel a little disappointed. They got to Taeil's place a little too quickly, didn't they? Taeil doesn't want to get out of the car and say goodbye to Johnny...Should he invite him in for coffee? Oh... but it's kind of late, Johnny probably doesn't want any coffee right now...or does he? Taeil gives Johnny an awkward smile, "Hey...I know it's getting kind of late, but..."

 

"But?"

 

All Taeil has to do is ask Johnny if he wants to come in for some coffee. That's all, it shouldn't be a hard thing to do, but Taeil's still struggling to get the words he wants to say out of his mouth. He looks down at his lap, "But..." He repeats. Okay, he's going to ask Johnny if he wants to come in, in three..two... Taeil glances back over at Johnny and as soon as they lock eyes, he loses what little courage he has left in him. "Nevermind..." he sighs.

 

Taeil's such a coward. He can't even invite someone into his apartment for a cup of coffee, isn't that pathetic? What is he so afraid of? Even if Johnny did reject his offer it's not like it would be the end of the world. He could always just ask him if he wanted to come inside for some other reason, or ask if he wanted to have coffee with him some other time. If Taeil wants him to come in he should just ask him to come in, or else he'll regret being such a scaredy-cat later. Taeil looks over at Johnny again, "Johnny..." he says in a quiet voice.

 

"Yeah?"

 

Okay, Taeil can do this. He can invite Johnny inside. There's absolutely no reason to be nervous and there's no reason to be afraid of hearing the word "No." Either. Okay, he's going to invite him inside in three...two... "Thanks for taking me home..." He says quickly before climbing out of Johnny's car. That's not what Taeil wanted to say. That's not what he was supposed to say. Why did he say that? Why didn't he just ask Johnny if he wanted to come in with him? Ugh, this is so frustrating.

 

Johnny smiles at him, "You're welcome," he says, "Well...Good ni--"

 

"Wait!" Taeil yells.

 

"What is it?"

 

Taeil covers his face. His heart is pounding again, and his emotions are a mess, and he doesn't understand why it's so hard to invite Johnny into his apartment. Why does he feel so nervous? Why is he so scared Johnny might reject his offer? Why is he...Why is he even trying to spend more time with Johnny anyways? He should just stay away from him. Taeil doesn't want to end up embarrassing himself in front of Johnny again or end up saying something he isn't supposed to say, so he should just let him leave, right? Right! Okay, then he's going to tell him goodnight in three...two...Okay, no, he definitely doesn't want to say goodbye just yet.

 

Taeil stares at Johnny, "Um..." he says once again. What's wrong with him now? Why can't he form proper sentences this time, huh? He was so eager to talk to Johnny earlier...but now... now he can't say anything. Taeil wants to cry again. He doesn't get it, he doesn't understand why he suddenly can't speak to Johnny. "What's wrong?" Johnny asks in a soft voice. Taeil's a big loser, that's what's wrong.

 

Taeil lowers his head, "Nothing...just..." he rubs his arms, "Just...do you...um..." he pauses and takes a deep breath, "Do you want to come inside for a little while?" He says as quickly as he can. He did it! He actually did it! Taeil puts a hand over his racing heart and sighs. He can't believe he did it, he actually asked Johnny if he wanted to come inside. That wasn't so bad...No, wait, yes it was.

  
Johnny doesn't answer right away, and Taeil automatically loses hope and assumes the worst. He knows he shouldn't go jumping to conclusions, and he knows that Johnny's answer isn't automatically no just because he hasn't answered yet. But...But, Taeil can't help but feel like it was pointless to ask Johnny if he wanted to come inside. Johnny's just going to say no, Taeil just knows it. Maybe he should take back his offer. There wouldn't be anything wrong with that, right? He can just say nevermind and hurry into his apartment, right? Right. Alright he's just going to do that th--

 

Johnny turns off his car and pulls his keys out of the ignition, "Sure," He says, smiling.

 

Oh, well, that went better than expected.


	18. Cockiness

As soon as Taeil and Johnny reach Taeil's front door, Taeil becomes shaky all of a sudden. He's worried again. He's worried that Johnny won't like his apartment and that he'll never want to come back after this. He's worried that Johnny will get bored and leave after only being at his place for a couple of minutes. He's worried that he'll say or do something weird and scare Johnny away and that afterwards he'll avoid him forever. So many things can go wrong and Taeil's terrified right now, but it's not like he can tell Johnny about his worries. If he told Johnny about his fears, Johnny probably wouldn't understand why Taeil's so worried about every little thing, and he'd probably think that he's just being a worrywart or that he's just overreacting.

 

Taeil lifts the key to his front door up and his hand starts shaking so badly that he thinks he's going to drop it. Okay, he really needs to calm down. Johnny's not going to have a horrible time while he's at Taeil's apartment. He's going to have a fun time while hanging out with Taeil, and he's definitely not going to start hating Taeil for something trivial that Taeil may do or say. But w _hat if---_ No. Taeil's not even going to let himself finish that thought. He's not going to let himself over think, he's just going to try to be positive and relax a little.

 

It takes Taeil a couple of tries, but eventually he gets his key into the lock and unlocks his front door. He feels the wall for the light switch and once the light's on he turns to Johnny, "Um...I live here." That's not what he wanted to say. Why did he say that? What he wanted to say was: "Make yourself at home." Or, "Welcome to my home!" But for some reason he just had to screw up and say, "I live here." Instead. _Stupid, stupid, stupid_. How can things be going so horribly for him already? He literally just stepped through the door two seconds ago!

 

Johnny laughs and, honestly, that only makes Taeil feel worse. Why is he laughing? Can't he see Taeil's trying his best? He isn't exactly good at talking to people..."Well, I hope that you live here, and that we didn't just break into some random person's home." Johnny says as he takes a step into Taeil's apartment.

 

Taeil sighs, "That's not what i meant to say..." he mutters, "I meant to say...Like...Um...make yourself a home." Wrong, wrong, wrong, everything's coming out wrong! Why is he like this? Why can't he talk normally?! "Make yourself at home!" Taeil says, correcting himself. God, was that really that hard to say? Why couldn't he just say that the first time? Taeil doesn't want to talk anymore. He wants to put tape over his mouth and keep quiet for the rest of the night, but he can't do that because, one, Johnny will think he's weird. And, two, He's the one who invited Johnny inside and it'd be rude if he didn't talk to him while he's visiting.

  
Taeil points in the direction his kitchen's in, "Do you want some coffee...?" Why'd he ask that? He already decided not to ask that stupid, pointless question, so why'd he ask Johnny if he wanted some coffee anyways? "Um..." Johnny rubs the back of his neck, "It's almost seven..." Taeil knew that, but he still asked Johnny if he wanted coffee for some reason. Taeil's so dumb. "And, i don't want to end up drinking too much and end up staying up all night..." Johnny smiles, "Thank you though."

 

"Do you want something else to drink then...?"

 

"No."

 

"Are you hungry or something...?"

 

"Not really."

 

Okay, Taeil's actually glad Johnny said he wasn't hungry because there's no way he would have been able to cook him some kind of delicious home meal. If Taeil cooked for Johnny he'd probably give him food poisoning, and then Johnny would probably have to be rushed to the hospital, and once he got released he'd be so angry at Taeil for making him sick, and--- _Stop. Those are not positive thoughts._ Taeil needs to stop thinking negatively. If Johnny were hungry, Taeil could've always ordered them something to eat and had it delivered to his apartment, but Johnny's not hungry so he doesn't need to worry about anything.

 

No, wait, actually Taeil does have something else to worry about. He doesn't know what he's supposed to do now. He doesn't throw parties or invite people over to his home often, so he doesn't exactly know how to entertain people. If Taeil knew more about Johnny, suggesting things to do would be a lot easier, but Taeil decided not to ask Mark what Johnny liked to do earlier when he had the chance and now he's screwed.

 

Taeil has some cards and a bunch of board games they could play, but he's not sure if Johnny will want to play any of the games he has, and he's kind of afraid Johnny will think he's super boring or lame if he suggests they play something like chess. Oh, Taeil has several movies they could watch! But...to be honest...he has so many Dvd's that it's kind of overwhelming to look through them, and it'd probably take them forever just to find a movie to watch. Also, Taeil doesn't want to get out all his Dvd's and then have to put them away afterwards. He doesn't know what else to do right now though...

 

Taeil glances around his apartment and looks for something they can do, his eyes land on his gaming console and he gasps, "Do you want to play some video games?" He asks. Johnny nods, and Taeil motions for him to follow him over to his entertainment center where he keeps all his movies and games. "Okay, since you're the guest, why don't you pick what game we play?" He says once he's done bringing out all of his games.

 

Johnny looks through Taeil's entire collection of video games and afterwards he looks through the games for a second time, and then a third time. Do all Taeil's games suck...? Mark and Sicheng like them...but then again, that's Mark and Sicheng, and not Johnny. Johnny looks through his games for a fourth time and afterwards sighs. Well, that can't be a good sign..."What do you want to play?" He asks.

 

"Whatever you want to play."

 

"I want to play what you want to play."

 

Why does Johnny have to be like this? Why can't he just pick out a game? Why does he have to say he wants to play what Taeil wants to play? Taeil doesn't want to pick out a game for them to play, If he picks out a game he'll end up worrying and constantly wonder whether Johnny's having fun or not, or if he hates the game they're playing and wants to leave because he's having such a bad time.

 

Taeil sighs, he looks through the pile of games stacked in front of him for a minute or two before he picks out a fighting game for them to play and puts it into his game console. Johnny might not like it, but he was the one who said he wanted to play what Taeil wanted to play, and Taeil wants to play something he can beat Johnny at.

 

As soon as the screen with all the characters on it appears on his tv, Taeil wastes little time choosing his character. He doesn't care who Johnny chooses, it's not like he's going to be able to beat him anyways. Taeil chooses his favorite character: a warrior who's not only beautiful, but quick too and has the ability to do major damage to her opponents by attacking them with a series of quick and powerful kicks.

 

Johnny isn't as quick as Taeil is when it comes to picking out his character. Taeil isn't sure, but he thinks Johnny's going through all of the character's so that he can look at everyone's stats. He probably wants to use the strongest character available as his fighter, thinking he'll be able to beat Taeil easily if the character he chooses is big and strong, but that's not going to happen. It doesn't matter how big or strong the fighter Johnny chooses is because Taeil's still going to beat him.

 

Johnny examines one of the games more brutish characters, and Taeil rolls his eyes. Sure, that guy is giant with big, bulging muscles and he's undoubtedly tough, but he's so slow and Johnny will have to get super close to Taeil's character if he wants to try to attack her. He'll definitely lose if he chooses him. Taeil's fighter is one of the fastest characters in the game, and even if she isn't as strong as the guy that Johnny's looking at is, Taeil has faith in her, and he believes he'll be able to beat Johnny if he chooses that ugly, buff guy as his fighter.

 

Johnny shakes his head and takes a look at another character: A female ninja, one who has a fighting style that's similar to the one the fighter Taeil has selected has. Okay, if Johnny picks her then they'll definitely have a fun, fast paced fight, but Johnny's going to still end up losing. Even if that ninja is fast, Taeil's character is faster. Even if she's strong, Taeil's girl is stronger and her powerful moves will have Johnny's health drained in mere seconds.

 

Johnny groans, "Is that who you're going to be?" He asks, and Taeil quickly nods. Johnny stares at the tv for a long moment, and Taeil figures Johnny's going to finally pick that female ninja he's been looking at, but he doesn't. Instead of picking her, he decides to play as the character Taeil hates the most. There's nothing that great about the character Johnny chose in Taeil's opinion. His character is just some lame martial artist who isn't massive and extremely powerful, or elegant and fast, or even cool looking with an impressive move set. He's pretty slow, dull looking, and his move set isn't very impressive either. Sure, he's stronger than Taeil's character but...Taeil's still going to beat him.

 

"Have you played this before?" Taeil asks.

 

"Uh...Yeah, I've played it a couple of times before..." Johnny mutters, "I'm not really good at this game though..." He isn't that good at playing this game? Hmm...Well, Taeil's feeling pretty nice right now and he wants Johnny to have a good time, so he'll let him pick where they fight and he'll even let him punch his character a couple of times before he gets serious and beats him. After all, it would probably be pretty embarrassing for Johnny if he lost right away without even being able to lay a finger on Taeil's fighter. He'll let him hit his character a couple of times just to be nice.

 

Before the first round of their game starts, Taeil feels confident. He knows that he can beat Johnny and he knows that it won't take him too long to do it either. Johnny's barely played this game, but Taeil's played this particular game every weekend with Sicheng and Mark for the last three months, so there's no way he can lose.

 

Once the actual fight starts, Taeil's eyes almost pop out of his skull and he's so stunned by Johnny's actions that he can't even play the game. For some reason he thought Johnny would be terrible at this game. He thought he wouldn't know how to do anything basic like kick or throw punches, and he thought that Johnny would have to take a minute to learn how to do those things before cautiously approaching Taeil's character and kicking her or punching her a couple of times. But...but...it turns out Johnny's playing skills are a little more advanced than Taeil thought they were.

 

Johnny makes his character charge forward and, again, his fighter isn't particularly fast, but Taeil's caught completely off guard when he sees him running towards him and he doesn't know how to react. He didn't think Johnny would make his character run straight towards his character like that... He also didn't expect him to know how to perform any combos or specials moves, but right away he delivers a series of quick punches and kicks to Taeil's fighter, and Taeil's so caught off guard that he can't counter Johnny's attack.

 

Taeil's fighter is beautiful and deadly, and she's amazing at fighting, but...she's not a character with a lot of health, which isn't normally a problem for Taeil because he usually finishes his fights quickly, but right now it is because her health is rapidly declining because of Johnny's constant attacks.

 

Once Taeil finally recovers from the shock Johnny gave him, he starts furiously tapping buttons on his controller, trying to strike Johnny's character as fast as possible. He kicks Johnny's fighter a few good times before Johnny starts relentlessly attacking him again, and once that happens Taeil can't counter his moves, or block them, or anything, all he can do is watch helplessly as his beautiful warrior gets beaten to a pulp.

 

Round one is over in less than two minutes. Taeil wishes he could say he won, but the painful truth is he lost without putting up much of a fight. He stares at the tv screen, trying to figure out if everything that just happened really happened. Did he really lose in like a minute and ten seconds...or is he just imaging this? He sees his character lying on the ground, but he still can't believe this is happening to him right now. Taeil lost...? He lost to someone who's supposed to be an amateur?...He actually lost...? No way...!

 

Round two of their match starts and Taeil forces himself to concentrate on the game. Okay, there's no reason to get upset. Johnny only won the last round because Taeil wasn't really focusing, and his hand was asleep too, and he thinks he had something in his eye so he couldn't see very well either, and-- whatever, none of that matters right now. Taeil didn't want to have to do this because he didn't want to embarrass Johnny, but now he's going to have to show Johnny just how good he is at playing this game.

  
Round two starts and Taeil tries to attack Johnny's character as fast as possible before Johnny gets the chance to attack and potentially does some serious damage to Taeil's character. He kicks Johnny's character five, six, seven, a grand total of eight times, before Johnny starts to fight back. Taeil's fighter is way too close to Johnny's, and Johnny uses that to his advantage. He starts striking her with a series of quick punches and when Taeil tries to block his attacks, he jumps behind him and starts to attack him from the other side. Taeil clicks his tongue and tries several times to fight off Johnny's character but fails.

 

Johnny forces Taeil's character into a corner, and Taeil tries his hardest to get her out of it but he can't. She's stuck and Taeil doesn't think he'll be able to get her out of the corner before she dies. Johnny's punches are relentless and Taeil's health is quickly going down. He can't block, he can't punch, he can't get out of the corner, or do anything to stop the ruthless assault on his character. _Come on, come on...you can't let him win,_ he thinks, gritting his teeth. A second later, Johnny delivers one more nasty blow to Taeil's character, and then it's all over with.

 

"Fuck!" Taeil shouts as he squeezes his controller. He exhales loudly through his nose, _don't get mad_ , he thinks as he squeezes the controller in his hands harder. _Don't get mad, it's just a game. Don't get mad,_ he tells himself for a third time and then a fourth time. _Don't get mad and throw the controller. It was expensive, remember?_ Johnny gasps, "I won?" He asks, pointing to himself. "I really won?" He asks again, "Wow...I can't believe i actually won!" He says before he starts to laugh.

 

This isn't real...none of this is real. Taeil didn't lose, he couldn't have lost, not to Johnny at least. He refuses to accept that he lost. He didn't lose...He, um... he just let Johnny win...Yeah, that's what happened! Taeil takes a deep breath and slowly exhales it, "I want a rematch," He says. Johnny gives him a small smile, "Okay."


	19. Kisses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> immmmmmmmmmmm fuckong screaming i didn't write this.

Taeil's been trying his hardest to remain calm and have fun while playing with Johnny. He tells himself that they're just playing this game for fun and that there's no reason to get upset if he loses a few times. This is all for fun, and he shouldn't get so competitive or angry when he loses, but it's hard to pretend to be happy when he keeps freaking losing. He tries to stay positive and tells himself to be patient and that sooner or later he's bound to win, but it doesn't matter how calm he is or how positive his mindset is, he still can't seem to beat Johnny, and it's frustrating.

 

Losing once to Johnny wasn't that bad, sure, he was a little annoyed, but it wasn't the end of the world for him. Losing to Johnny for a second time wasn't that bad either. Losing to him for a third time, however, was extremely annoying, and Taeil swears he almost flung his controller at the wall after he lost that game. Losing to Johnny for a fourth time, now, that pissed Taeil off. He just wanted to take his game out of the game console and snap it in half, and never have to play it again, but he didn't do that. Instead he stayed seated on the floor next to Johnny and glared at the tv screen.

 

After losing to Johnny for a fourth time, Taeil swore he was done playing video games for the night. He wanted to quit and ask Johnny if there was anything else he wanted to do, but for some reason he did the exact opposite of that. For some dumb reason he challenged Johnny to another game instead of giving up like he said he would.

 

What did Taeil expect to happen? Did he expect to suddenly get a lot better at the game? Did he think it would be a lot easier to beat Johnny the fifth time around? Seriously, did he really think he could beat Johnny? If he thought any of those things were possible then he was wrong.

 

Taeil does a lot better in the beginning of round five than he's done in the previous games. He manages to attack Johnny's character several times and he drains a good bit of his health but, like always, things start going downhill once Johnny starts to fight back. For some reason, Taeil can never finish Johnny off. He's come close to beating Johnny a couple of times now, but he can never actually beat him and win the game. Johnny always makes a grand comeback at the last moment and kicks Taeil's ass, and it's embarrassing, so painfully embarrassing because Taeil's supposed to be good at this game.

 

Taeil's frustrated again, none of his plans are working and it seems like he just can't beat Johnny no matter what he does. He wants to give up. He really, really, really wants to give up and move on to something else, but there's something inside of Taeil that won't let him quit. Taeil knows at this point that the chances of actually beating Johnny are slim, but he wants to win so badly, and his desire to win is what's keeping him going. Just one, he just wants to win one game. If he can win one game then he'll be happy, and he and Johnny can finally move on with their lifes. Please, he just wants to win one time. Just one time...

 

Johnny strikes Taeil's character one last time, and Taeil can do nothing but sit there and watch as she goes flying backwards and lands on the ground, defeated. He worked so hard...And it really looked like he was going to win this time... but he...He lost, again. Taeil lost again and he just doesn't know what to do. "Damn it, " Taeil whines before looking over at Johnny, "I thought...i...i thought you weren't good at this game..." He mumbles.

 

Johnny grins, "I guess I'm not that bad at this game after all."

 

Taeil buries his face in his hands and groans. He's just going to give up. There's no way he's going to be able to beat Johnny in the second round of this game. He should just quit now before he loses his fifth game in a row. Taeil hates this. He hates that he got all excited and got his hopes up, and then lost several times. Why did he even want to play this game again? He should have suggested they play a different game, one that he was 100% sure he could beat Johnny at.

  
  
Taeil sighs. Okay, all he has to do is say he gives up. That's all, he just has to accept the fact that he can't beat Johnny and say he wants to stop playing and do something else. "Johnny..." he says, slowly.

 

"Yeah?"

 

"I..." Taeil says, "I..." he repeats. Okay, admitting defeat can't be that hard. Taeil gives up all the freaking time. In fact, he's probably given up like twenty times in the last twenty four hours. "Let's um..." He stops talking and clicks his tongue loudly. Okay, he can't do it. This is the one time he just can't seem to give up. "I hope you're ready to lose," He says, and Johnny starts to laugh.

 

He doesn't think Taeil can beat him...Johnny really thinks he's invincible, doesn't he? Well, he isn't invincible. Taeil's going to beat him. He's said that he was going to beat Johnny several times now, but he's serious this time when he says he's going to beat Johnny. He can't lose, if he loses again he'll probably get all angry and cry, and he doesn't want any of that to happen.

 

Before the second round starts, Taeil hits the pause button on his controller and groans, "Hold on...My hand's a little sore," He says as he starts to massage the back of his hand. He said his hand was sore but, honestly, that was a lie. Taeil just wants to buy some time so he can figure out how he can beat Johnny. It can't be that hard to beat him...He just has to calm down and think of a good strategy. Even if the chances are slim, there's still a chance he can beat Johnny, right? Right. 

 

Johnny laughs, "Okay, but hurry up," he says as raises his arms high above his head and stretches, "I can't wait to beat you again." Beat...Taeil...he thinks he's going to beat Taeil again? That's not going to happen. Taeil's tired of letting this kid win. He's going to show Johnny how good he really is at fighting games. "You only won the last game because i let you," Taeil says.

 

Johnny scoffs, "Sure."

 

Taeil frowns, "And you only won the last round because my hand was really hurting me."

 

"Mhmm, sure."

 

"Look at it, it's all red," Taeil complains as he holds his hand out for Johnny to see. Johnny takes Taeil's hand and examines it for a quick moment before frowning, "It's not red."

 

"It is red!" Taeil insists, "It's all red and it really hurts."

 

Johnny stares down at Taeil's hand, "It's not---" He pauses for a moment, then heaves a sigh, "You know what? I think you're right. It is red."

 

"...It is?" Taeil asks as he looks down at his hand. _What is he talking about...? It looks okay to me..._ Johnny must be seeing things if he actually thinks Taeil's hand is red. "It is!" Johnny says, and afterwards he locks eyes with Taeil and grins, "Want me to kiss it and make it feel better?" He asks. God, Johnny's too much. He's so flirty and corny, and Taeil hates guys like him.

 

Actually, that's a lie... Taeil actually really likes the way Johnny acts around him. He's so charming and funny. Oh, and, he's also so sweet and gentle, and, umm... he's really, really cute...has he always been this cute and fun to be around...? Taeil's frustrated, he's really frustrated that he keeps losing, but he still really likes playing with Johnny and he just likes being around him in general...is that...is that weird? When he gets the chance, Taeil's going to have to ask Sicheng if it's weird that he suddenly really likes being around Johnny and wants to spend more time with him.

 

  
Taeil's face feels all hot again. He doesn't know if Johnny's just joking or if he's being serious right now. How is he supposed to respond to a question like that? Is he supposed to laugh it off or is he supposed to give Johnny an actual answer? Taeil bites his bottom lip, he's spent most of his day embarrassed and the last thing he wants to do is embarrass himself some more, but... he kind of wants Johnny to... to kiss his hand again... it's weird. 

 

Taeil exhales a shaky breath and afterwards he slowly lifts his hand up, "Yeah...okay...yeah." he says, nodding, "Um...Kiss my hand..." He orders before quickly looking away from Johnny.

 

Johnny doesn't kiss Taeil's hand right away, and Taeil starts wondering if Johnny really was just joking around. If Taeil took him serious and told him to kiss his hand when Johnny was just joking, that would be...horrible and Taeil doesn't think he'll have the courage to ever do anything ever again. He faces Johnny again and just before he has the chance to laugh and say, "Just kidding." Johnny lowers his head and kisses Taeil's hand, again.

 

Taeil's heart almost jumps out of his chest the moment he feels Johnny's lips against the back of his hand. He can't take this. He wants to scream. He really wants to scream and then try to hide underneath his couch or something. Why did he tell Johnny to kiss his hand? God, his heart is beating so fast right now and his face is burning and, just, he just doesn't understand why he did this to himself. "All better?" Johnny asks with a smile as he lifts his head up.

 

Taeil should probably say something back to Johnny, but he can't. He momentarily loses his ability to speak and think, and all he really can do is stare at Johnny while he's embarrassed. The grin on Johnny's face only gets wider, "If it still hurts, i can always kiss it again for you."

 

Taeil stares into Johnny's eyes for a few more seconds before he sighs and looks over at his Tv screen. "It still hurts," he whispers, "Can you...Um...Can you kiss it again?" Oh, god. Did he just... did he really just ask Johnny to kiss his hand again? He did, didn't he? He can't believe he just said that. Does that count as flirting? Is he flirting with Johnny right now?! Oh, god. Oh, god. Oh, god, he's going to end up making a huge fool out of himself. Taeil wouldn't be able to successfully flirt with a houseplant, what makes him think he can flirt with Johnny without anything going wrong? Why is he even sitting here, flirting with Johnny anyways?! "Of course i can," Johnny says before he lifts Taeil's hand up to his lips and kisses it again, "All better?"

 

Taeil pulls his hand back and covers his face before giving Johnny a little nod. Taeil's stomach feels all weird all of a sudden and he feels like he may puke. He doesn't know why he's feeling this way all of a sudden either. Maybe he ate something bad for lunch, he's not exactly sure what's wrong with him, but he hopes he doesn't just like suddenly puke in front of Johnny or something.

 

Once Taeil calms down and that weird feeling in his stomach disappears, He uncovers his face and slowly looks over at Johnny again. He's staring at him again, and the last thing Taeil wants right now is for Johnny to gaze lovingly at him, "Don't look at me," he whines. He cups the side of Johnny's face and gently makes him turn his head away from him. Johnny quickly turns his head back towards Taeil and smiles at him. "Don't look at me, " Taeil repeats, picking his controller back up, "Look at the tv."

 

Johnny keeps his eyes on Taeil instead of looking back at the tv, and Taeil tries to keep his eyes on the screen in front of him and ignore Johnny, but he can't. He cups the side of Johnny's face again and eases his head to the side, "Stop," He orders, and groans when Johnny once again turns his head and stares at him again. "Let's just go back to playing the game," Taeil says, biting his lip.

 

"Wait!" Johnny says just as Taeil's about to unpause the game. "You know what?"

 

"What?" Taeil asks, raising an eyebrow. "My hand kind of hurts now," Johnny announces. Oh, god, Taeil knows where this is going. "Really? Do you want me to get you some ice?" He asks, and Johnny shakes his head. Taeil chuckles nervously, "Do you want me to massage it then?"

 

Johnny shakes his head again and holds out his hand, "Will you kiss my hand?" And there it is, Taeil knew Johnny was going to ask him to kiss his hand, he just knew it! How could Johnny ask Taeil to kiss his hand? He likes him, right? If he likes him then he should know by now that Taeil can't do embarrassing stuff like this because it makes him feel extremely flustered. "Do i have to do it..?" He asks in a tiny voice.

 

"No," Johnny smiles at him again, "You don't have to kiss my hand if you don't want to."

 

Good. That's good. Taeil definitely doesn't want to make things worse for himself and embarrass himself further by kissing Johnny's hand. Why would he even think about kissing Johnny's hand in the first place when he likes Taeyong? Wouldn't that be weird...? Wouldn't it seem like he likes Johnny instead of Taeyong? Taeil doesn't... look, Johnny's nice and all, but Taeil doesn't like like him or anything...And he definitely doesn't want to kiss Johnny's hand.

 

Taeil stays quiet and stares at nothing in particular. Right about now he should be telling Johnny he doesn't want to kiss his hand, but he stays completely silent instead. Taeil quickly glances over at Johnny and then down at his hand before looking away from him. _Screw it._ Taeil takes a deep breath and slowly exhales it, "Fine..." He whispers, "Let me see your hand."

 

Johnny holds out his hand, "You...You aren't really going to..." He says, trailing off. Taeil's going to do it. He's probably going to hate himself later for kissing Johnny's hand, but right now he really feels like kissing it. Even if he's just going to end up embarrassed later, he's still going to kiss Johnny's hand. Taeil grabs Johnny's hand and slowly lowers his head.

 

God, he can't believe he's going to do this...He kisses Johnny's hand and instantly he wants to let go of it and flee, but he doesn't, somehow he manages to stay where he is on the floor and doesn't move a muscle. Taeil doesn't know what's wrong with him. He could have just told Johhny no. He didn't have to kiss his hand or anything, but he did. "Happy?" He asks as he lifts his head up and looks away from Johnny.

 

"Yes," Johnny replies, nodding. He throws his arms around Taeil and hugs him tightly, "You make me so happy." How can he still say that after everything Taeil said to him this morning? And how can Taeil make him happy when he's not even trying to? And isn't Johnny tired of him yet? Taeil always messes up and he's such a cry baby, and--- "Look at me for a second," Johnny says softly. Taeil looks at him and as soon as he does, Johnny leans his head down and presses their foreheads together, "I just want you to know that i really do like you." He gives him another small smile, "I like you so much it hurts."

 

"Johnny...i don't get it..." Taeil mutters, "You're so nice and funny, and handsome too...Like, You do realize you could do a lot better than me, right?" He chuckles, "Like, you could have anyone you wa---"

 

"I want you."

 

Taeil never thought he'd see the day where someone told him that they liked him and wanted him. He doesn't know how to respond. He heaves a long sigh then stares into Johnny's eyes. Nothing feels real again. This all feels like a dream and Taeil's afraid that once he wakes up Johnny won't like him anymore. "This isn't a joke, right?" Taeil asks, "You aren't going to tell me that you were just messing around with me tomorrow, right?"

 

Johnny cups the side of Taeil's face, "Taeil, I'm not screwing around," he sighs, "I've liked you for five months. Five long months." Five months? That's such a long time...Why hasn't he gotten over Taeil yet...? There's really nothing that great about Taeil, and Johnny should have gotten over his little crush on him like a week after it started. Why does he still like him? Taeil doesn't get it...

 

"Taeil..." Johnny whispers softly, "I know this is sudden, but...can i kiss you?" He asks. Wait, what? Did Taeil hear that right or is he hearing things? "What did you just say?" He whispers back. "Can i kiss you?" Johnny repeats.

 

Taeil points at himself, "Me...?" He asks, "You want to kiss me...?"

 

Johnny releases a shaky breath, "Yes," he says, nodding, "I want to kiss you so badly right now." _Oh_. Taeil looks down at Johnny's lips. What happens if he says yes? Like, he knows they're going to kiss, but what happens after that? Shouldn't he think about all the possible outcomes before he goes and does anything? He should, he really should think things through before he does something he may regret later. Taeil locks eyes with Johnny for a tiny second and afterwards he looks back down at his lips. Nevermind, he'll worry about everything later. For now, he's just going to let go, "Alright," Taeil whispers before chewing on his bottom lip, "Go ahead then."


	20. Confusion

Taeil doesn't get it, he just doesn't understand why he becomes a complete mess whenever he's around Johnny. He was feeling okay before he told Johnny he could kiss him, but now he's nervous again. And, yeah, he's always nervous, but he doesn't think he's ever been this nervous before. Even when he's around Taeyong he never feels like _this_.

 

Why can't Taeil stay calm when he's with Johnny? Why can't he speak or act properly whenever he's around? Why is it that he can't even look him in the eye without feeling incredibly shy? Why does his heart keep going crazy whenever Johnny does something sweet or flirty, or whenever he gets real close to him? Taeil just doesn't get it!

 

Taeil glances up and the slightest move from Johnny makes a burst of excitement run through his veins. This isn't a joke or a dream, right? Johnny and Taeil are going to kiss? They're actually going to kiss?! Really?! Oh, just thinking about kissing Johnny makes Taeil's stomach feel all weird again, just like it did earlier after Johnny kissed his hand, only this time it feels ten times worse.

 

What the hell is going on with him?! Seriously, Why do his emotions go crazy every few minutes whenever Johnny's around?! It's so frustrating! He wishes that he could stand in front of Johnny just once without wanting to run away or feeling like he's going to puke.

 

This isn't funny anymore, in fact, Taeil's feelings for Johnny are starting to worry him. Shouldn't he only feel this nervous and excited when he's around Taeyong? Why is he feeling this way when he's around Johnny?! What if he's starting to... Taeil doesn't want to finish that thought, and he definitely doesn't want to think about his feelings anymore.

 

Taeil releases a shaky sigh as he wipes his palms on his jeans. He needs to calm down. It's just a kiss. He's kissed a couple of people in the past... though, none of those people made Taeil as nervous as Johnny makes him. Whatever, that doesn't matter... they're just going to kiss. Johnny's just going to get extremely close to him and then press his incredibly soft looking lips against Taeil's, that's all. Taeil doesn't know why he's freaking out, it's not a big deal... it's just a kiss.

 

Taeil can do this. He can kiss Johnny and he can do it without making a complete fool out of himself. He can do it, even though his emotions are a mess and he just wants to run away and hide, he can still get his act together and give Johnny a somewhat decent kiss.

 

Ha, yeah right, that'd never happen. Something's going to ruin his and Johnny's kiss, Taeil just knows it. Taeil's probably going to puke all over Johnny's lap, or faint right before Johnny can kiss him, or maybe he'll run away and lock himself in the bathroom before Johnny can even get close to him. He'll probably do one of those things and if he doesn't, he's going to be surprised. He'll be surprised that he didn't ruin everything at first and then he'll become super worried because that'll mean something worse will happen to ruin their kiss.

 

Maybe Taeil will break down, because he's so nervous and maybe even a little terrified right now, and start crying and scare Johnny away. Or maybe Johnny will suddenly realize Taeil's not that good looking after all and tell him he changed his mind about this whole kissing thing. Or worst of all....What if Johnny starts to laugh just as Taeil calms down and mentally prepares himself for this kiss? What if he laughs and says he was just joking and that he doesn't want to kiss Taeil?

 

Johnny wouldn't do that. Why does Taeil always think he'll suddenly say everything is a joke? Why can't he just accept that someone likes him? Why does Taeil always think Johnny's going to turn around and hurt him? Johnny's a really nice guy. He's not going to suddenly say everything's a lie and break Taeil's poor heart into pieces. Taeil can trust him. It's okay to let his guard down and believe Johnny when he says he likes him... right?

 

Johnny gives him a smile and without saying a word, he cups the side of Taeil's face and slowly leans forward. Taeil's cheeks feel hot, really hot, as he locks eyes with Johnny and watches him as he inches closer and closer to him. Wow, this is really happening... Johnny's really going to kiss him. At this point he feels like it would be ridiculous to think that Johnny is going to suddenly stop and say he was just playing around. But if he did do something like that, Taeil would be absolutely devastated.

 

Taeil wants to kiss Johnny. He'd never say it out loud because he knows Johnny would never stop teasing him, but the truth is...Taeil's never wanted to kiss someone so badly in his life before, and that's another thing that's concerning to him, but he doesn't want to think too much about it or any of those other feelings he keeps experiencing because of Johnny. He just wants to kiss him.

 

Taeil closes his eyes and not even half a second later, Johnny leans forward and finally kisses him. Johnny's lips are soft, so incredibly soft, and Taeil sighs quietly the moment their lips make contact with each other. He can't believe that all this is happening. Everything feels a bit sudden, but he just doesn't have it in him to care anymore. Johnny wants him and, maybe, just maybe Taeil wants Johnny a little more than he's willing to admit.

 

All those negative emotions like uncertainty and anxiety that built up in Taeil until he felt like he was going to burst, finally start to fade away and he's left feeling pure relief. This just feels so right, kissing Johnny feels like an award for making it through a painfully long day. Taeil needed this. He deserves some love after everything he went through today.

 

Desire slowly starts building up inside of Taeil as Johnny's lips move against his. He wants to reach out and do something with his hands, he just doesn't know what though. He doesn't know if he wants to hold Johnny's hand, or run his fingers through Johnny's soft dark hair, or if he wants to caress the back of his neck or back, all Taeil knows is he wants to do something other than clench the fabric of his jeans tightly.

  
As Taeil's kissing Johnny, he suddenly fully realizes what he's doing, and he wonders if he should be kissing Johnny right now when he still has feelings for Taeyong. That annoying little voice at the back of his head is telling him that he shouldn't be. But....But kissing Johnny feels really good... So good that he doesn't want to stop kissing him. So good, that Taeil's already forgotten about most of the horrible things that have happened to him today and for a minute there he even forgot about Taeyong.

 

But now everything is coming back to Taeil, and his conscious has been trying to tell him over and over again that what he's doing is wrong, and that he should be ashamed of himself for kissing Johnny, and also for enjoying their kiss so much... Those nagging thoughts that keep bothering Taeil aren't enough make him stop kissing Johnny though.

 

Sure, Taeil still likes Taeyong, but he's sick of liking him and all he wants to do is get over him once and for all. All he wants is for someone to finally give him all the love and attention he's craved for for a long time. Is that so bad? Is it really so bad that he's letting Johnny shower him with love and affection, and that he likes, no, loves it?! Taeyong's obviously never going to give Taeil what he wants, so what's wrong with going to Johnny to get the things he wants so desperately?

 

Taeyong may not want him, and he probably never will want Taeil, but it doesn't matter right now because Johnny wants Taeil. God, Taeil can feel how much Johnny wants him. He keeps making these happy little sounds as they kiss and he's trying desperately to pull him close to him even though this is probably as close as they're going to get.

 

Why should Taeil feel bad about kissing Johnny? Johnny's such a sweetheart. He compliments him, he cares about his feelings, and he even came to his rescue earlier. Why is that annoying voice in the back of Taeil's head trying to convince him that he's doing something horrible? He's not doing anything bad! They're both two single adults who just want to kiss each other, so what's wrong with them kissing? Taeil just wants to kiss Johnny in peace. He's going to forget all about Taeyong and he's going to do what feels right. Starting right now, he's going to block out that annoying voice that keeps telling him he's going to end up regretting kissing Johnny. Taeil's not going to regret doing anything.

   
Johnny's the one who breaks their kiss, and as soon as Taeil opens his eyes he notices the light pink color spread across Johnny's cheeks. Taeil's not seeing things, right? Johnny's actually blushing right now, right? That's so...cute! Taeil honestly didn't expect to see much of a reaction from Johnny after their kiss. He figured that he'd be the one who would remain calm and cool, but Johnny seems more shy than Taeil does right now.

 

Johnny places his hand over his chest, "My heart is beating so fast right now," he confesses, giving Taeil a shy little smile. Taeil can't handle anymore of this, that blush on Johnny's face, his honesty, and his smile are making his heart melt. Why is Johnny being so cute all of a sudden?! Taeil really wants to reach out and pinch his cheeks. Johnny just looks too cute right now.

 

"You don't know what you do to me," Johnny says, sighing. Does Johnny realize what he does to Taeil? Does he realize that he makes Taeil's heart race and his emotions a complete mess? He knows exactly what he's does to Taeil, doesn't he? He has to know how he makes Taeil feel!

 

Taeil doesn't think that he's ever met a person who's made him feel this wanted before, and he really just wants to pull Johnny in for another kiss. He can still feel Johnny's lips on his and, to be honest, he wishes that Johnny wouldn't have pulled away and that they were still kissing right now, Is that weird? Is it weird that he wishes he were still kissing Johnny? Is it weird that he also wants to kiss Johnny again? Is it weird that Taeil's never been more attracted to Johnny than he is right now as they gaze into each other's eyes?

 

Taeil doesn't get it. He really doesn't understand why he's so attracted to Johnny all of a sudden. Has he always felt this attracted to him? He's always thought that Johnny was handsome and nice with a good personality, but he doesn't think he's ever felt like this about him before.

 

What is it that made Taeil want Johnny all of a sudden? What is it about him that's making Taeil's emotions go crazy? What is it about Johnny that makes him so attractive? Taeil slowly looks Johnny up and down. Is it his eyes? His lips? His body? What is it? Is it just him in general? Taeil can't quite figure out what makes him want Johnny, he just knows that after that kiss he wants him more than ever.

 

Taeil bites his bottom lip and slowly reaches out to grab Johnny's hand, "Um..." he mutters, lowering his eyes to the carpet, "Would it be weird if i..." he trails off, unable to finish his sentence.

 

"What?" Johnny asks, sounding slightly out of breath. It's too embarrassing, Taeil definitely can't ask Johnny for another kiss. If he did Johnny might get the wrong idea or start teasing him again, and Taeil doesn't think he can handle any more of Johnny's teasing for the day. Taeil heaves a small sigh, "Never mind..." he says and afterwards gives him a small smile.

 

"What is it?"

 

"It's nothing..." Taeil says, "Just... would it be weird if i...."

 

"If you...?"

 

"Would it be weird if I liked kissing you...?" Taeil mumbles quickly. Fuck, why did he ask him that? That's not what he wanted to ask. He wanted to ask for another kiss, but he couldn't do it. It would have been too embarrassing to ask Johnny for another kiss. Though, asking Johnny if it's weird that he likes kissing him isn't any better. Why does Taeil ask the stupidest questions? Why does he constantly do things that embarrass him? And Why, just why, did he just admit that he likes kissing Johnny?! Johnny doesn't need to know Taeil likes kissing him, no one does!

 

Johnny scoots closer to Taeil, once again invading all of his personal space, "Not at all," he says softly, "I really liked kissing you too." There's something about the way Johnny says that sentence, or the words he chose to use that makes a shiver run down Taeil's spine. Such a simple phrase shouldn't have any effect on him, but it does. Now Taeil really wants to grab Johnny by his collar and pull him in for another kiss, but he can't kiss him again, he's too afraid to do it.

 

Taeil gathers up the courage he needs to look up at Johnny again, and as soon as he locks eyes with him, he grins like an idiot before quickly looking back down at his and Johnny's hands. He feels all happy again like he did back at the bakery when he finally got his letter back and got away from Yuta. There haven't been many moments today where he's felt this happy and wishes he could feel this way for the rest of the night, or at least for a little while longer.

 

Johnny gives Taeil's hand a small squeeze, "Taeil..." He calls out, "I like you." You'd think that Taeil would be used to hearing that by now, but he's not. Every time Johnny says he likes him, it catches him completely off guard and he never knows how to respond. He glances at Johnny, "You don't have to keep saying that..." he gives him another shy smile, "I already know you like me..."

 

"No, Taeil, listen. I really like you." Johnny says. Taeil gets it, Johnny likes him, why does he have to keep repeating himself? Taeil understood perfectly how he felt after the first, no, the second time he confessed to him. He doesn't have to keep repeating himself or anything like that, Taeil understands that Johnny has feelings for him.

 

"I know..." Taeil says, nodding, "You don't have to keep telling me you like me, I believe you now."

 

Johnny sighs, "I keep telling you how I feel about you, but I don't know how you really feel about me." Oh... That's why he keeps on telling Taeil he likes him...Johnny wants Taeil to finally tell him how he feels about him... _Oh_. Oh, shit. Why do they have to have this kind of conversation right now? Why can't they discuss their feelings and everything sometime tomorrow, or next week, or better yet, never?

 

"You said earlier that you didn't like me..." Johnny mutters, "But Yuta said you did, and plus you just kissed me... and i just want to know how you really feel about me."

 

Taeil rubs the back of his neck, "Umm, I..." he mumbles, "I...." What would be the best thing to say in this situation? The truth? Should Taeil just tell Johnny that he doesn't like him and that he isn't interested in dating him or anything like that? Would that be too harsh? Taeil doesn't want to hurt Johnny's feelings again, but.... He can't just tell him he likes him just to keep him happy either, right? Right.

 

Taeil should do the right thing and tell the truth even if it hurts Johnny's feelings. And if Johnny asks him why he kissed him when he doesn't even like him, then Taeil will say... He'll say... Why did Taeil kiss him? Was it because he was too caught up in the moment? Was it because he likes Johnny more than he thinks he does? Or was it simply because he could kiss Johnny, so he did? Taeil doesn't know why he kissed Johnny right now, but it's not like he has much time to sit and think about it. Johnny wants an answer to his question and he wants it now.

 

Oh, Taeil really messed up this time, didn't he? "Um, listen...i..." he says slowly, "I..." He's so screwed. Taeil was stupid and selfish, and he never once considered Johnny's feelings or the consequences of his actions before he kissed him, and now he's paying for it. He should have listened to his conscious. He shouldn't have kissed Johnny if he still liked Taeyong and had no intentions on dealing with the after math of his actions. Why did he get himself into this predicament? When Johnny asked for a kiss he should have just said no. It doesn't matter if he was feeling flirty and got caught up in the moment, it doesn't matter if he could kiss Johnny, he should have just said no so he wouldn't have to be stuck in this situation.

 

Taeil already knows he's going to upset Johnny and then they're going to start fighting, and then Johnny's going to think he's such an asshole and start hating him, and it's going to be so awkward at work. He doesn't want things to be awkward between them and he doesn't want Johnny to hate him but at this point, is there any other outcome to this situation? "I... I don't..." Taeil decides to say he doesn't know how he feels about Johnny because that seems like the only excuse that'll save everything, but before he can say anything to him, someone knocks on his door.

 

At this point Taeil will use anything as an excuse to distance himself from Johnny. "Someone's at the door!" He announces, chuckling nervously, "I better go get it," He says, getting to his feet. Johnny heaves a sigh, "Yeah..." He responds quietly, looking down at his hands, and somehow he makes that one little word sound so sad. Taeil's the worst, the absolute worst. All he does is hurt Johnny.

 

Taeil rushes over to his front door and quickly opens it. _Sicheng?_ He thinks, frowning slightly. Isn't he supposed to be at the movies or ruining Taeyong and Jaehyun's little date, or something? Why is he here?! Whatever, Taeil's kind of glad that Sicheng dropped by unexpectedly and saved him from what could have been a very ugly situation. "Taeil..." Sicheng whispers, "I'm so sad right now..." he says, sniffling.

 

_Oh, no._


	21. Love

Taeil’s known Sicheng for a long time, but there haven’t been many occasions where he’s seen him cry. Taeil’s usually the one who goes crying to Sicheng, but now it seems like their roles have been reversed. He’s always told him that he’d be there for him whenever he needed him, but now that Sicheng’s finally come to him, he’s a little caught off guard and doesn’t know how he’s supposed to calm him down.

 

Taeil stares at him for a tiny moment before quietly asking, “What’s wrong?” He has a feeling he already knows the answer to his question though. Something happened with Jaehyun and Taeyong, right? If Sicheng isn’t upset because of something related to them, then Taeil doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. Sicheng seemed perfectly fine earlier but now, not even an hour and a half later, he looks miserable.

 

Sicheng rubs his red eyes and afterwards he lets out a shaky sigh, “Taeil…” He whines, “They… They...” Okay, now Taeil’s positive that this is Jaehyun and Taeyong related, and he already knows what Sicheng’s next words are going to be. He’s going to tell him that Taeyong and Jaehyun got together, isn’t he? He doesn’t want to hear him say it. If he tells him that Taeyong and Jaehyun got together then Taeil will end up breaking down, and he doesn’t want to do that. He doesn’t want to be affected by anything Taeyong does anymore, he just wants to get over him once and for all.  

 

Taeil wishes he could slam the door right in Sicheng’s face and return to his own little world without seeming like a total asshole. He needs a couple of more minutes, or better yet days, to prepare himself for the news Sicheng’s about to give him. He isn’t ready to have his heart broken. He knew Jaehyun and Taeyong had feelings for each other, and he knew Jaehyun was going to confess to Taeyong tonight, but he’s still not ready to hear the news that they’re a couple.

 

Sicheng has difficulty getting his next sentence out. He tries to say it several times, but he can never seem to get the statement fully out of his mouth. He repeatedly says things like, “They’re…” and, “Jaehyun and Taeyong…” and then stops himself before he can say the rest of his sentence. Taeil understands what he means though, he doesn’t have to tell him what’s happened between Taeyong and Jaehyun. In fact, he’d prefer it if he didn’t.

 

Sicheng inhales another shaky breath, “They’re dating,” He says as fast as he can, “Jaehyun called me and…” He stops halfway through his sentence again, closing his eyes as a few tears start to slide down his face. Taeil doesn’t know what to say. What should he say in a situation like this anyways? Should he refuse to believe Sicheng, even though he knows he wouldn’t lie about something like this, and call him a liar? Should he be a mature adult and say he’s happy for Jaehyun and Taeyong? Or should he say he doesn’t care about Taeyong anymore again?

 

An overwhelming amount of sadness hits Taeil, hard and fast, and even though he knew what Sicheng was going to say long before he said it, he still wasn’t ready for the heartache that he’s feeling now. Taeil doesn’t bother responding to Sicheng, there’s nothing he could say that could make either of them feel better anyways, instead he tries to convince himself that everything is okay. Even though his heart feels like someone yanked it out of his chest and is now squeezing it to the point where it feels like it could burst at any second, he still tries to hold in all the negative feelings that are building up inside him.

 

Hasn’t Taeil cried enough today? He shouldn’t cry anymore, it’d be pointless anyways. Crying isn’t going to make everything better, it’s just going to drain him of more of his energy and make his head hurt. Really though, what is it going to solve? Is it going to make Taeyong and Jaehyun break up? No. Will it make him forget all about Taeyong? Nope, if anything crying will make him think about Taeyong more and that’s the last thing he wants to do. Will it make him instantly feel better? No, Taeil doesn’t think it will. He’s heartbroken. No matter how many times he cries, he’s still going to feel horrible afterwards and just want to cry some more, and he’s going to feel that way for a while.

 

“Did you hear me?” Sicheng asks softly.

 

Yeah, Taeil heard him, but he wishes he hadn’t. A lot of bad things have happened to him today and hearing that Jaehyun and Taeyong are now an official couple isn’t the worst thing to happen to him, but thanks to everything that occurred earlier today, receiving this news makes him feel a lot worse than he should. Today just isn’t his day. Everyone has bad days, Taeil probably has them more than most people do, but he can honestly say that this has been the worst day he’s had in a long time.

 

Taeil gives Sicheng a small nod, “Yeah… I heard you.”

 

“Okay, good…” Sicheng mutters, he looks down at the ground and sighs, “I, uh, went home and everything was going great until Jaehyun called me… and…” His voice starts to crack again, and he stops speaking for a brief moment so he can compose himself, “Everything was okay until he called… and said that he confessed to Taeyong… and… and…” He stammers.

 

“Sicheng, you don’t have to say anything else, I get what you’re trying to say.”  _Please, don’t say anything else,_  Taeil thinks,  _Please._

 

Sicheng doesn’t stop talking like Taeil hopes he will though, instead he continues speaking in a shaky voice as more tears fall from his eyes, “I guess Taeyong said that he likes Jaehyun too…” That’s it. That was the one thing that could ruin everything. Taeil can’t hold anything in anymore or try to maintain a neutral expression and pretend like nothing’s bothering him. Why does Taeyong have to like Jaehyun? Why does he have to date him? Why does he have to be so out of Taeil’s league?!

 

Taeil turns around and looks back at Johnny, “Um, Johnny…” he says as he struggles to keep control of his voice and hide his emotions from not only Sicheng, but Johnny too, “I’ll be back in a minute…” He announces quickly and when he hears his voice start to falter, he wants to punch himself in the face.

 

“Is everything al—”

 

Taeil doesn’t give Johnny a chance to finish his question, he quickly shuts his front door and takes a few steps forward, “Is that so?” he asks in response to Sicheng’s previous statement, “That’s great… I’m happy for him.” That’s a lie. Taeil feels like he should be happy for him, he wishes he could be happy for Taeyong, after all If Taeyong’s happy, Taeil should be happy too, right…? But he isn’t. Instead of being happy for him, he feels sad and angry, and even a little jealous.

 

At the moment, Taeil even hates Jaehyun a little bit, but he still doesn’t hate him as much as he hates himself. There’s a part of Taeil that wishes he would have fought for Taeyong or did something to prevent Jaehyun and Taeyong from getting together, but he knows there’s nothing he would have been able to do. Taeil’s no match for Jaehyun, he never was, and he never will be. He didn’t even have the courage to confess to Taeyong, there’s no way he would have been brave enough to do something to prevent those two from getting together.

 

Jaehyun has all the things that Taeil doesn’t have. He has everything he wants too. He has the looks, the height, the personality, the talent, the life, and now he even has the man that Taeil wishes he had. What did Taeil do in his previous life to deserve the shitty life he has now? Whatever he did must have been terrible and now he’s being punished for it.

 

Taeil forces a smile onto his face, “We should be happy for them,” He tells Sicheng as a few tears finally leave his eyes. He doesn’t want to be happy for them. He wants to cry and complain, and he wants to wish on every star in the sky that Jaehyun and Taeyong will break up as soon as possible, but he can’t say that out loud, it’d make him seem like a huge jerk. Even if he can’t be happy for Taeyong and Jaehyun, he should at least pretend to be happy for them…Right?

 

“I want to be happy for them…. but…” Sicheng looks down at the ground, “But…” But, it’s hard, that’s what he wants to say, right? Finally, Sicheng and Taeil are on the same page. Taeil’s finding it difficult to be happy for Taeyong and Jaehyun too. He wants them to break up more and more as time goes by, but he knows that they won’t just break up on the same day that they got together. It would be nice if they did do that though...

 

“Taeil, can I be honest with you…?” Sicheng asks.

  
  
“Yeah.”

 

 “You have to promise me you won’t judge me…”

 

When has Taeil ever judged Sicheng?! He’s always been willing to listen to anything he has to say and even when he’s said something questionable, Taeil still never looked down on him or judged him. He quickly wipes his face, “I promise,” He says, sniffling. He isn’t supposed to be crying right now, but then again, a lot of things have happened today that weren’t supposed to happen.

 

Sicheng looks up at the night sky and sighs, “I can’t be happy for them…” He confesses in a voice that’s just above a whisper, “I don’t want them to be together… I want to be with…” He pauses and shakes his head, “I’m such an idiot… I know he likes Taeyong, but I still want to be with Jaehyun…” Things grow quiet after Sicheng says that, and now Taeil’s heart doesn’t just ache because his crush’s in a relationship and he’s heartbroken, no, now his heart hurts because his friend’s heart hurts. Taeil stretches out his arms, offering Sicheng a hug without saying a word.

 

Taeil’s own feelings aren’t that different from Sicheng’s. Taeil’s in love too, he’s in love and he wishes he could be with Taeyong and that he would have told him about his feelings earlier, but It’s too late now. Taeyong’s already in a relationship with someone else, and Taeil knows that there’s nothing he can do about it. He just has to accept it. “It’ll be okay,” Taeil says, rubbing Sicheng’s back, “Maybe things won’t work out between the two of them and Jaehyun will realize he really likes you instead,” He whispers, attempting to calm down Sicheng even though he can’t even calm himself down right now.

 

“That’ll never happen,” Sicheng whines.

 

Yeah, he’s probably right.


	22. It'll Be Okay...

Sicheng’s probably right. The chances of Jaehyun suddenly realizing he has feelings for Sicheng are slim, and the chances of Taeyong suddenly realizing he has feelings for Taeil are even slimmer. Taeil takes a minute to think, trying to figure out another way to calm Sicheng down a little bit. He wants to say something like, “Well… maybe they won’t be together for a long time then!” But he has a feeling Sicheng won’t believe him. Taeil’s not sure if he’d believe himself if he said something like that because he truly believes that Jaehyun and Taeyong could be together for months or years, or even forever.

 

Taeil takes a deep breath and tries to calm himself down _. It’s okay, who cares if Jaehyun and Taeyong are dating?_ Taeil doesn’t care if those two date each other or if they stay together forever… Okay, he does care… He cares a lot actually, but he needs to get over it. Taeyong wasn’t going to stay single forever, why would he? Taeil’s had several opportunities to confess to him, but he could never do it and there’s nobody to blame for his current heartache but himself. Taeyong’s dating Jaehyun now and Taeil needs to accept it and move on with his life…

 

“Taeil… My heart hurts so much and I can’t stop crying…” Sicheng complains as he sobs, “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do… I’ve never felt this way before.” Taeil’s felt that way several times in the past and he feels that way now too. He was feeling okay for a minute there, but Taeil never feels content for long, and now the tears are back and he’s crying again. He just wants all this to stop, he feels utterly exhausted right now and his head is killing him. He hates crying and feeling all sad and he wishes he could turn his emotions off for five little minutes.

 

Taeil hugs Sicheng tightly, “It’s okay…” he whispers, “It hurts now, but… you’ll feel a lot better in the morning.” Okay, now he’s just lying to him. He knows good and well that Sicheng isn’t going to feel better in the morning. In fact, he’s probably going to feel worse if he sees Jaehyun and Taeyong being all lovey-dovey at work tomorrow. Taeil’s trying though, he may not believe even half of the crap he’s telling Sicheng, but he’s still trying his best to calm him down. “Tomorrow will be a much better day… It might hurt to see Taeyong and Jaehyun together at first, but it’ll be okay.”

 

“No, it won’t be, “Sicheng whines, “Tomorrow is going to be awful.” He’s probably right again. Tomorrow most likely will be an awful day, and the next few days after it will probably be bad too… but things won’t be bad forever, right? Neither of them can stay heartbroken forever… At least Taeil’s pretty sure that they both can’t remain heartbroken for the rest of their lives just because of something like this. They’ll be okay after a little while and start liking new people. Well, Taeil doesn’t want to start liking anyone else, but he seriously hopes that Sicheng can move on quickly and find someone else he likes, and he hopes that somebody will like him back.

 

Taeil wishes he were better at communicating. There are so many things he wants to say right now, and who knows? Some of those things he wants to say could actually make Sicheng feel a little better, but he doesn’t know how to properly put his feelings into words. He’s pretty good at telling Sicheng that everything will be alright though. Taeil lets go of Sicheng and wipes his eyes before placing his hands on his shoulders, “It’ll be okay,” He says for the millionth time even though he knows Sicheng doesn’t believe him and that that isn’t the most comforting sentence in the world right now. “You might be sad for a couple of days, but soon you won’t even care if Jaehyun and Taeyong are dating. And who knows? Maybe you’ll stop liking Jaehyun faster than you think you will and find someone better than him to be with.”

 

“No, I won’t,” Sicheng says, looking away from him, “I’ll never find someone that I love as much as I love him.”

 

Taeil gives Sicheng a small smile, “You’ll find someone ten times better than Jaehyun…” He says, still trying desperately to be the positive one in this situation, “Trust me, it’ll be okay. “

 

“No, I won’t, he’s perfect.”

 

Yeah, Jaehyun is pretty perfect, isn’t he? He’s a lot better than Taeil is and that’s why he’s the one who’s happy and dating Taeyong, while Taeil’s miserable and single. Why can’t he be perfect like Jaehyun is? Or at the very least why can’t he be a better person than he is now? If he were just a little bit more like Jaehyun, maybe he’d have a shot at dating Taeyong. He’s such a loser and there are so many things that he dislikes about himself that it isn’t even funny. He wishes he had better looks and a better personality and that he was actually good at something other than crying and complaining. There’s not a single thing good about Taeil, why would anyone actually like him? Or, a better question is, why would Taeyong ever like him? Jaehyun could give him the world, but all Taeil could ever give him is a case of severe embarrassment.

 

Taeil gives up, he doesn’t think that he’s going to successfully console Sicheng. Sicheng’s been right about everything, Jaehyun and Taeyong aren’t going to break up anytime soon, tomorrow’s probably going to be one of the worst days of their lives, and Jaehyun definitely is the perfect man. Taeil looks down at his shoes and sighs, “Sicheng, I don’t know what else to say,” He murmurs, “I really want to make you feel better, but nothing I say seems to be helping… I’m… I’m sorry, I’m horrible at this kind of stuff.”

 

“it’s okay…” Sicheng mutters, “I just… feel so sad right now…”

 

 _Me too_ , Taeil thinks as he forces another smile onto his face, “It’ll be alright,” He repeats as he motions to his apartment with his head, “Do you want to come inside?”

 

“Sure,” Sicheng nods, he wipes his face with his sleeve before following closely behind Taeil as he walks back into his apartment.

 

As soon as Taeil spots Johnny sitting on his couch, looking through his phone, everything that they’ve done with each other suddenly comes rushing back to him and he remembers that he still has to give Johnny an answer to his question. Taeil doesn’t want to deal with any of his problems related to his coworkers, he just wants hang out with Sicheng for a little while and then go to sleep. Tomorrow’s going to be a long day, and he doesn’t know how he’s going to deal with the fact that Jaehyun and Taeyong are dating or that Johnny’s going to absolutely hate him and never want to talk to him once he finds out that Taeil likes Taeyong and not him.

 

“Taeil, what do you think…” Sicheng stops talking midsentence and turns to Taeil, staring at him with wide eyes, “Um… I forgot to ask you this earlier but… What is he doing here?!” He whispers a little too loudly before rushing him back outside. Yeah, that’s a good question… what is Johnny doing in his apartment this late at night? Taeil chuckles nervously, “Um… He gave me a ride home… and, uh, we somehow ended up hanging out.”

 

“You know… someone, I’m not saying who, told me not too long ago that you have the biggest crush on Johnny and that he saw you hugging and holding hands with him before you left work today,” Sicheng whispers, “But I thought he was drunk or something. I mean… why would you do that stuff with Johnny when you like Taeyong…?” How is it that even when Yuta isn’t around, he still somehow manages to make life harder for Taeil?

 

Taeil avoids Sicheng’s questioning gaze, “Yeah… that wouldn’t make any sense, would it…? “He mutters.

 

“It would be weird…” Sicheng agrees, nodding, “But, now that I’ve seen him here… I’m starting to think that the person who claimed you did all those things was telling me the truth.”

 

Taeil’s face heats up, “Um…” He says, trying to figure out how he can explain everything to Sicheng without giving him the wrong idea. Let’s see…he hugged Johnny because he was thankful that he gave him his letter back, but he held his hand because… because he… honestly, he doesn’t know why he did that one…


	23. Answers

Taeil’s stuck in another unwanted situation and this time it’s all Yuta’s fault. Okay, fine, he would have been stuck in this situation and would’ve had to explain why Johnny is at his apartment at eight at night even if Yuta wouldn’t have told Sicheng what happened at the bakery, but Taeil would still rather blame this all on Yuta anyways. Also, now there’s something else that’s bothering Taeil… If Yuta told Sicheng what happened between him and Johnny at the bakery, does that mean he told everyone else what happened too? Knowing him, he did and now everyone thinks Taeil has a big crush on Johnny.

 

Well, Mark would know better than to believe Yuta’s gossip, but Jaehyun and Taeyong must think Taeil has a crush on Johnny now, right? … God, things just don’t get easier for Taeil, do they? So, at work tomorrow, Taeil’s going to have to see the man he loves all happy and in love with another man, Johnny’s probably going to hate him and ignore him, and most of his coworkers will think he has a giant crush on Johnny when in reality he really doesn’t. Great, can things get any worse for him? Taeil sighs, “Okay… listen, it’s kind of a long story but… I went into the kitchen to ask Yuta for my letter back, okay?”

 

Sicheng nods, “Okay, and then what happened?”

 

“He was being a real jerk to me,” Taeil says, and Sicheng stares at him for a long moment, looking slightly confused. It’s like he can’t believe that Yuta would be mean to anyone. Well, Taeil has some news for him: Yuta’s a giant jerk and he’s extremely difficult to deal with. “I kept asking him for my letter back, but he wouldn’t give it to me!”

 

“Okay…” Sicheng replies, still sounding like he doesn’t quite believe Taeil.

 

“He really wouldn’t give me my letter back. I asked him for it over and over again, but he just wouldn’t give it back!” Taeil complains, starting to feel frustrated all over again, “He read it out loud, Sicheng and it was super embarrassing. And I didn’t know what to do when he asked me if I liked Taeyong, so I told him that the letter was for a different Taeyong, but… obviously he didn’t believe me…” He sighs, “And so I… I told him that I wrote the letter to Taeyong to make the guy I actually like jealous and to see if he would confess to me… “

 

“You said what?!” Sicheng asks before covering his mouth and starting to laugh. Taeil’s glad he isn’t the only one who thought his excuse was absolutely ridiculous. Yuta shouldn’t have believed him when he said that, but he did for some reason and Taeil still can’t believe that he got away with a lie like that. “It sounds ridiculous, right? I thought so too, but he believed me...” Taeil groans, “He believed me for some reason and then asked me who I really liked.”

 

“And you told him you liked Johnny?”

  
  
Taeil quickly shakes his head, “No! I was going to tell him that I liked you… but… i don’t know… Somehow he ended up thinking that I like Johnny…” He covers his face for a small second, feeling embarrassed again. “Anyways… Yuta gave Johnny my letter and told him to read it, but he didn’t read it… instead he gave it back to me, and I was so happy that i…. I hugged him?”

 

“I see… “ Sicheng mutters, “What about that hand holding thing though…?” He asks, eyeing him suspiciously. Taeil doesn’t really have a good excuse for that...

 

“We’re friends, what’s wrong with friends holding hands?” Taeil asks, and he’s a little ashamed that that’s the best excuse he could come up with on short notice. Sicheng is never going to believe him, and he knows that, but he really doesn’t know what else to say. He doesn’t know why he held Johnny’s hand and he doesn’t know why he kissed him either, okay? Taeil doesn’t know anything, okay?! He’s stupid.

 

“I feel like you’re hiding something from me…” Sicheng says, frowning. How can he think that Taeil’s hiding something from him?! Taeil isn’t hiding anything from him, well, besides the fact that he decided to kiss Johnny because he’s such an idiot… but that’s really all and Sicheng doesn’t have to know about that.

 

Taeil smiles at him, “Listen, I’m not hiding anything from you. That’s all that happened and after we left the bakery, we came back here and chilled…”

 

“That’s all you did, right?”

  
  
“Yeah.”

 

“Really…?” Sicheng asks. He leans forward and cups Taeil’s ear before whispering, “You guys didn’t…. you know… have sex or anything, right?” Did… Did Sicheng just… did he really just ask him if he slept with Johnny? Is Taeil hearing things? He has to be hearing things. Why would Sicheng even ask that question when he knows that Taeil has feelings for Taeyong? It wouldn’t make any sense for him to ask such a dumb question, Taeil definitely heard him wrong. Sicheng was whispering too quietly and Taeil just misunderstood the question.

 

“What did you say…?” Taeil asks, “I think I heard you wrong…”

 

“Be honest with me, Taeil,” Sicheng orders, “Did you sleep with Johnny?” Okay, there’s something seriously wrong with Taeil’s hearing. For the second time in a row he could have sworn Sicheng asked him if he had sex with Johnny. But obviously that’s not what he said, right? And if he did ask that ridiculous question, what would make him ask something like that…? Taeil hasn’t done anything with Johnny… Okay, well, he’s held his hand once or twice…and he’s hugged him…and kissed him… Alright, maybe Sicheng has a good reason to be suspicious of Taeil and Johnny’s relationship after all.

 

“Can you repeat that one more time…?” Taeil asks in a tiny voice. Okay, if he hears Sicheng ask that question again then there’s either something seriously wrong with his hearing and he should get his ears checked out, or Sicheng really has been asking him if he had sex with Johnny this whole time. Sicheng takes a step back and puts his hands on his shoulders, “Taeil,” He says slowly, “Did you and Johnny fuck?”

  
Sicheng really… He really stood in front of Taeil and, despite knowing that Taeil has feelings for Taeyong, asked him such a vulgar question. He really asked him if he had sex with Johnny…How many times does Taeil have to say this? He likes Taeyong, not Johnny! Why would he even think about having sex with Johnny? Does Sicheng think Taeil’s that desperate for some love and affection that he’d just sleep with the first man who told him he liked him!? “Why would I sleep with Johnny?” Taeil whispers, “You know I like Taeyong!”

 

“You can still have sex with Johnny even if you like Taeyong,” Sicheng replies, nonchalantly, “You said you wanted to get over Taeyong… And I mean what better way to get over him than to bring Johnny back here and…” That’s wrong! That’s so unbelievably wrong, why would Taeil use Johnny like that?

 

Johnny really likes him and taking advantage of him like that would be wrong. It’s bad enough that Taeil got too caught up in the moment and kissed him, if he would have done more than that then he’d be a horrible person. He doesn’t want to be romantically involved with Johnny in any way. As a matter of fact, he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone and he should stop doing all these things with Johnny because he’s going to give him the wrong idea.

 

“I didn’t sleep with him!” Taeil yells, “I wouldn’t have done something like that with him! I just… “  
 

“You just?!”  
  
  
Taeil really needs to control his emotions better, he seriously almost blurted out that he kissed Johnny just a second ago and there’s no way he would have been able to explain why he did that one. “I just played a video game with him,” Taeil mutters before turning around, “We should really go back inside,” He states, trying to change the subject, “Johnny’s probably pissed off that I left him all alone for so long.” He says quickly before rushing back into the apartment.

 

“Hey, I’m not done talking to you!” Sicheng complains as he chases after him.

 

  
Taeil’s done talking to him though. He doesn’t want to answer any more questions about him and Johnny or about his feelings. He doesn’t know why he's held hands with Johnny so many times today or why he kissed him, and he doesn’t know why he wanted to spend more time with him and brought him home, or why he was all flirty with him earlier either. All he knows is that he doesn't dislike spending time with Johnny and… he doesn't dislike holding his hand or hugging him and he definitely doesn't dislike kissing him either, in fact, he likes doing all those things with Johnny.

 

Taeil wishes he were disgusted by Johnny though, or at the very least he wishes he didn’t like being around him or holding his hand or whatever. Everything would be a lot easier if he didn’t like Johnny even a little bit and if he could just bring himself to finally reject him. He wishes he weren’t so indecisive and so reluctant to push him away. Taeil sits down on the couch next to Johnny, “I’m so sorry that I left you all alone in here,” he says, giving him a small smile.

 

“It’s okay,” Johnny replies, smiling back at him, “Is everything okay?” Things are a complete mess right now, but Taeil doesn’t tell him that.

 

Taeil nods, “Yeah… Sicheng just isn’t feeling good right now…”

 

“Oh…” Johnny looks up at Sicheng and gives him a smile, “I hope you feel better…”

  
  
“Thanks…” Sicheng mutters as he sits down on the couch next to Taeil.

 

  
“So, should we continue our game… or…” Taeil asks, trailing off.

  
  
“Uh, actually, I have to get going…”

 

is it bad that Taeil is relieved that Johnny’s leaving? Yeah, it is kind of horrible that he’s happy that Johnny’s leaving, but if Johnny’s leaving that means Sicheng won’t get the chance to ask him any weird questions and, more importantly, it means Taeil won’t have to give an answer to the question Johnny asked him earlier… well, for now at least. “Uh… Taeil, can you walk me out to my car?” Johnny asks as he stands up. Damn it, Taeil spoke too soon.

 

Taeil’s allowed to say no, right? Johnny won’t get upset or anything if he makes up some lame excuse like his legs hurt or he’s too tired to walk him to his car, right? If that’s the case then how come he feels obligated to fulfill his request? Taeil doesn’t want to do it, he already knows what’s going to happen once he steps outside with Johnny. Johnny’s going to ask Taeil if he likes him, and Taeil’s going to panic, again, and say the wrong thing and ruin their relationship completely.

 

Taeil looks down at his lap, “Yeah, sure,” He says before getting up and quietly following Johnny to the front door. “Um, Sicheng… I’ll be right back.” Sicheng’s been so good at getting Taeil into trouble lately, and for once he wishes that he would actually get him out of trouble. Like, if Sicheng could just pretend to be extremely ill so Taeil doesn’t have to go out and talk to Johnny that would be great.

 

“Take your time,” Sicheng replies, picking up one of the controllers that Johnny and Taeil forgot about a long time ago. Taeil hopes this won’t take too long…He hopes he can take Johnny to his car as fast as possible and that Johnny doesn’t get the chance to ask him if he likes him again.

 


	24. Fear

Taeil has a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach and there’s something telling him that he should turn around and run away before Johnny has the chance to ask him how he feels about him again, but it’s too late to run back to his apartment now. They’re almost at the parking lot, so Taeil should just get ready to answer Johnny’s question from earlier now. “So… about what we were talking about a little while ago…” Johnny says, breaking the awkward silence between them.

 

And, there it is. Taeil knew Johnny asked him to walk him to his car just so they’d have some privacy and so he’d be able to get an answer from him finally. Taeil still doesn’t know what he should say though. He doesn’t want to lie, but he doesn’t want to say something that will make Johnny leave here feeling betrayed and angry or heartbroken and used either. Taeil sighs, “I’m sorry… What were we talking about earlier?” He asks, in a pathetic attempt to buy himself some more time. 

 

Johnny suddenly stops walking and turns to Taeil, “Do you like me?” He asks in a soft voice. Is there any chance that something’s going to interrupt their conversation again, or is that just wishful thinking? It’s probably just wishful thinking, right? Taeil really doesn’t want to reject Johnny, he just doesn’t have the heart to do it. He’s already upset Johnny once today, there’s no way he can do it again. Maybe he should pretend to be sick or faint. Would it be suspicious if he said his stomach felt really bad and he had to go throw up? It probably would be, but it wouldn’t be a lie. Taeil definitely doesn’t feel too good right now. 

 

Taeil takes a little too long to figure out what he’s going to say. He’s completely lost in his thoughts until he hears Johnny sigh from besides him. “You don’t have to worry about my feelings or anything, just tell me how you really feel.” But that’s the thing. Taeil does have to worry about Johnny’s feelings. He saw how he looked earlier when Taeil broke his heart the first time around and he doesn’t want to see him looking like that again. It’s not just that either, he’s also worried that if he tells him the truth that Johnny will hate him forever and never want to speak to him again. 

 

Taeil lowers his head, “I’m sorry…” 

 

“What are you sorry for?”  
  
  
“I know I kissed you and everything… but I… “ Taeil sighs, “I actually like Taeyong…” He whispers. Okay, he’s ready for it. He’s ready for Johnny to scream at him and call him an asshole, or for him to be absolutely heartbroken and break down and call him a horrible person for letting him believe that he likes him. It had to happen sooner or later, and maybe Taeil should be a little happy that the truth is coming out now so that he doesn’t have to deal with any problems in the future. 

 

Johnny stays quiet for a long time after Taeil admits the truth, and for Taeil that’s a worse response than he originally thought he’d get. Johnny doesn’t say anything or move or even look at Taeil, he just stares down at the sidewalk. There’s not much of an expression on his face, but Taeil knows he’s hurting and he just wants to apologize a hundred more times. He knows how Johnny’s feeling right now and it’s probably one of the worst feelings in the world. 

 

Taeil’s pretty heartbroken right now, but Johnny must feel a lot worse than he does. He’s been rejected twice and even found out that Taeil liked another man all on the same day. It’s so sad… Taeil wishes it didn’t have to be like this. He wishes he didn’t like Taeyong and that he didn’t have to shatter Johnny’s heart into pieces again. Taeil’s just about to tell him he’s sorry again when Johnny suddenly heaves a shaky sigh, “Oh, okay,” Oh, okay? What kind of response is that?! 

 

Taeil gazes at Johnny for a brief moment before glancing over at the parking lot, “That’s all you’re going to say…? Aren’t you angry?”  
  
  
  
“No.”  
 

“Really?” Taeil asks as he stares at Johnny, feeling slightly confused. How can he not be angry or at least a little bitter? Taeil kissed him and then turned around and said he didn’t have any kind of feelings for him! This would never happen, but if Taeyong kissed Taeil and then turned around and said that he actually had feelings for another man, Taeil would be absolutely devastated. How is Johnny okay with this situation?! Why isn’t he even a little upset with Taeil? Taeil’s such a jerk! 

  
  
Johnny nods, “Yeah.”

 

“Okay, but… You hate me, right…? You have to hate me…”  
  
  
Johnny gives him a little smile, “I’m a little sad… and kind of jealous…” He whispers, “But… I don’t hate you.”

 

What?! He’s not angry and he doesn’t hate Taeil either? Okay… but he definitely doesn’t like him anymore, right? He’s finally realized that he shouldn’t waste his precious time on Taeil and that he should go pursue someone else, right? Of course that’s how he feels right now, and Taeil’s willing to bet that the next sentence that comes out of his mouth is going to be something like, “I’m not angry at you and I don’t hate you either, but I’m definitely done liking you!” If he doesn’t say something like that… then Taeil’s going to be shocked. “Okay, but I bet you don’t like me anymore, right?” Taeil asks.  
  
  
“Of course I still like you,” Johnny says, looking away from him for a quick second, “I like you so much and there’s no way I could just get over you in three minutes. “ Even now he’s still saying he likes him? He doesn’t want to say something bitter or claim that he suddenly doesn’t like Taeil anymore or that he’s going to get over him as fast as possible, or something like that? Because that’s what Taeil would do if he were him. He’d try to play it cool and say that he doesn’t care if the person he likes doesn’t like him back because he’s already over that person anyways. But, Johnny’s nothing like him and Taeil should have realized that by now. 

 

“Oh…” Taeil replies, unsure of what to say next, “Still… I’m sorry… I should have told you how I felt earlier.” And he definitely shouldn’t have invited him back to his apartment and kissed him, even if both of those things sounded like a good idea at the time. “And…um… I hope you’re not too upset and that you find someone who’s way better than me to be with.” _That shouldn’t be too hard_ , Taeil thinks bitterly, _considering I’m the biggest loser on this planet._

 

Johnny sighs, “So, there’s no chance of us ever getting together?” 

  
  
“I really like Taeyong right now…” Taeil admits, “ I wish that I didn’t like him though and I’m trying my hardest to get over him… but I still like him a lot and…I think it might be a little weird if I dated you when I still have feelings for him.”

  
  
“What if you didn’t like him?” Johnny asks, “Then would I have a chance with you?”

 

Johnny’s questions just don’t get any easier to answer, do they? This one seems like it’s worse than the last one because now Taeil has to search for more answers he doesn’t have. “Um... I don’t know,” he admits, “I don’t think this love crap is for me, you know? I always… “He stops talking the moment tears start to gather in his eyes. Again?! Seriously, why is he crying again…? Nothing sad is even happening. Why is he always crying over something?!

 

“What?” Johnny asks.  
  
 

“It’s nothing…”

 

“No, what were you going to say?”

 

“I always end up with my heart broken,” Taeil mutters, And that’s why Taeil never wants to start liking another person again. He just wants to keep his distance from people and never think about dating or love ever again. He has no luck when it comes to love, so he should just give up on it, right? It’d probably be better if he did that. He can’t end up hurt if he doesn’t allow himself to fall in love again, right? 

 

“Give me a chance, and I promise you you’ll never end up heartbroken again,” Johnny whispers.

 

It’s funny, now that Taeil actually wants to give up on love, he finally has a love interest. He wants to stick to his word no matter what and forget about dating and falling in love, and he wants to stop the little bit of feelings he has for Johnny from growing more than they already have too. But it’s difficult and for some reason Taeil continuously draws Johnny closer to him when in reality he just wants to push him away.

 

Taeil isn’t doing it on purpose though. He didn’t plan on leaving the bakery with Johnny or letting him take him home either. He thought he was going to leave work all by himself once he got his letter back, but that’s not what happened. Somehow Johnny ended up giving him a ride home… Taeil probably should have stopped things there. He probably should have just let Johnny go home, but, no, he wanted to spend some more time with Johnny.

 

Taeil shouldn’t want to get to know Johnny like he does now, nothing good ever happens when Taeil wants to get to know someone. The last time he was interested in someone and wanted to get to know them better, he ended up with a huge crush on Taeyong. Taeil shouldn’t have invited him inside, things started out innocent but then Johnny and Taeil started flirting… and…

 

Taeil doesn’t know why he keeps allowing these types of things to happen. He doesn’t want to date or like anyone, right? Then why is he setting himself up for another heartbreak when he’s not even over the one Taeyong caused him?! Why did he flirt with Johnny and kiss him? Why couldn’t he just do what he said he was going to do? All he had to do is keep his distance from Johnny, why couldn’t he even do that much?! 

 

Why do things have to be like this?! Why did Johnny have to pop up and tell Taeil he liked him when Taeil was just about to accept his fate and try to live a happy life as a single man forever? Why does he have to be interested in him when he knows that things aren’t going to work out between them? Why can’t he just be done with love already? and Why is he letting Johnny get close to him if he’s so sure he’s ready to give up on love?!

 

Maybe Taeil isn’t ready to give up on love just yet. Maybe Taeil’s an indecisive idiot who never knows what he wants. Yeah, that’s what he is. He’s an indecisive idiot who never learns his lesson or sticks to his word. No matter how hard he tries, he’s never going to be able to give up on love like he wants to, he’s just going to be stuck accidentally falling in love with people and then ending up heartbroken a few months later for the rest of his life. He’s not just destined to be lonely, no, he’s destined to be lonely _and_ heartbroken forever. 

 

Do you know what else is funny? Taeil’s wished that someone would finally come along and tell him that they like him and want to be with him for a long time now. He’s also wished someone would come along and promise him that they would never break his heart or that they would love him forever for a long time now too but, unexpectedly, after hearing Johnny say that he’ll never break his heart, Taeil feels… skeptical. If Taeil gives Johnny a chance he’ll never end up heartbroken again? That sounds like a bunch of bullshit if you ask Taeil and, honestly, he thinks Johnny’s just saying that so he’ll start dating him.

 

Taeil believes Johnny when he says that he likes him a lot, but there’s just no way he can believe him when he says that he won’t break his heart, how can he? After all the shitty luck he’s had with love it just seems unrealistic that anyone, no matter how sweet they are, could actually keep a silly promise like the one Johnny just made him. Taeil has a feeling that if he gives Johnny his heart, he’ll break it into tiny pieces just like the men before him have and he just can’t take that kind of risk. 

 

This may sound a little silly but, the truth is Taeil’s afraid of the future and unwilling to take any kind of risk. He finds Johnny more than a little attractive and he thinks there’s so many good things about him. This is also the first time anyone’s actually liked him, and he feels like he should see where this goes because he’s sure that Johnny would be a great boyfriend. And there’s something that’s telling him that he shouldn’t waste this opportunity too… but Taeil still wants to push him away before it’s too late because the fear he feels is greater than his curiosity and his attraction for Johnny. 

 

It's stupid, Taeil feels like his feelings are always conflicting with each other. He never knows what he should do because everything seems like it has too many negative consequences. He could give Johnny a chance but he’s afraid that if he gives Johnny a chance that he’ll end up falling madly in love with him and that, sooner rather than later, he’ll end up dumped because what’s good about him? Johnny likes him now, but he doesn’t know him as well as he think he does.

 

Once Johnny finds out who Taeil is… once he sees how much of a loser Taeil is and sees that he’s nothing but a giant crybaby who’s plagued with anxiety, Taeil’s afraid that he won’t like him anymore. if he takes a chance for once in his life and if he actually dates Johnny, once Johnny finally gets tired of him and dumps him, he’ll end up heartbroken for the millionth time and Taeil doesn’t think he can take another guy breaking his heart.

 

At the same time though, Taeil feels like if he lets Johnny get away, he’ll regret it. He knows that he’ll be throwing away the opportunity to be with an amazing guy just because he’s too afraid to take a risk, and that’s scary too because who knows if he’ll ever meet someone as great as Johnny is. He’s afraid that he will never find a guy as sweet as Johnny is that’ll like him again and that he could end up alone forever. He’s afraid that he could end up liking Johnny anyways and that once he finally gets the courage to confess to him, that it’ll be too late for him and that Johnny will already have someone else. 

 

Taeil’s skeptical right now and doesn’t think there’s any chance of Johnny keeping his promise, but what if he’s just overthinking things and being too negative? What if Johnny and Taeil are actually perfect for eachother and Taeil just hasn’t realized it yet? What if Johnny can actually keep the promise he made him? What if Taeil does end up dating people in the future but his relationships never last long and he’s always left wondering what it would have been like to date Johnny?! What if Taeil isn’t doing himself any favors by pushing Johnny away? And what if pushing Johnny away now means that Taeil will continue to live a lonely and bitter life in the future? 

 

It feels like regardless of what Taeil chooses to do he’s still going to end up being heartbroken, lonely and maybe even a little regretful. If that’s the case, then maybe Taeil should stop worrying about everything and just do what feels right at this very moment. He exhales a shaky sigh, “Why should I give you a chance?” He asks. This is it. He’s going to hear Johnny out and if he still thinks it’s a good idea to reject him afterwards, then he’ll just reject him and deal with any negative consequences later. 

 

“Taeil,” Johnny says softly before he cups the side of Taeil’s face, “I know you’re afraid of having your heartbroken…” Oh, he has no idea how petrified Taeil really is of the thought of having his heartbroken. His fear is so bad that it’s stopped him from pursuing several relationships in the past, and he might even throw away the chance to be with Johnny now if he can’t convince him that everything will be okay… 

 

“I’m just going to be honest with you, okay?” Johnny gives him a small smile, “We could both end up heartbroken in a couple of weeks or months or years, or whenever but I don’t plan on breaking your heart, really! “He insists, “Breaking your heart is the last thing I want to do, Taeil. What I want to do is get to know you and give you the chance to get to know me and start liking me. I want to make you happy and do fun things with you, and be there for you when you’re feeling down too! ”

 

No one’s ever said anything like that to Taeil before… Was Johnny’s little speech really as heartwarming as Taeil thinks it was, or is he just easily moved? Maybe it’s both, Taeil doesn’t know. What he does know though is that he’s surprisingly easy to persuade. He thought for sure that it would take longer for Johnny to get him to change his mind but the few words that Johnny said to him already have left a pretty big impact on him. Taeil’s heart is racing again and his face feels all hot, and he’s just ready to admit defeat and tell Johnny that he’ll give him a chance after all… 

 

Johnny sighs, “I’m so tired of watching you from afar. I just want you to give me one chance to prove myself and to prove to you that falling in love isn’t a bad thing. That’s all, just give me one chance and if you don’t start liking me or if you’re truly worried that I’ll hurt you, then tell me to get lost.” Taeil wants to trust Johnny, he’s still a little afraid that he’s going to end up hurt, but he really wants to trust him. He’s not going to overthink or worry about the future anymore, he’s just going to trust Johnny and whatever happens, happens 

 

“Okay…” Taeil whispers, “Okay, let’s see where this goes…” He says before quickly covering his face with his hands. 


	25. Moving on...

Everything’s going to be okay, right? Taeil knows he said he wasn’t going to overthink things anymore and that he was just going to do what felt right, but… he’s starting to feel insecure about the decision he just made already. He made the right choice and in the future he’s going to realize that giving Johnny a chance was one of the best decisions he’s ever made in his life, right?

 

Taeil sure hopes that this is the one time his gut is wrong and that taking a chance was a good thing because his original fears are starting to return to him. He’s worried about the future again because he just gave Johnny permission to pursue him and now his already fragile heart could be broken at any given moment.

 

Taeil’s scared… He’s really scared right now, but…He’s going to try to be positive even though he doesn’t have much confidence right now and is afraid of what’s going to happen next. He doesn’t want to change his mind all of a sudden and kill all of Johnny’s hopes and dreams just because he’s a little anxious and unsure of the future. He wants to try and see something through to the end for once in his life.

 

Once Taeil finally regains what little courage he has and decides to stop hiding himself from Johnny, he slowly moves his hands away from his face. Johnny’s staring at him again and somehow, even though Taeil is the one with a million different conflicting thoughts running through his head, Johnny is the one who looks extremely confused right now. “What… What did you just say?” He asks in a small voice.

 

Taeil said that he was willing to give Johnny a chance. Despite everything he said before and all his fears he… He still decided to hear him out and give him a chance, and he can’t believe he did it. He can’t believe he had enough courage in him to actually go against his gut and agree to become romantically involved with Johnny. “I… I know earlier I said it would be weird if I dated you because I still like Taeyong,” Taeil mutters, “But…I don’t know… at the same time I feel like if I don’t go on at least one date with you, then I’ll regret it. Does that make sense …?”

 

Taeil probably isn’t making any sense, but what else is new? When has he ever made even a little bit of sense? Never, he never makes any sense because his feelings are so hard to figure out and he’s constantly changing his mind about things. Taeil groans, “I’m sorry, I can never make up my mind…But, anyways…” He pauses for a second, trying to gather up his words and form a coherent sentence instead of just babbling like he usually does.” Uhm, you’re a really nice guy and after hearing what you had to say, I want to see if were suitable for each other or whatever…” Taeil whispers as his face starts to heat up, and at this point he can’t even look at Johnny anymore.

 

Taeil looks down at the sidewalk and heaves a shaky sigh, “To be honest, I’m really worried that things won’t work out between us because… “He chuckles nervously, “Because _…” Because I’m so fucking unlovable that it’s not even funny_ , Taeil thinks. He doesn’t say what he’s thinking though, instead he says, “Because I have such bad luck when it comes to love, but…”

 

“Go on,” Johnny smiles, “I’m listening.”

  
  
Taeil has a feeling that he’s going to embarrass himself terribly if he continues speaking… but, whatever, he just wants to get all of his feelings out now while he still has the courage to do so. “But, I don’t want to end up with any regrets, you know?”

 

To be honest, one of the things Taeil regrets most right now is that he didn’t have the courage to confess to Taeyong to his face and chase after him. There’re so many things he wishes he would of said or done, but it’s too late now and Taeil thinks it’s time to move on. Obviously, he won’t get over Taeyong in a day or even two days like he wishes he could, but that’s okay. He hopes one day soon he can move on from him and maybe over time he’ll start to like Johnny. Or maybe he won’t, but he definitely doesn’t want to miss the opportunity to go out with Johnny because, again, who knows when another sweet guy will come along and like Taeil?

 

Taeil’s not going to live with any more painful regrets. He wants to know what it’s like to go on a date with Johnny and he wants to know what it feels like to go out with someone who actually likes him back too. He may like Taeyong now, but Johnny’s caught his attention, and Taeil isn’t against the thought of them ending up being more than just friends one day. Maybe Taeil will start liking Johnny after going on a few dates with him and they’ll have a future together, who knows? Or maybe Taeil’s thinking too far ahead again but, honestly, he’s so lonely. Even though he has a lot of people who care about him, he still feels so lonely in this world.

 

And at the end of the day, even though Taeil’s said that he’s wanted to give up on love several times now, and even though his poor heart has been through so much and he’s been left heartbroken so many times in the past , he still just wants to find someone who he can love with all his heart, and he hopes that the next person he loves will love him just as much as he loves them . Maybe Johnny will be that person, who knows?

 

Taeil looks back up and locks eyes with Johnny again, “I want to give you a chance…” He mumbles quickly before looking away from him again,“ I think I’m ready to move on from Taeyong too… I’ve liked him for a long time now, and… Honestly… I don’t think that we’ll ever be anything other than just coworkers. So, I…I…think it’s time to move on and find someone who will like me and actually wants to be with me.”

 

Taeil’s eyes are watering again and he doesn’t understand why. He thought that he had already come to terms with the fact that he and Taeyong would never get together, so why is his heart aching all of a sudden and why is he crying again? Why does the thought of him and Taeyong never being together still make him so sad? He already admitted defeat a long time ago, so he should stop crying and move on with his life. So what if he and Taeyong never end up together?! Who cares?

 

“Are you okay?” Johnny asks, rubbing Taeil’s back gently.

 

Taeil quickly wipes his eyes, “I’m fine…I’m… I’m just a big crybaby,” He says, frowning, “I’m sorry... You don’t have to worry about me or anything. I’m always like this, really. It’s kind of ridiculous…” He mutters. Do you know what’s frustrating and just down right embarrassing to Taeil? The fact that he’s cried in front of Johnny at least twice today.

 

Johnny’s going to get so tired of seeing him crying all the time, Taeil just knows it. The first few times he sees him cry, he’ll probably be worried about him but after a while, he’ll get sick of seeing Taeil crying and wonder if he ever stops doing it. It’s not Taeil’s fault though… He tries so hard to be strong, but he gets so overwhelmed by his emotions sometimes… and then he just starts sobbing.

 

“Hey, hey,” Johnny says softly, “You don’t have to apologize for anything, okay?” He tells Taeil before he wraps his arms around him and embraces him. “You know about Jaehyun and Taeyong… right?” He asks, and Taeil just nods. “Go ahead and cry if your heart hurts then, Taeil. I don’t mind, really. It’s okay if you’re a crybaby and if you want to cry all night, I’ll stay with you until you feel better.” That’s so sweet… How does Johnny know just the right things to say to warm Taeil’s heart?

 

“Thank you,” Taeil whispers as he hugs Johnny tightly, “But don’t you have to leave?” He asks, sniffling. He’s already wasted enough of Johnny’s time, he shouldn’t waste anymore of it. He should just wrap things up and let Johnny leave like he planned on doing earlier.

 

“Nah,” Johnny shakes his head, “I was just planning on going home and getting ready for bed, but if you need someone to vent to, I’ll stay with you.” Oh, he’s an absolute sweetheart, isn’t he? Why was Taeil so worried earlier? Johnny’s been nothing but kind and understanding today, and whenever Taeil thought he’d do something cruel to him, he’d do the exact opposite. Taeil’s way too negative sometimes and he’s such an idiot too because he constantly thinks that Johnny’s going to turn around and say everything’s a joke or do something to hurt him, when in reality Johnny would never play a cruel joke on him or intentionally make him feel bad.

 

Taeil can let his guard down for once and for the time being he can stop worrying like he said he would. Everything’s going to be alright. Taeil needs to have more confidence in the decisions he makes from now on. He isn’t going to end up heartbroken again, he’ll be alright, he just needs to let go and have a little faith in himself and Johnny. “You’re really sweet,” Taeil whispers, smiling a little, “You can go home though, I’ll be fine. Besides, Sicheng’s here and if I need anyone to talk to, I can just talk to him.”

 

“Oh… Okay,” Johnny replies, sounding a little disappointed, “Then… I guess I’ll get going…” he says before finally letting go of Taeil. He said he was going to leave, but he looks a little reluctant to go right now. Taeil, unsurprisingly, changed his mind again and now he doesn’t really want Johnny to leave, but if he’s tired, he should just go home and go to sleep instead of listening to Taeil rant and rave about his stupid feelings.

 

“Umm…” Taeil mutters, feeling a little shy, “Can I have another hug before you go…?” he asks in a tiny voice. He’s already hugged Johnny a few times today, but he’s not used to asking for affection up front, so even asking Johnny for a simple hug is embarrassing for him. Taeil hopes that in the future he won’t have such a hard time asking for the things he wants and that he won’t get embarrassed by every little thing either though.

 

“Of course, “Johnny grins before embracing him tightly again, “Goodnight, gorgeous,” He whispers into his ear. This is another thing Taeil isn’t used to. He’s not used to people complimenting his appearance and he doesn’t think he’ll ever get used to it either.

 

Taeil’s not gorgeous like Johnny claims he is, he’s average looking at best and sometimes he doesn’t even think he’s that. He doesn’t deserve any of the compliments that Johnny keeps giving him and he wants to tell him that, but he doesn’t. He sighs instead, “Goodnight, Johnny, “ He says, “I’ll see you tomorrow.“


End file.
